


You’ve Already Won Me Over (In Spite of Me)

by AllTheCosmos



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Big bro Dex coming in strong, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Like the absolute slowest, M/M, Slow Burn, also they’re both idiots but we already knew that, i wanted this to be soft, they are so loud with each other, they’re both recovering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-28 10:55:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 47,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17181626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTheCosmos/pseuds/AllTheCosmos
Summary: Nursey and Dex read a book.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> “He doesn’t have a favorite book. But he does have a favorite something. A favorite memory. A feeling. A part of himself. And it just happens to be this book.”

Favorite books don’t really exists for an English major. It’s simply an impossible question. All literature is his favorite because there’s always something to be learned. And how would one go about choosing a favorite book in the first place? He’s been captivated in wonder by a book. Been enraged and inspired by another. Been heartbroken and sliced wide open by a few lines of poetry. Been swept up in the grandest of adventures, been affected by the most beautifully flawed characters, been reminded what it means to feel alive and whole again after reading so many different books. It’s too tall an order to sort through every piece of writing that has moved him and solidify it until he has a single ‘favorite book’. It’s just not going to happen. 

But. 

He stares down at the book in his lap. Wondering when his mind decided to run off. 

Sometimes a book isn’t just a story. Sometimes it’s more than something you can read. Sometimes a book is a belief system. A field guide. A Rosetta Stone for translating the harshness and insignificance of the outside world. 

Sometimes a book is the only fucking thing on this fucking planet that’s helping you not lose your fucking mind. 

Sometimes a book is the most comforting thing you own. Something that you can go back to, time and time again. That will always be there. A constant. A tangible thing you can hold onto when there feels like there’s nothing left to anchor. 

So.

He doesn’t have a favorite book. Couldn’t. 

He flips the page. And it’s the best part. The resolution. He knows his hand is shaking a little, jumbling up some of the words, but that’s just from the not sleeping. He blinks and tried to clear his vision. After his chapter he’ll put it down. Promise. 

Derek has read it a thousand times and he can still feel his heart soar like it did the first time he heard it. He remembers his mom reading it to him. Before bed every night. Remembers balling his eyes out when his little heart just couldn’t stand the thought of the story being over. Happy endings aside. He wasn’t ready to part with it. It meant too much to him. He remembers his mother’s gentle laughter and soft words, rocking and hushing him softly. Letting the tears run their course. Running fingers through his hair in that way he misses dearly and telling him that this is exactly what a good book should do to you. He remembers her laughing uproariously when he told her he never wanted to read another book again, thank you very much. Remembers how she pulled him close and sweetly called him a liar. Reassured him time and time again that they can read it again, whenever he needed, it will always be there. 

Oh yes, he blinks, and a wet drop splashes down onto the page. That’s what that stinging meant. 

Fuck. 

He needs to get his fucking shit together. This. He can’t keep doing this. 

But anyway. He doesn’t have a favorite book. But he does have a favorite something. A favorite memory. A feeling. A part of himself. And it just happens to be this book.

And honestly? The book is super fucking weird. Well, not to little Derek it wasn’t. But it’s changed with time just like he has and he’s learned to treasure all the ways this story is trope-y and formulaic and melodramatic as fuck. But it’s still important. Authentic in meaning. And filled to the brim with so many different layers of analogies and metaphors that he could write so many fucking papers on it if given half the chance. And well. He’s not explaining it well. But. 

Many he should just start from the beginning? 

Yeah, he should flip back and give into a good reread. Maybe shake something else loose that will help calm him down. Yes. Sorry resolution, you’ll have to wait till the end. 

So the story? It starts like this.


	2. Nursey POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nurse POV

It starts off with an apology. 

And the apology takes him by surprise. 

He’s a pretty good judge of character and not a lot of people are capable of surprising him anymore, but this, this he’s willing to admit, he did not expect. 

And honestly it’s a pretty shitty apology, all things considered. Dex does not follow the 3 part rule. It’s mumbled and rushed and in this tone of voice that makes Nursey think Dex has a gun to his head. 

Also it’s three o’clock in the morning. And Nursey is just getting back home. So he’s not really sure if he’s hallucinating this whole conversation or not. 

And really, maybe he shouldn’t have answered the call in the first place. Because this whole summer has been about avoidance. 

But it’s an apology. Sort of. And Nursey would spend the rest of the summer playing back every word of it. 

But come the fall, he moves into the Haus.

The first couple of nights, Derek doesn’t sleep. Can’t. Not in that room. He feels too small and too big all at once. Too much like the forced chill he gets chirped for. Too hyper aware of every glance, every look, every word, the impetus of a fight or the soft crunching of eggshells. Too caught up in his own head, trying to decide if he wants to rise above and somehow finally not give a shit about his roommate or cling to the softer, grittier part of himself; a chronic second chancer. 

He hates it. It occupies too much of his time. And he’s expected to start classes and live in the Haus like he’s always wanted. But not like this. 

It’s all messed up. Everything. He’s messed everything up. It’s not supposed to be like this. This thing between him and Dex is just a ticking time bomb. Only a matter of time before it explodes and causes irreparable harm. Unavoidable. 

Stress and anxiety creep under his skin. Settling down in a familiar way. His back is tighter. His neck stiffer. Bitty sends him this worrying looks. Ransom corners him one weekend he’s over. Dex fucks off because that’s apparently all he does now. Ford catches him walking across the quad and wraps him into a bear hug despite the hilarious height difference. Only when she pulls away, eyes darkening, does he realize his face is wet. 

He’s not sleeping. His roommate hates him. He hates him. 

He stays at Ford’s that night.


	3. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV
> 
> “Hell, he’d be Team Nursey if he didn’t think they’d veto him off the island in a heartbeat.”

Faced with a problem that involves Derek freaking Nurse, Dex is always unsure how to proceed. 

Lately, he’s been rolling with the passive and unobtrusive method. Attempting to make himself scarce as much as possible. Letting Nurse have his space. Trying to not get into any shit. 

And it fucking blows. But he’s trying. 

There were friends once. Right? Sort of. And now they aren’t. Dex’s face burns with the shame of that. 

So, it’s late. And Dex is standing in the bedroom they share. Empty save for himself. And Nursey is nowhere else in the Haus. Nowhere out with Chris or Bits or anyone else he might have mentioned. And of course Nurse could have other plans he didn’t tell him about it. And he doesn’t need to know them. Doesn’t need to know if Nursey is out with his creative writing buds or out. On a date. Though the date is probably over at this time of the evening. And the fact that he’s not back at the Haus yet kind of cements the allusion as to what Nurse is up to this very moment. 

It’s annoyance that pricks at Dex’s skin. That’s all. He’s annoyed that he’s thinking about this right now. Annoyed that it could have been avoided if Nursey just texted him that he wasn’t going to be home tonight. Save Dex from the wonderings if he’s passed out in the library again or somewhere else less forgiving. But hey, passive and unobtrusive method, right? It’s not his business. That’s where he always gets himself into trouble. 

But, given the disaster of unholy hell Nurse is capable of, he should probably at least text. Just once. Just to clear his conscience. The worst he can get is a snappish response. Not that he’s gotten very many of any kind of responses lately. 

So he sends something off. Quick so he doesn’t delete it. And waits. 

He’s surprised, to say the least. When he gets an instant reply. Had to read the name a couple of times before realizing it’s from Ford. Not Nurse. 

_Leave him alone_

Then another. A few minutes later. Dex didn’t realize he’d been clutching his phone, staring at the screen the whole time. 

_Fix this later._

.

.

.

.

Dex wallows in it for a day. Feeling petulant and weak in his sulking. He’s (embarrassed) annoyed with Ford for being involved, and mad at Nursey for not telling him there’s apparently a problem. How is he supposed to fix it if he doesn’t know what’s going on? He hasn’t done anything wrong. He hasn’t done anything. Full stop. Since the beginning of the semester. He tries to give Nurse as much space as possible. Tries not to meddle. Tries to dial back all the parts of himself Nursey cannot stand. Tries to be better. 

“So you’re avoiding him?” Ford levels him with a glare he doesn’t quite think he deserves. 

After all, he was the one to swallow his pride and ask her to coffee. He knows she’s Team Nursey. Which sounds ridiculous to say but is also the undeniable reality. Fuck, everyone at Samwell is Team Nursey. Hell, he’d be Team Nursey if he didn’t think they’d veto him off the island in a heartbeat. But he also knows that Ford is a benevolent and wise, gentle goddess who shouldn’t exist in the mortal realm, but is somehow sitting across from him at a booth at Annie’s, and will, and effectively, set him straight. His pride be damned. He drums his fingers against the side of his coffee. 

“How can I be avoiding him?” He mutters out, “We share a room.”

Ford looks at him like she’s both disappointed and unimpressed, “You literally just told me you try your best not to talk to him.” 

And. Well. Dex pauses. “I’m trying to, I guess,” and fuck, okay, he shakes his head. Maybe he is avoiding, or something like that. But it’s not, it’s not without purpose, right? “I just don’t want to be a problem?”

Ford raises an eyebrow, but leans in closer, “A problem?”

He sighs because how can anybody look at their situation and not know. 

“Yeah, like,” he picks up his coffee,“we have to share the room and I know I’m very low on his list of desired roommates. So that has to suck. And I know he has like, other things going on. So I don’t want to,” he coughs, be someone he hates gets stuck in his throat, he clears it and continues, “be just another problem he feels like he has to deal with.”

He sips at his drink, drawing his shoulders around him. He hates talking about this. Himself. How he fucks up everything around him. He hates talking about anything really, it’s not anyone else’s business that he can’t handle his shit. 

Especially when the person he’s talking to can no doubt pull apart everything he says until the truth surfaces. He expects an ass-kicking. Something about him being selfish, unaware, unbending. When he finally looks over at Ford he’s not expecting the look of apprehensive consideration. 

“Wait,” she sets her drink down very carefully, purposefully pausing to look squarely at him, “what do you mean when you say he has other things going on?”

He pauses. Pulls up short. Not knowing where she’s going with this. He blows out a breath. “I don’t know like classes? Studying? I think he has some kind of research thing through the English department?” He makes a futile hand gesture, “And you know, preparing for the season. Just trying to generally exist as a college student, I guess.”

Ford crosses her arms, leaning back in her chair, “Right. Okay.” And she just sort of stares at him. Eyes tracing his face. Like she’s mapping his brain. Which, it’s Ford. So. Not outside the unbelievable. It goes on for long uncomfortable seconds and he panics. 

“Why is your face doing that?” His voice perhaps a little too frantic. 

She just sighs. But she does pull herself forward, elbows fixed on the small table they share, and wraps up one of his hands in one of hers. She squeezes it, accompanies it with a sweet smile that makes Dex feel all warm and comforted. 

“You’re an idiot, Dex.”

He falters. _Seriously._

“Excuse me?”

He’s pulling back but Ford’s grip holds him in place. Her smile just as sweet. Her tone just as warm. 

“Do you really think Nursey has to share that tiny little bedroom in the Haus with you?”

And she says it slowly, gently. But she’s looking at him like he’s not picking up on something and Dex opens his mouth to dispute and- 

“Don’t.” She cuts him off with a silencing gesture, “If you say anything about the stupid law of dibs I’m going to punch you in the dick. Just think about it.” She lets go of his hand and picks up her tea again, “It’s none of my business but look, we both know Nursey could live in any apartment, anywhere in the city, if he wanted too.”

And he’s nodding because yes, of course he knows that. “Then why doesn’t he?”

The unimpressed/disappointed look is back. “I don’t know, why doesn’t he?”

And he’s not following. Because this isn’t making sense. He wanted Ford to tell him what to do, not leave him with more questions. He quiets. Everything with Nurse always has to be so fucking complicated. It’s exhausting. And annoying. 

“Look, Dex. Avoidance is not the answer here. That’s all I’m saying.” She sips her drink. Shifts so she’s staring just over his right shoulder. Dex feels like he’s being dismissed. 

But it can’t be. Because there’s still a problem and he doesn’t know how to handle it and he can’t go back to silently creeping around Nurse in that fucking Haus anymore. He’ll drive himself crazy. Or worse, he’ll drive Nurse away completely. 

And there’s a familiar anger that crackles under his skin. Because there’s still a part of him that thinks this is all bullshit. That everything has been blown way out of proportion. Lingered way too fucking long. And sure okay, maybe him and Nurse will never be close, maybe they’re just meant to be teammates that tolerate each other’s presence. And that’s totally fine. Perfect even. Maybe then his stupid fucking brain would stop obsessively spinning over every little thing Nursey does and finally get the fucking message that it’s never going to happen. 

Maybe that’s better than whatever the fuck is going on right now. But there has to be some type of give. He has to be willing to put in some of the work and he recognizes that. 

He needs Ford to know he’s serious. He’s not just trying to deflect. And he’s sure she already knows all of it, everything the lead up to Dex and Nurse barely speaking, he knows she probably already has certain feelings, certain loyalties. And it’s not that he wants to whip any votes. But maybe some understanding. He breathes deeply, drops his head. 

“We fought. Like all the time.” He takes a deep breath because he hates even thinking about it, “It was bad.”

“So?” Ford questions, shrugging it away like it wasn’t the reason for everything.

He narrows his eyes, a little annoyed now. “So I don’t want that to happen again?”

“Then don’t let it.” She finishes her drink. Setting the mug back down. She twists in her chair to grab her purse, pulls it over her shoulder. Dex realizes she’s about to get up and leave. 

He sighs, lowering his voice, “Ford, it’s not that easy.”

She stands.“It is.” Ford leans close to squeeze his shoulder. “I’m sorry Dex, but it is. Reflect. Make changes. Talk. Take up yoga. Just do something. You’re not a bad person, Will. You’ve made mistakes but that doesn’t make you a bad person. Bad people don’t change. And you’ve changed so much already. Just start somewhere.”

Dex doesn’t let himself believe it, he knows better, he leans back in chair. Drops his shoulders. Gestures broadly. “Where do I start?”

“Now,” she smiles brightly, perhaps genuinely, and sits back down, “that’s an easy one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love Ford with all my heart and soul.


	4. Nurse POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nurse POV
> 
> “Shut the fuck up and let me read to you.”

The beginning of the school year is always when his migraines hit the hardest. Coupled with the fact that he’s isn’t sleeping, he should expect nothing less. Plus, new environment. New weather patterns. New stress he’s not quite on top of managing just yet. And boy does it fucking suck. 

It’s a bone saw drilling right into his cranium. Something, un-fucking-fortunately that he’s grown accustomed to and can recognize instantly. A kind of pain that pinches up all of his muscles and makes blinking and focusing his eyes a monumental fucking challenge. At least he’s in his bed. So if he passes out cold he will at least land on something soft and wake up disoriented but in his own bed. He turns his head slightly to flip the page of the article he’s reading and gets hit with a wave of white hot pain right above his eye. Another bout of nausea rolls through him. He lets out a shaky breath, clenches his stomach, and forces himself to stare at the paper. 

He’s going to vomit. 

Or maybe just die. Yeah. That would be kinder. 

Nursey is contemplating this when his roommate barrels through the door and slams it hard enough to make Nursey’s teeth rattle. 

And like, okay, maybe he didn’t really slam it that hard, but that’s certainly what it sounded like. 

Nursey makes a pained face, he can’t help it. He feels Dex’s eyes on him but he doesn’t particularly care. 

“You look like shit.”

Nurse would laugh. It’s his instinct to snort and throw back something sarcastic but he can’t. 

“M’fine.” He mumbles out, trying to find the end of the sentence he’s working on reading. 

“What’s up with you?” Dex cuts out and it sounds like the accusation that it is. But honestly, Nursey can’t think and respond to this shit at the same time.

“Huh?” 

And then something strange happens. He senses Dex straightening up and knows that the idiot is probably staring at him. A few seconds later a hand is waving in front of his face. And like, okay, that needs to fucking stop. But he can’t quite figure out how to say that. 

He hears Dex inhale. 

“Fuck, Nurse, are you ... whatever you’re doing you need to stop doing it.”

Dex’s voice is so much closer now and does he really need to be shouting?

“I can’t.”

“You’re making yourself sick, stupid.”

“I have to finish this.” Nursey knows he’s mumbling but he doesn’t give a shit. He furiously rubs above his eye and down to his jaw. Maybe he’ll have an aneurysm and this will all be blessedly over. 

“The hell you do. You’re barely even reading it.” Dex crosses his arms over his chest and gives Nursey a look. When a response doesn’t come Dex goes into full on badgering mode. 

“Is it one of those headache things?” 

“It’s called a migraine, Pointdexter.”

“Right. Yeah. Don’t you have like, meds your supposed to take?”

“Can’t.” Nurse attempts to shake his head but that's a real bad idea. “They make me too drowsy. Have to finish this first.”

“Jesus, Nurse.” Dex shakes his head and moves closer to Derek’s bunk. “Quit being an idiot and take your damn meds. Finish whatever the hell that is later.”

“I can’t.” _Does he fucking listen?_

Apparently not because Dex just goes right back to running his mouth. 

“Do you need water? Didn’t you say you need water when this happens? Oh and like, are you going to throw up because do that shit in the bathroom, I’m not cleaning up after you.”

In this moment Nursey wholeheartedly regrets giving Dex the ‘sometimes I get these debilitating migraines’ talk. It was a more than difficult conversation to have in the first place, made weirder by the fact that it was actually Dex that brought it up, and he didn’t think that one of the outcomes would be Dex getting on his case about it. 

“Can you please,” Nurse focuses, making sure he enunciates this, “stop fucking talking.”

Dex whips his head around, scoffing. 

“You need to take care of yourself!” He shouts, because of course, that’s an appropriate reaction.

“Chill. Dex.” Nursey bites out just because it makes Dex’s face go all red and blotchy, “It’s fine. Just let me finish. Class discussion tomorrow. Worth half of my grade. Need to read this. So please. Fucking. Stop.”

And at least that quiets the redhead for a moment. Nurse can practically see the steam coming out of his goofy ears though. 

And then. 

“Can’t you find like an audiobook or some shit?”

And. Nursey chances a glance in Dex’s direction. 

“What.”

Dex looks, not angry. Flustered? Nursey watches him shift his weight, cross and uncross his arms. He turns back to his article.

“I remember you said it’s easier? Sometimes?” He hears Dex breathe out, “When you have a bad headache, uh, a migraine, it’s easier to listen to stuff than having to do the work to read it?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess.” He did say that, sure. And he’s sort of surprised Dex listened. He shifts, gestures to the article, “But this is a scholarly article, they don’t usually make recordings of those.”

“Then I’ll read it to you.”

And that actually inspired Nursey to put in the work to turn and look at his roommate. Because that can’t be right, must have heard it wrong, because that sounded like Dex just offered to - wait. 

“What.” 

“What?” Dex crosses his arms over his chest, defensive. “I’ll read it to you. It’s fine.”

“Dex, no.“ And he almost laughs, almost. He turns back to his article, blinking away a new rip of pain. 

“Look, then you’ll be able to finish it without making yourself more sick and you can take your fucking meds.” Dex says like it slowly like Nurse is an idiot, You can focus on just listening, right?”

He like, he can do that? Sure. And that would be good? He thinks. And yeah, he probably should take his meds as soon as possible but like, what is even happening? Why is Dex even offering to do this? Why would he even fucking care or want to get involved in anything Nursey-related when he’s spent their first couple weeks as roommates giving off every single vibe that he couldn’t give less of shit about Derek. He thinks about saying all of this, but what comes out is another flat and declarative, 

“What.”

“I don’t know you’re ridiculous system of annotating but I can like,” Dex makes this flailing hand gesture, “highlight shit or whatever if you tell me to.”

_This is a dream. You’ve already passed out. This is alternate universe Dex._

With considerable effort, he shakes his head, “No. Fuck, no. That’s too much. Thanks. But it’s alright.”

“I could use the study break. And plus,” Dex moves closer, for a second Nursey panics and thinks he’s going to try to sit on his bed, “I can’t have my roommate drop dead on my watch. Given our history, people would ask questions.”

And yeah, Nursey sighs, that’s what this is really about. He forces a small laugh against the pain and nausea.

“So you’re doing this to protect yourself from a premeditated murder charge?”

“Exactly.” And Dex smiles, because it’s easy. Or easier. This is easier, Nurse thinks, the banter, but not really what he wants right now. 

He stuffs his hands into his hoodie’s pocket, shuffling the material around a bit. Usually in the grips of a migraine he hates having anything touching his skin. Everything’s too scratchy and oppressive. But the sweatshirt is loose even on him, just the way he likes, the material well loved and well washed into crafted softness. It’s comforting in a way he can’t name and he curls his upper body further into it.

“Nah, it’s chill.” He focuses back on the article balanced on his knees, he’s almost finished with it, really, “I, I’m not, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Good thing you’re not asking.” It’s quiet, Nurse almost misses it. He can’t even respond before Dex is asking, “What page are you on?”

Dex grabs for the article. 

“Hey, no, you can’t-” He starts, but Dex is already looking over it, face pinched up and he slowly, finally, sits at the very edge of Nurse’s bed. He cuts Nurse a look.

“Shut the fuck up and let me read to you.”


	5. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV 
> 
> “My reading voice isn’t calming.” He states, because it isn’t, it couldn’t be.
> 
> “It’s nice.” Nursey shrugs again, like he doesn’t really care.”

Not for the first time, and certainly not the last, Dex is confronted with Derek Nurse and realizes he is completely out of his element. 

He is not a comforting person. He knows this about himself. He’s not good with delicate situations. He never has the right words and he freezes with an overwhelming sense that he should not be the person doing this right now. There are people better suited that can actually help and not fuck it up further. He felt it a few days ago when he walked in on Nursey mid-migraine and he feels it again, maybe even more strongly, right now. 

But right now. Right now he has no idea what to do or how to make it better, but right now, right now, Dex just feels glued to this spot. 

At least he got Chowder calmed down and tasked with finding Nursey’s migraine meds in his hockey stuff. Chowder was the one that found Nursey in the bathroom, like this. Fuck knows why he felt like yelling Dex’s name to come help out and not literally anyone else’s. 

But this is Nursey. And even though he’s pretty certain the dude hates his fucking guts, pretty certain this will only ever end in a fight like it always does, pretty certain he will do or say something stupid and then rift between them will grow … this is Nursey. 

Wishing like hell he was made of less hard lines and more soft words; Dex slowly approaches the Derek Nurse ball on the floor of the bathroom and gently slides down to his knees. His hand hovers out in front of him against his own volition. The need to touch is overwhelming and it surprises Dex enough to snatch his hand back. What is he even thinking? The last thing Nursey needs right now is an unwanted hand on him. 

Derek’s eyes are closed but it’s clear he’s not sleeping. His face is pinched up in pain, shoulders hunched up to his ears. His full 6’3” frame somehow stuffed no doubt uncomfortably between the bathtub and the toilet. The rest of his body is rigid, holding itself tight with what Dex assumes is blinding pain. He’s ashamed of each and every time he brushed off one of Nursey’s headaches in the past.

He raises his hand again and places it with extreme caution of Nursey’s shoulder, in an attempt to get his attention. 

“Hey, Nurse.” He whispers though it still sounds too loud for the small space. He winces when Nursey shutters. 

Its like watching a train wreck. Nursey’s neck cranks, eyes unwillingly blinking rapidly, breath puffing out shallowly, Dex watches one of his hands shake and he places it firmer on the bathroom tile. Somehow pushing up on one shoulder to turn his head, Nursey looks at him with an empty face. No emotion, no light behind the eyes. Nursey’s eyebrows pinch together with confusion when his gaze settles on his roommate’s face. 

“Dex?” 

Dex’s stomach drops. 

He’s _never_ seen Nurse like this before. 

He’s seen drunken mess, miserably hungover, completely exhausted, beyond stressed, viciously upset and many other versions of Derek Nurse. But not this. He says a quick and mumbled fuck it under his breath before giving into his instinct, fuck the consequences. 

He drops lower, closer to Nurse. This time he does reach out, gently brushing his thumb up and over a cheekbone without really having the conscious thought to do so, the rest of his hand carefully following and gently sliding down to rest at the back of Nursey’s head. 

“Mhm. Yeah, it’s me. Bad day?” 

He tries to monitor his whisper, and Nurse twitches his head a little and Dex thinks he’s two seconds away from being told to fuck off but Nurse does it again and Dex nearly falls forward when he realizes Nursey is turning into the touch. 

He waits. Steadies his hand. 

“Yeah.” Nursey breathes out, sounding empty and so tired. 

“Think we can get you off the floor?”

“Fuck.” Nurse says it more to the ceiling. And Dex is so out of his depth. 

The only thing he can really think to do is get Nurse off the fucking bathroom floor and into his own bed, that seems like something he can do that will maybe potentially help. He leans forward, trying to balance his crouched position. 

“It’s alright, I got you.” He stretches out an arm intent on wrapping it under Nursey’s shoulders. 

“Don’t.” Nurse shuffles away for him, and it’s a the whine of it that freezes Dex in motion, Nurse’ pained face back, full force. “Don’t touch me.”

And Dex may not understand much. But he gets this. He immediately moves himself as far backwards as the tiny space will allow, hands raised up, face burning. 

“Okay. Whoa, okay. You got it, I won’t.” 

“No.” Nurse mumbles out, eyes closing, “It’s not that, I want, I can’t,” he’s stumbling over something and Dex watches Nurse’s face twist up with the fight of it and then go slack, “It’s just, my skin hurts.” He turns his face into the floor, “Everything hurts.”

His chest cracks. And Dex doesn’t know what comes over him. This isn’t what he’s good at. Not what he expected. Knows in his bones anyone else will handle this better. Knows that Nurse would probably want anyone else to handle this. But one look at Nurse and he knows he’s not fucking leaving anytime fucking soon. 

He leans in closer, trying to still respect the space, his voice is lower, softer, a whisper, “Okay, alright. Hey, okay.” He murmurs uselessly and feels like an idiot, his stupid hand is back out and Nurse nods fractionally and Dex is so grateful to place it back on the side of Nurse’s neck, thumb running over jawline, and tries not to panic himself, “It’s okay, just tell me, tell me what you need, okay?”

Nurse eyes him carefully. Eyes wide but still somehow so distant it’s unsettling. Dex wants to reach through and pull Nursey back and out of whatever is happening.

He can feel it in this moment. It’s always there, but it’s screaming at him right now. He doesn’t give a shit about whatever messed up crap they have between them, doesn’t care that he’s potentially fucking it up for good; he just knows that he would do just about anything to fix this. Because this is Nursey. 

“Fuck. Nurse. Just, tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

It must bleed into his voice a little because even he knows he sounds desperate. And he just lets himself stare down at Nursey, moves his hand so it’s more securely holding the side of his face, knowing that under any other circumstances he would never be allowed to do this, that for that reason alone he knows he probably shouldn’t, and waits. 

“Read?”

Dex stops, mind caught, but then it clicks. The relief hits him like a bucket of ice water. And his shoulders drop. 

“Of course, sweetheart. Any book you want.” And Dex is too fucked to care, he has more important things to worry about then the blush high and obvious up to his ears. 

“‘Kay.” Nurse breathes out, but doesn’t look like he’s given anymore thought to moving. Dex really fucking hopes Nurse doesn’t expect to get a book and bring it back into the fucking bathroom. 

“Do you think we can make it back to the room? I know it’s going to suck. But I can’t remember the last time someone cleaned this bathroom, let alone the floor, so you can totally hang here if you need to but, you know,”

“Yeah. Bed.”

“Nice. Okay. So, can I?” Dex awkwardly motions to Nurse with his hands, he goes back to holding his crouched position, and tries to ready himself. 

“Yeah.” Nurse breathes. And Dex watches him go about starting to slowly push his shoulders up, face twisting up, “Let me get up.”

Dex huffs. That’s not happening. He motions more urgently, 

“Nurse, you know I can.” 

“No, you can’t.”

“I can, man. Just give me some leverage.” 

Nurse scowls at him but relents and actually lets Dex maneuver him into a better position with only minor complaints. And without any finesse, Dex hauls the bulk of Nurse’s body up and off the floor, steadies him against his chest, and picks him up. 

Nurse groans in pain but goes completely dead weight in his arms. Then Dex hears him snort.

“Bet you think your big and strong, huh?” Nurse taunts, but there’s barely any heat on it. Dex rolls his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up and let me carry you.”

Dex stumbles just once but counterbalances, thankful that it’s just short trip to the room, knowing he wouldn’t be able to sustain it much further. 

It’s not often Dex gets to really test the limits of his strength. Maybe during weightlifting but he has spotters and that’s a gradual ramp-up. Straight lifting a Derek Nurse dead weight up and off the floor of the bathroom is as close as he’s ever gotten to putting his full strength to the test. And honestly he’s never been more grateful for the lifting sessions than right now.

It becomes obvious that if Nursey isn’t going to help him, there’s no fucking way he’s going to be able to maneuver him into the top bunk. He sighs, guess it’s going to have to be his bed. Fucking great. 

Nurse grumbles in pain as Dex walks them into the room. 

“Fuck, okay. I know, I’m sorry. Just let me, alright, almost there,” he bends his knees trying to figure out the best way to shift Nurse so he doesn’t bash his head on the bunk bed, “there we go, alright, down you go. Gently!” Nurse ends up sort of gracelessly stumbling into his mattress and collapsing. “Fuck, sorry.” 

“Thanks.” Nurse offers before promptly turning into his bed and pulling up his duvet. Like he fucking owns the place.

Dex eyes the small orange container on the corner of the desk Chris must have left. He considers the fight. He breathes out. Forces himself to take a neutral tone.

“Chow got your meds for you, bro.”

“No thanks, _bro_.” 

Nurse spits it back, displaying the first real emotion Dex has seen from him. He tries not to be upset that it’s at his expense. He watches Nursey pull _his_ duvet up further and completely turn his back to Dex. In his own fucking bed. And really? Fuck neutral. 

“Don’t fucking start.” His tone is dark because he’s not playing this game right now.

“Just leave it.” Nurse grumbles into his pillow. 

“Take your goddamn meds.” Dex seethes and it’s enough to get Nurse to turn back and face him. 

He thinks Nurse is about to give in when the asshole just sends him the most cutting smirk. “You’re getting good at saying that.”

And. _Wow._ He crosses his arms over his chest. “Fuck you, Nurse. Just take them so I,”

“I can’t take these.”

“What?” Dex tries to keep his voice in check knowing his obstinate roommate has a migraine but his control is slipping, “Nurse, you were fucking curled up on the bathroom floor, just taking the fucking pills and get some sleep or whatever.”

“Those are the wrong ones.” Nurse mumbles into his pillow.

And that. Despite the anger, that gives Dex pause. _Wrong ones?_ He looks over Nurse. More carefully. Maybe this isn’t like the last time. Actually, now that he’s really looking, this isn’t like the last time at all. He’s an idiot. 

“You don’t have a migraine.” He states, cautiously. More to himself. 

Nurse flips over onto his back and smiles. It’s empty and sharp.

“Nah.”

“So. Then.” Dex trails, trying to put it together, “Why were you ... oh. Shit.”

He remembers. A conversation he wasn’t meant to overhear. Many months ago. Before summer break. Ransom and Nursey huddled closely in the kitchen. Well past midnight. Holding hot mugs and trading warm words. He remembers Nurse’s low and gentle laughter. Remember how it pinned him in the hallway, how Dex couldn’t intrude on that and make it stop, so he concealed himself out of view. The guilt is still fresh when Dex thinks about how he just should have turned and walked back to his room. Fill his water bottle up later. 

_“I just need to sleep. That’s my problem.” Nurse’s voice lowers, Dex remembers straining to hear it._

_“You have more problems then that, bro.” Ransom supplied, both of them quietly cracking up._

_“Wow, just call me out then, alright.”_

_“Hey, I’m allowed too. Especially when you pull shit like this.”_

_“What? Hey. Come on. What else was I supposed to do? I handled it.”_

_“You had a panic attack. Alone. And didn’t tell anyone. That’s not handling it.” Ransom’s voice while still warm and friendly, spared no room for argument. “And if you tell me ‘it’s chill’ right now I’m going to tell Bitty to put you on a one month baked good ban.”_

_“You wouldn’t dare.”_

_“Try me!”_

 

Nurse just sighs and actually looks over at him. 

“Figured it out, Pointdexter?” It’s a challenge, a dare, a taunt to get Dex to admit what he’s really thinking for the purposes of mocking. And maybe a past version of himself would take it. Bite out something cutting just to watch Nurse’s sneer crack and slip of his face. And maybe this version still would too, but not when Nurse’s voice sounds like that, not when his eyes look like that, not when his face looks nothing his face. 

He doesn’t know why but he smiles, quietly. His shoulders drop. 

There’s no fight here. Something under his skin burns with the need to respond even softer. Which surprises and unsettles him. Certainly not a feeling he’s used to experiencing. But he breathes out and inhales deeply. This isn’t about him.

“So if these are the wrong ones,” he shakes the small orange bottle, “are there right ones?”

“Cause I have such a fucking collection, huh? I should open a pharmacy.” 

And it’s back, his quiet smile, maybe he is made of rough lines and hard words but he can work with this. 

He lowers his voice, “I don’t know what the street values are for these bad boys but you could probably turn a small profit.” 

“Fuck off.” Nurse breathes out, waving a hand at him.

“Buy me something real nice.”

“Why the hell would I buy you something? They’re my meds.” Nurse sends him a disbelieving look and Dex lights up, happy to see something play across his roommate’s face.

“Cause I’m the one deadlifting you off the floor, stupid.”

And Nurse’s face break, just a little, almost a smirk. Then it's gone. Dex tries not to be too obvious in his relief. 

“You’ve always been a show-off.” 

Dex huffs out a surprised laugh. 

“Impressed?”

“Hardly.”

“Hm. Okay, sure. So, you wanna point me in the right direction?” He sets the orange pill bottle back on the corner of the desk.

“I don’t take them like, in the moment, they don’t work like that.”

“Gotcha.” Dex concedes, because that does make sense, and he’s not going to fight him on something he knows very little about. Nurse is still on his back, eyes forward, but at least he looks a little bit more comfortable than sprawled out on the bathroom floor. Maybe he’ll fall asleep?

Dex isn’t sure of the protocol here and Nurse isn’t giving him any directions. If he was having a, for the lack of a better term, a bad day, he would want to be left alone. But they haven’t talked about this. 

“So, you good?” Dex hates the way it sounds, “Need anything else? Want me to leave you alone?” 

He watches Nursey closely, watches the way he shifts in his bed, watches his face relax.

“Yeah, no. I’m fine. Thanks.” 

“Anytime.” Dex responds quickly, sure that that means he’s supposed to leave. He’s aware that he’s been standing over Nursey this whole time in a way that would probably seem looming. He straightens up and turns. 

“Hey, Dex?” Nursey’s voice is low and quiet and Dex feels himself tense. 

“Yeah?”

“You said you’d read.” 

“I did.” Dex nods, he remembers. And he struggles with how much he wants to do exactly that right now. He looks over at Nursey. 

“You don’t have to.” Nurse states simply. Dex chooses not to take it as brush off.

“No. I can. I want to.” He moves closer, “I just thought that was more of a migraine thing?”

Nursey shrugs his shoulders, his face carefully blank, “It’s calming.”

Dex balks. He remembers the first time he read to Nursey. Remembers the nerves making his tongue slow and sluggish. Remembers how he kept feeling like his voice was too loud or too quiet. Remembers feeling like an idiot trying to pronounce those big academic words he couldn’t even guess the meanings of, and knowing Nursey probably knew them all by heart. Remembers looking over, catching glances at a Nursey, eyes closed, lips parted slightly, doing his best to listen. Remembers losing his place because of those glances and tripping over the words as he repeated himself. Unwillingly, his face heats up. 

“My reading voice isn’t calming.” He states, because it isn’t, it couldn’t be.

“It’s nice.” Nursey shrugs again, like he doesn’t really care, and then there’s some movement. 

Dex watches as Nursey takes his time sitting up, only to lean forward and lightning fast pull something out of his backpack that had previously been ditched on the floor.

“Read this.” Nursey tosses a book and it hits Dex in the chest. 

He catches it. Shifts on his feet. And watches as Nurse settles back down into the bed. For a one thrilling and supremely stupid moment he considers crawling into his bed, sitting at the foot of it, sprawling his legs out over Nurse’s. He coughs and shakes his head. _What the hell?!_ And turns to find the their shared desk chair. 

He sits. And turns back to their bunks, props his feet up onto the windowsill, and forces himself to breathe. The thrill that races up his spine isn’t helping. 

“Where’d you leave off?”

He turns to look at Nursey but he’s not even paying attention to him. Nurse twists, sitting up again, and looks like he’s thinking something over before he again leans over the outer edge of the bed and digs around a bit to liberate a hoodie from his god only knows where. Dex recognizes it, watches Nursey yank it on and collapse back on his pillow. He shuffles around a bit and turns his head, just slightly, in Dex’s direction. 

“Start at the beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And their story begins!


	6. Nursey POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nurse POV 
> 
> “He thinks, different planet, different rules.”

Being off campus and alone with Dex on a non-hockey related excursion is like existing on another planet. Somehow, the air surrounding them is different. The rules are different. The gravity is weird. Everything spins at different pace, on a slightly different angle. God only knows if they’re going to crash into the sun. 

Nursey thinks he might be dramatizing the moment. But, you know, whatever. 

They could have borrowed someone’s car parked at the Haus. In fact, they probably should have with the sizable grocery list Bitty fixed them with. But Nursey found himself tripping over a crack in the sidewalk when Dex looked up at sky and asked, “Cool if we walk down to the T stop?”

So they walk. Both knowing full well walking means that their quick run to the grocery store will take much longer than it strictly has to. 

And it’s not terrible? The walking. And they’re quite a few blocks away from the Haus when Nursey notices Dex’s shoulders aren’t pinched together or pushed uptight to his ears. 

He thinks _different planet, different rules._

And Dex is quiet. So quiet. But not like he was before. Not quiet like he’s holding back with it. Quiet because he’s calm. Quiet and taking up space and smelling like Dex and radiating this solid warmth. Despite his near permanent hoodie this time of year, Nursey’s always caught with a chill. He steps closer to Dex before he realizes what he’s doing. Dex just turns and offers a small smile. 

Nurse thinks, maybe it’s a harmonious and placid planet today. 

They get on the T. Take the green line down to Haymarket. There’s really no need to go this far into the city for the errand Bitty had sent them on. There’s plenty of other grocery stores closer by. 

Nurse is surprised when Dex acquiesced to go with him. (Even more surprised when Dex just nods along and yields when Nurse starts talking about this bagel place he really wants to go back to that makes them so authentically it’s like he’s back in New York.) Although he’s certain it has more to do with Bitty’s syrupy sweet look of insured death rather than Dex’s personal desire to spend time with him. 

And that’s a shame. Because they’re off campus. And the rules are different. So Nursey can actually think thoughts such as these. And Dex should feel that freedom, too. Maybe shake something loose. 

They’re at the Public Market. And he knows, for probably they twelfth time that trip, he’s telling Dex how much he loves this place. And Dex, Dex just does this stupid thing with his face. Kind of like a smile. But shakes his head, eyes warm. Nurse catches himself staring. And because the gravity really is different between them, Dex lets Nursey lead them past every stall without complaint. And Nurse stops at every single one. Makes Dex try all of the samples. And Nurse politely orders whatever he’s most excited about, because he has no impulse control. He’s expecting chirps about spending too much money, the practicality of three balls of yarn or four pints of ice cream, but they don’t come. Instead Dex just stands there and just as politely asks the vendors for the things actually on their list. 

Once they reach the end of the list, they’ve filled up many a reusable bag. Dex checks the time and Nurse sighs. Yeah, they should probably head back. And Dex is still quiet. But now it is making Nurse a little itchy. Because he wants them to share this. He wants Dex to tell him he’s had a good time. Wants Dex to make some comment about coming back. Wants Dex to admit he’s secretly in love with the Mexican hot chocolate Nurse bought for him. Wants to mark this down as a Moment.

Really, he just wants to create another Before and After for them. Nurse would rather them be defined by something much more important than the Dibs. Like today. Or. Like. Before and After Nursey found out Dex’s reading voice is low and scratchy. Or, you know, Before and After Dex’s fingers skated across his cheekbone and down his jaw. But unfortunately, with both of those times, Dex has yet to talk about them. 

Which reminds him. There’s something he really needs Dex to understand. Something he might have better luck communicating on this unexplored planet. 

“I’m not like, a total fucking mess.”

Nurse watches Dex’s head snap up, mid-bite into the bagel Nurse dragged him halfway across Boston for, face full of confusion. 

“What?” 

They’re pressed together on a crowded green line car. Knees to hips to shoulders. They’re bags corralled at their feet. Nurse pulls his sweatshirt cuffs over his hands. 

“Like sure, I’m a mess. A hot mess, of course. But like an elegant yet understated on-fire trash can.”

He doesn’t look at Dex, but he feels the redhead looking at him, can picture him narrowing his eyes when he says, 

“I have no goddamn idea what you’re talking about.” 

And Nursey is horrified to find his face is heating when he picks out the fondness from the annoyance. Nurse breathes through it. This is important. 

“I’m not broken.” He states. He lets himself feel it too. He finally turns to look at Dex, meets the redhead’s gaze. 

“I know that.” Dex voice is quiet but certain. 

“Then don’t treat me like I am.”

“Have I?”

“No.”

“So.”

They sit in silence. Nursey weighs the pros of cons of telling Dex about the different planet. Just to see if he feels it too. Dex shoots him a look. 

“I’m sorry, are we having an argument?” 

Nurse sighs, searching for clearer words. 

“Look, I’m not going to like Oscar Wilde collapse on my fainting couch every time something bad happens.” He turns his upper body to face Dex, “Like yeah, I’m going through some shit but we all are and I need you to know that I’m okay. You don’t need to like, be on alert or feel like you have to jump in or whatever. I’ve got a system. Support. The whole fucking package. It may not look like it but I am dealing with it. And I can handle it myself. I’ve been through it before.” He finishes, feeling exhausted by the end of it but enormously proud of himself. 

“Okay.” Dex says carefully, Nursey watches him closely and Dex catches on, adding a, “I believe you.”

“Good.”

Quiet moments pass. 

Why has it ever been difficult between them? Why hasn’t it always been like this? 

Why can’t it? Why can’t they spend every Tuesday night just like this? Nurse is just about to ask him when Dex leans back and knocks his knee against Nurse’s. 

“Thanks for telling me.” He smiles. 

Nurse smiles. 

Nurse thinks of rules and planets and gravity and the heat radiating from every point they’re touching. It must be the air quality, messing with his levels of oxygen. 

Nurse looks up at the map above the doors and breathes out. Theirs is the next stop and both of them push their way out of the car and onto the platform, arms filled with bags. Nurse sets his down on the platform to check his phone and Dex, true to form and probably without thinking, leans over and picks up Nursey’s bags too.

Nursey raises an eyebrow at him. 

Dex flushes then huffs, shooting Nurse a glare whilst setting the bags back down. 

“Fine.” Dex throws his hands up, “Carry all the damn groceries.” 

He smiles. Biting his lip. His gaze is slow, the way it is when Dex is turned away from him or caught up in something else. But not this time. It’s the whole not sleeping thing. Really messes with his head. And you know, the air quality. Shit. It clouds and steams and fogs up everything. He might pass out. Because Dex is right there. Fidgeting and giving Nurse an annoyed look. SAMWELL stretched across his chest, the maroon of the t-shirt highlighting his flush, his biceps and shoulders showcased in the flimsy cotton. He looks good in his jeans, too. Nursey is willing to admit, knowing his smile gets a little more heated. He accesses. Flustered has always been a good look on Dex. Considers the pros and cons of seeing him more worked up. Taken apart. Has he mentioned the different planet? Nurse suspends gravity. Fuck, Pointdexter is so fucking pretty.

Nursey shakes out of it and gestures indifferently at the bags. 

“I mean, if you’re offering.” 

He likes the way Dex’s lip quirks up, likes the quiet shake of his head, the rolling of his eyes as he leans down to snatch the bags back up. 

And he likes the way Dex’s arms flex, the breadth of his shoulders, the way he grumbles at Nurse to ‘keep it moving’ when he lags behind, the pair of them climbing up the subway stairs and relocating above ground. 

And before it can set in, they’re back at the Haus. Back on this planet. Simulation over. 

Which is fine. Good. Great, even. It’s much easier to breathe here anyway. His head is clearer. No more crazy thoughts he needs to examine. No more, he tears off his sweatshirt, no more heat. 

And Nurse is in his bed. Many hours later. Back flat against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest where he’s resting his textbook. A bright blue highlighter propped between his teeth, when Dex comes storming into the room. 

It’s a flurry of movement until Dex is standing before him, breathing weirdly but hitting Nursey with this determined look. Dex does this weird hand movement, gesturing between them. 

“I’m offering.”

The highlighter drops from his mouth. 

Dex’s face twists up like he’s the one having a mini heart attack, not Nursey. And the redhead just sighs when Nurse doesn’t respond, runs a hand over the back of his neck, looking suddenly exhausted. And Nursey considers the day and realizes what he’s getting at, feels ridiculously foolish for thinking he meant something else. Embarrassment spikes inside of him. 

Dex repeats a much quieter, “I’m offering.”

“Please stop saying that.” Nurse forces a low laugh. “It sounds like you’re propositioning me.” 

“I heard you. Earlier.” Dex just barrels through it, “I did and I get it but you don’t have to handle everything on your own so I’m,” Dex trails off and does that weird gesture again, encompassing the space between them. Something clicks.

“You’re offering? Like with the grocery bags?” 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

Nursey narrows his eyes. Because isn’t that just fucking great. Like the idiot didn’t listen a single fucking word he said on the T. A familiar and ugly defensiveness creeps into his voice. 

“You wanna carry my books to class, Dexy?”

The result is automatic, Dex’s jaw clicks into a hard line. 

“Oh fuck off, I just want to,” 

He watches Dex’s gaze trail and drop to the floor, second guessing himself. 

“Want to what?” Because Dex doesn’t get to do this. He doesn’t get to think he’s swooping in like a white knight. Doesn’t get to only be like that under the disguise of concern.

“Just want to help.” Dex responds. It feels like a slap in the face. 

“Why?” He knows it sounds angry because he’s angry. Frustrated. 

“Jesus.” Dex puts his hands up, takes a step back, quiets his voice, “Sorry for giving a shit about you.”

“Is that what it is though?”

And Nursey pushes because he has to know. Has to hear Dex say it. Confirm he didn’t really listen. That Nursey was just delusional earlier like always. That Dex really does think he’s just a fucking mess unable to take care of himself. 

“Yeah. Nurse. Yeah, it is. Alright?” Dex fires back, arms crossed over his chest, “I know that’s hard to believe. I know everyone thinks I’m horrible to you and a complete asshole. But I do fucking care. Of course I fucking! And it really sucks seeing you all messed up!” Dex is nearly shouting and seems to recognize that. Nurse watches him inhale deeply, and with what seems like great effort, change his tone, “I know you don’t need my help, believe me. I know you don’t. And I’m probably the last person you, well, whatever, it doesn’t matter. Fuck. This isn’t what I fucking wanted to say. Shit.”

Nurse looks at the flustered boy in front of him. Feels his neck crack with phantom whiplash. Hours ago he let himself fantasize. Let himself ponder the idea of _how fucking good_ Dex looked just like this. So authentically himself. Now he wonders if it was all just a nasty illusion. 

“I just, I know you do a lot and I know you can handle it but you don’t have to do everything on your own.” Dex stands in front of him.

“So what, exactly, are you offering?” Nurse questions, expecting Dex to turn and walk out of the room at any second. 

“I don’t know.” Dex sighs, dropping his head. And Nurse wants to laugh. Or snarl. Because of course he doesn’t get this. Nurse should have known better than to expect him too. He’s content to just watch Dex stand there until he leaves. 

“I guess,” Dex starts, and Nurse is just waiting because this should be good and he can’t wait to fucking rip into him, “I don’t mind reading?” 

Dex looks over at him, eyes honest, blush creeping up his neck. And Nurse is suddenly unsure of everything ever that has ever happened. Ever. 

“To me.”

“To you.” Dex confirms like admitting it is painful. He almost snorts. 

“Reading to me.” He clarifies. Again. 

“If it’s, if that’s, uh, alright?” Dex asks, looking, oh what’s the word, flustered. He feels dizzy with it.

What the fuck is even going on anymore? Did he miss the part where they got beamed back to a different planet?

“Look, it’s fine. I just thought, but. Fuck, never mind.” Dex rambles, looking more uncomfortable by the second, about ready to bolt. And Nurse realizes he didn’t actually respond to him. 

Nurse’s head is spinning. Because not only does none of this makes sense but it’s like a punch to the gut how much he fucking _wants_ Dex to actually continue reading. It’s actually embarrassing. 

He knows he shouldn’t. That’s how he always gets hurt. Because there’s still some shit between them. There probably always will be. And yeah, there was that bullshit apology over the summer, and even with the cold shoulder treatment earlier, it seems like they’re maybe trying to course correct. Meaning that one of them hasn’t gone fucking nuclear yet. So. There’s that at least. 

And there’s something tenuous here. Something delicate and paper thin. Like a thread pulling a seam shut. Or frail wires connecting to a ticking time bomb. 

“I guess you’re not too terrible at it.” He concedes and Dex’s head whips back up. 

“Wow. Thanks.” Dex deadpans. But it's with a small smile. 

“You could probably use some more practice.” 

“Yeah.” Dex nods, voice impossibly quiet, “More practice sounds good.” 

And Nurse almost falls apart right then and there. But. 

“But only when I ask, okay?” Because even though none of this makes sense, Nurse has to remember how they got here in the first place, “Don’t go around picking up every grocery bag.”

Impossibly, Dex is still smiling.

“Yeah. I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, our space boy Nursey. Bless his heart.


	7. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV
> 
> “Oh my god.” And of course, Tango just laughs at him. “Next time I see him?” Tango whistles low, “Oh. He’s going to hear it from me. Let me tell you. If he’s not being an absolute gentleman, he’s going to catch these hands.”

“Hey!” 

Dex hears someone shouting at him as he walking across the quad and he has precious few seconds after he recognizes the voice to brace himself. 

“Hey! Dex! Hi!” And sure enough, Tango nearly leaps and fucking crashes into his side, latching onto his arm. Every. Goddamn. Time. At least he’s learned to plant his feet. Tango starts cheerily chattering away like always does and Dex keeps walking, “What are beautiful day, huh? How are you? Good. Great. So. Oh, also? Dex. How was last night? ‘Cause like, I can tell you how my night went but I mostly just stared at my Statistics homework until-”

Dex stops walking. Looking over at the ball of energy attached to his arm. He frowns.

“Fuck. I-” He starts but Tango cuts him off. 

“No! No! It’s totally cool. Totally.” Tango bounces on his toes and Dex really looks at him to see if he’s truly not upset. Tango’s hands are widely gesturing, and he’s beaming. Maybe he’s in the clear. “It wasn’t like a definite plan or anything so like no worries at all. I just thought you’d be at the Haus but apparently you weren’t. So. Cool, right? There’s no need to apologize? And anyway,” Tango looks up at him like Bitty just gave him the last cookie, eyes twinkling “someone _else_ helped me.”

Dex snorts. Rolls his eyes. This kid. He keeps walking.

“You cheating on me, Anthony?” He looks back over and watches Tango’s eyes go comically wide and Tango is rushing forward to grab at his arm again. 

“William. I would never!” Tango gasps and he can’t help it. Tango is laughing. And he cracks a smile. Maybe he laughs too, sue him. “But Dex, listen.” Tango continues seriously as they fall into step, “I can and will keep asking, you know? So like. Better to just tell me now. So. Out with it or I will start guessing, okay?” And Dex shudders a little. It never ends well when Tango’s intuitive ass starts guessing. He pulls his shoulders up. 

“I was out.” They walk a few more paces, “Grocery shopping.” He reluctantly mumbles out feeling like an idiot. 

And Tango leans right up against him, “With?” He pulls out the word while lifting his voice, smile blinding. Dex scoffs.

“Why do you do this if you already know?” 

Tango makes this annoying little happy sound that’s just grating on his ears. Dex rolls his eyes and sighs again. Thank fuck his next class is only a few more buildings away. Should be a short walk. Tango can fit a lot into a short walk though. Especially when he’s literally weighing him down by annoyingly gripping him with both hands by the forearm. He’s made the mistake exactly once of underestimating Tango’s strength and that was enough. He knows there’s no simply yanking his arm free until Tango somehow deems it time. 

“This is such good news? Best news I’ve heard all day! It’s just. Dex. Keep up. Tell me everything, yes?” 

He sighs and grumbles. “It was nothing.”

“Did you finally ask him out?” Tango positively _shrills._ Dex thinks he might need to invest in some earplugs. “Oh my god and I missed it?”

“Stop.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Dex. Dex! _Dex._ Are you even listening?” Tango rumbles, pulling on his arm. “Or course not, you talk too much. This is such good news. Good. Great, even.”

Dex doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this. He’s drops his voice and he hopes it sounds like a warning, “Tango.”

“Oh my god.” And of course, Tango just laughs at him. “Next time I see him?” Tango whistles low, “Oh. He’s going to hear it from me. Let me tell you. If he’s not being an absolute gentleman, he’s going to catch these hands.”

And the thing is? The kid looks serious. Dex doesn’t stop himself from snorting. Loudly. 

“Thanks, Tony. But you don’t need to go defending my honor. There’s nothing there.”

He really shouldn’t be indulging Tango like this, it only encourages him.

“Yet. But he’s on thin ice that one. Thin ice.” Tango enunciates and he’s still beaming up at him. It wears Dex down. A little. And fuck. It’s. It’s sort of nice. Whatever. 

He lowers his voice and turns towards Tango, “You’re protectiveness is touching but not needed.”

“Are you kidding? Dex.” Tango dances in front of him, effectively stopping their forward movement. “You’re like, man. No offense. But it’s totally needed? You’re a delicate but incredibly thorny cactus. A mild breeze will knock you over. So. It’s up to me, right? And I’d thrown down in heartbeat if he’s not treating you right.”

“Yeah. Well.” Dex has to turn his head away. He knows if anyone else called him a fucking delicate cactus he’d lay them the fuck out. “Guess I’d do the same if I ever catch Whiskey,”

Tango suddenly twists and jumps away from him, pulling him forward again. “Nope. No. Stop. None of that. We’re not talking about my night we’re talking about yours. So,”

“Oh so it was Whiskey who helped you with your Stats homework last night?”

“You know, I. It’s. We weren’t. Stop! All of it. Your face. Stop smirking like that Dex it isn’t attractive.”

“Wow. Look at that blush.”

“Dex! I said stop smirking like that!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild Tango appears ...


	8. Nursey POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nursey POV
> 
> “They’ve always been opposites. Made clearer now in this instance. Because right now, right now he knows he’s a bundle of high-powered fireworks held together by a string just waiting for a spark to explode, and Dex, Dex has never looked less incendiary.”

His fingers tense, pulse, and ache for his journal. 

Maybe, Nursey thinks from the entryway to the living room, he’s intruding. 

He’d write something about this. He considers the adjective _tender._

Dex is on the couch, full sprawl, all loose limbs and boneless posture. Comfortable in a way that makes Nursey sway. Shoulders rounded and dropped, there’s nothing hardline or intense about any of it. It’s soft. Unaware. Relaxed in a way Dex would never let himself be during normal operating hours. He’s certain Dex is just radiating warmth and Nursey wants to _touch._

He thinks of the Public Market. Thinks of sitting pressed up against Dex on the T. Thinks of other planets and different rules and how much of an idiot he is. 

No, scratch that. He wouldn’t write something about this. Couldn’t. 

He’s not sleeping. Has he mentioned that?

It claws at him, inside. He feels exposed and raw and he’s way past the point of giving a shit about it. He tossed and turned and sighed enough times before finally getting out of bed and realizing he was alone in his room. And, once again, way past the point of giving a shit and already too wrapped up in his own head to examine it closely, he decided that he didn’t want to be alone. Not tonight. Not again. 

Fuck the bags under his eyes and his messed up hair and fuck the fact that his hoodie probably has that lived in smell. Fuck him for wanting to apologize for them. 

He’s a few steps out of the room when he pauses, because fuck Dex too, and doubles back to grab the book. 

They’ve always been opposites. Even though he hates the the thought. Opposites when observed by others, at least. Made clearer now in this instance. Because right now, right now he knows he’s a bundle of high-powered fireworks held together by a string just waiting for a spark to explode, and Dex, Dex has never looked less incendiary. 

Something about it makes him teeter. Equal parts ready to bolt back up to his bed and crawl into the open space on the couch. 

But he can do this now. He can. He thinks it’s okay. He hopes this is okay now. Taking a chance, he tosses the book at his roommate. 

It hits Dex squarely in the chest and falls to his lap. 

For his part, the redhead only slightly startles and shoots him a ‘what the fuck’ look. Nursey just stands there, crosses his arms over his chest, and tries not to think about how much he doesn’t want to walk back up to his cold room and go back into his cold bed. 

Dex regards him slowly, Nursey refuses to fidget. 

The low-pitched voice always gets to him. 

“You okay?” Dex asks with a raised eyebrow. It’s an empty question and they both know it. 

He shrugs in response. And that’s the most honest he’s been in awhile. 

“Right, yeah.” Dex nods to himself, and he’s already moving. Pushing himself into a sitting position, drawing his knees up, “Come on and sit.”

Nurse takes a step, stops. Freezes. Is this too much? Is he bothering Dex? Maybe he’s watching something really important to him? What the fuck was he even thinking. 

“It can wait if you’re watching something.”

Dex snorts, grabs the remote and gestures at the screen. “I’ve seen this like twelve times.” And turns it off.

“I get it if you don’t want to stay up and-”

Dex shakes his head and twists, pushing his back into the armrest and folding his knees up to rest against the back of the couch. He flips through the pages of the book. 

“Chapter six, right?”

“Eight.” Nursey corrects, collapsing in the space at the end of the couch, tries not to let too much of the flood of relief bleed through, “I read six and seven last night.”

“Without me?” Dex bites out. And Nurse is just about to comment on the not needed sarcasm when he catches Dex’s gaze. And _oh._

He’s actually ... upset? 

It trips Nursey up. 

“Oh, I,” He casts about for something because Dex actually looks angry, “I didn’t think you’d mind?”

Dex huffs. “Well, how I am suppose to keep up with what’s happening?”

Nurse almost laughs. Because _what._

“I didn’t know you,” he shakes his head, “I didn’t think you’d care about following the story?”

“You’re right, it’s a lot easier to read a book when you have no idea what’s going on.” Dex snaps back. 

And he has to pause, stop, and look over Dex. Lately, so many things haven’t been making sense. This might as well be one of them. Why the hell would Dex actually care about the stupid book Nursey’s making him read aloud. 

“I’m sorry?” He tries. Dex just grumbles and shakes it off.

“Just tell me what happened. What did I miss?”

“Seriously?” 

“Yeah, seriously, dumbass.” Dex throws back. And Nurse is still a bundle of fireworks, still ready to explode beautifully across the night sky, but this? This he can do. 

He fights a smile. “Okay, well, remember they wanted to take over that farmland on the other side of the mountains?”

“Yeah, the knights were just setting off to go fuck some shit up.”

This time he does smile. Allowing it. It’s a small thing. “Right, yes. Okay so the like lead knight guy? He totally fucked up the plan. Nearly got that really hot knight killed. Apparently the farmland is like, enchanted.” 

Nursey explains, hands wide, Dex is inexplicably nodding along like this all really matters to him. 

“Wait, which one is the hot knight? Baker?”

“Baker?! Dude, no. You think he’s the hot one?”

“He’s the strongest, right? I remember reading something about him splitting logs with his bare hands.”

“Is that how it is? Jesus Dex, you’re shallow.” Dex sends him an callous look but stretches out one of his legs. His ankle knocks against Nursey’s knee. “Anyway, no, I’m talking about Nash.”

“The dude that takes care of the horses and complains all the time?” Dex shoots him an unimpressed look. 

“He’s brooding! His heart just got shattered by the fine Lady Ava before they took up the quest. Let the hot knight brood.”

“Ava is better off without him.” Dex mutters, looking entirely pissed. “He never appreciated her like he should have.

“Oh my god they’re so meant to be together, don’t even play.” Nurse hears the defense in his own voice. If Dex read the full story he’d understand. He’d see they’re fated for each other. “He needs to atone and find the magic amulet, remember?”

“Whatever.” Dex settles deeper into the couch, “I bet Nash’s dumbass wandered right into that enchanted farmland because he was too busy looking at fucking cloud shapes or something.”

“He didn’t,” Nursey tries to immediately defend the hot knight but considers, he leans into the couch too, “well, I guess he was sort of distracted by these lingering memories of,”

“I knew it! That fucking moron.” Dex cuts him off and starts rapidly flipping the pages back, “Hold up, I am totally going back and reading what I missed.”

Nursey stares in disbelief. He shifts. “And what, I’ll just sit here until you finish?”

“Uh yeah?” Dex doesn’t even look up at him, already reading, “Serves you right for reading without me.” He grumbles and Nursey decides he’s finished with trying to make sense of things. 

Maybe he should have stopped a long time ago. Maybe it’s less about atoning like the hot knight Nash and more about what you’re doing right now. And right now. Right now Dex is gripping between his hands Nursey’s beaten-up and battered copy of a book that’s been with him longer than any relationship he’s ever had. A book he’s almost never without. Right now Dex is speed-reading it, reverently flipping a page. Right now Dex is loose and warm next to him. So fucking warm. And it’s okay. This is okay. They can do this. It feels awfully like a first step. 

“Whatever. Just read it aloud.” 

Dex does.

And it’s like. 

Well. It’s rapidly becoming his new favorite thing. 

Nursey pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and wrestle with it. “If I fall asleep, wake me up before you start chapter eight.”


	9. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV
> 
> “Tango hits the elevator button and turns to face Dex, properly. “Good golly.” Dex watches his gaze skim over his face. Tango blanches. Which makes Dex smile, oddly proud.”

The side-eye Ford sends his way is honestly unwarranted. But maybe, still, for past transgressions, it’s a little deserving. 

It surprised him too when Nursey stepped onto the bus for one of their first roadies, walked passed literally every other member of SMH, and plopped down into the seat next to him. 

That’s when he made eye contact with Ford. She sent him a warning look and Dex motioned back helplessly. It’s not like he planned this. 

They head off for their roadie and Dex can admit to himself he’s a bundle of nerves. And it has nothing to do with the upcoming game. 

Luckily, he doesn’t have time to say the wrong thing or fuck anything up. They’re not a full five miles away from Samwell before Nursey shifts, shimmies, slides down into his chair and leans back. Just barely, but still totally, brushed up against Dex’s right side. He’s asleep within minutes. 

From there on out, and without interruption, it becomes a thing. Every roadie. Even the short ones. Nurse is passed out on Dex’s shoulder within minutes. 

Dex thinks about it later. When he’s getting stitched up. They’re up in New Hampshire this time, the drive much longer than usual. He thinks about Nursey’s deep, even breathing. Thinks about how he didn’t want to move or twitch or fucking breathe during the whole two and a half hour trek in the event that it would disturb his line partner. Thinks about the heat crawling up into his ears, settling warm and heavy where they’re pressed together. Thinks about ridiculously expensive cologne that he always breathes in, thinks about how it makes him a little crazy. Thinks about hoodies and books about faraway castles and the way Nurse smiles when he’s trying not to. He thinks of the finality of it all when he realizes he’s incomparably fucked. 

He laughs. Laughs loudly. Dislodging the team trainer’s hands trying to cautiously wipe off the last of the blood around the stitches just above his upper lip on the left side. 

Doctor Marisol tsks him and tells him to sit still. 

But he’s still laughing, hiccuping with it. Nursey is so far out of his league it’s stupid funny. He’s charming and brilliant and good and bright and magnetic and _yeah,_ he knows all of this. He’s known since day one, of course. Has had this talk with himself many times before. It’s just, it was much easier to deny and be all grumbly about it from afar. Not so easy when he, you know, falls asleep on you. He’s screwed.

“You sure nothing’s wrong with his head?” Coach Hall asks, shooting Dex an annoyed look. He sobers, slightly. Then fails, snorting into the back of his hand.

“He cleared concussion protocol.” Doctor Marisol responds dryly, dabbing something that stings onto his stitches. Dex hisses but it deteriorates into a laugh. Maybe he is finally cracking. What a away to go, though. Realizing he’s totally and overwhelmingly caught up on his teammate/roommate/maybe friend feels an awful lot like taking a high stick to the face. 

“He’s just not normally,” Coach Hall stops and gestures to whole of Dex, slumped up on the trainers table, giggling into his shoulder, “like this.” 

“Probably just the pain meds.” She responds, carefully prodding at his lip.

He said he didn’t need them for the pain but when the doctor rolled her eyes and graphically described exactly what it would feel like to stitch up the delicate skin without something to inhibit the resulting pain, he relented. 

_It’s not the painkillers._ He wants to protest. He’s just losing his mind. To think Nursey would actually ... would even consider him, _like_ him, at all, it’s ridiculous. He’s incomprehensibly done for. It sets him off again.

“Okay.” The doctor sets a warm but solid hand on his shoulder, cutting him off, she lowers her voice, “That needs to stop before you rip them out.” 

“Sorry.” But with a swollen lip and bruised jaw, it sounds garbled and distorted. He nods and tries to breathes. 

She goes back to prodding at his lip and carefully lifts it up to check out his teeth. “You’re lucky you didn’t lose any pearly whites, kid.” 

“That would have been a good look for you, though.” 

Dex head snaps up because that sounds a lot like, 

“Bits.” Dex smiles, even though it kind of hurts. He might be drooling, too. 

“Wow,” Bitty moves closer, crossing the training room to stand next to Coach Hall. And he knows what he must look like. A stick to the face can cause a lot of superficial damage. But Bitty just beams back at him, still in his full gear, the game must have just ended, “you look as handsome as ever.”

Dex feels himself flush. He ducks his head. Doctor Marisol just huffs at him as if she can see right through him and sets about checking the rest of this face for any other injuries. He stifles his next bout of giggles threatening to overflow when Doctor Marisol sends him a _‘can you not’_ look of impatience. 

He focuses on Bitty’s voice, filling in Coach Hall on how the rest of the period went. They won, of course. Apparently Chowder finished with some monster saves because of course he did. The rest of the d-men stepped up. Even killed the power play from the Nurse penalty.

And, wait, what. 

“Nurse took a penalty?”

Coach Hall and Bitty send him matching looks of concern. They both seem to silently agree to ignore him. Which is annoying. 

Bitty turns and smiles brightly to the trainer, “What’s the prognosis, doc?”

“Oh, he’s fine.” Doctor Marisol stands and ruffles Dex’s hair. Which is also, like, a little annoying. “Just a few stitches. It’ll be sore for a while, and it’s gonna bruise up like a nightmare, but thankfully, it’s just a nasty gash. Might get a pretty little scar, too.” 

And Dex can’t help it. He thinks of a scar just above his lip. Thinks about how un-pretty it would look, realistically. How people don’t want to kiss unpretty things. And he starts laughing again. He’s never stood a chance. The sooner he catches on to that … he can’t help the hiccuped giggles. 

Now all three of them are looking at him with varying levels of concern. Doctor Marisol moves over to the counter behind the desk and drops a few things into a paper bag and sets the bag next to Dex. Thinks better of it, and passes it to Bitty. 

“I’ll tell both of you ‘cause it seems like our friend here isn’t quite with us.” She points at the paper bag, “Low grade painkillers if it’s giving him much trouble, ointment to help it heal and keep it from getting infected, and more gauze then you’ll need but lip cuts have a tendency to reopen. Explain all this to him when he comes down. Oh, and have him check back in with me in a few days.” 

“But he’s good though?” Coach Hall asks again cautiously, given Dex another questionable once-over. 

“Yup.” Marisol smiles, snapping off her gloves. “Eating will be strenuous, but he obviously needs to soldier through. Make sure he doesn’t mash his face into, well, a pillow. When he sleeps.” She turns to address him this time, “All other face-mashing activities are off limits too, you got me?”

Dex rips off into another peel of muffled laughter. Sort of more mindful of the new stitches, though. It’s like they’re _trying_ to rub salt in the wound. 

“Don’t worry,” He hears Doctor Marisol turning back to the other two, “the giggle fits will wear off soon. Didn’t know he was such a lightweight. But he’s got the green light from me, boys.”

“Well, thank you, Mari.” Coach Hall moves to shake her hand, Bitty does the same. “We always appreciate it.”

“I know, I know. I’m the best.” Dex watches the doctor turn to head back out of the training room, Coach Hall following her out. Before reaching the door Doctor Marisol calls back to Bitty, “Don’t let him rip out those stitches, they were a bitch and a half to put in!”

Bitty smiles broadly and waves. Calling back something about taking care of the patient and telling Coach Hall he’s ‘got it from here.’ Once they’re gone, Dex watches his captain shift, watches him tense up and turn to _level him_ with a glare. He’s embarrassed at how much it actually frightens him. 

“Honestly, Dex. I can’t believe you.” Bitty’s voice is hushed but forceful, hands on his hips, and Dex feels like he’s in trouble but can’t sort out why. “A high stick to the face? Really? Do you know how hard that was to watch? Don’t put me through that.”

He smirks, gestures at his busted up face, “Wasn’t a lot of fun to go through myself, Bits.”

And Bitty mercifully relents, “I know, sugar. I know.” He’s patting Dex on the arm, “Alright, let’s get you out of here, huh? Let’s change and get you to the bus and we’ll all pray the hotel isn’t too”

Someone throws open the door to the trainer’s room. And they’re _yelling._

“Pointdexter, I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re injured, I will knock you out myself if you ever, ever do that to me again.”

Dex considers Nursey crossing the room. Fresh off the ice post-game. Sweating, breathing ragged, hands waving, ranting at Dex. And fucking loses it. Fuck the stitches.

“What the hell were you thinking, huh? Goading Swanson like that all game? You know he’s has a history of nasty plays.”

“Nursey, honey. Not a good time.” Bitty tries but Dex watches Nurse politely sidestep him.

“Do you know what it’s like having to watch your ... holy shit.” 

Nurse stops right in front of him. 

“What. The fuck. Happened.” Nurse is breathing hard, voice low and dangerous like Dex has never heard. He must have really fucked up this time. But how? Still unclear. 

“He’ll be fine, Derek. Breathe.” That’s Bitty again but Dex can’t turn to look at him because he’s pinned with Nursey’s stare. 

“Bits! Look at him!” Nurse frantically gestures at him and honestly, he’s a little offended. 

“‘M sitting right here.” He manages to mumble out, though his lip feels like it’s quadrupled in size. Nurse’s eyes narrow at him. And wow, Nurse has like, real fucking nice eyes. He hiccups, coughs, and shakes with laughter. The look Nurse sends him is alarming.

“What the hell is wrong with him?” 

“Nurse, he’s fine.” Bitty sighs, Dex feels him pat his arm again, “It’s just the painkillers doing their job.”

Nurse doesn’t look convinced. “What’d the doc say?”

“Just that tiny scratch.” Bitty waves him off, voice light and airy. “Right, Dex? All this fuss for a couple of stitches.”

“Yeah.” He nods sluggishly, “Jus’ a coupla stitches.”

He smiles, or tries to. It must look as bad as it feels because Nursey just glares back at him. 

“Jesus, Dex. Don’t fucking talk, alright? I can’t with you right now.”

Dex watches Nursey half turn like he’s about to walk away and no. That’s not, that’s not good. He drops his head. 

“Why’s’eryone mad at me?”

“Oh, honey, no.” Bitty steps closer to his side, hand gripping his shoulder now, voice soft, “No one’s mad at you. It’s just something horrible having to watch someone you care for get hurt. Makes us a little heated, that’s all.” He looks at his captain, sees the sincerity plain as day, but looks back at Nurse who’s still not even looking at him, shoulders drawn up. Yeah, no. He shakes his head. 

“He’s mad.” Dex gestures with a nod towards Nurse. 

“Dex,” Nurse starts, tone like they’re about to argue, but shakes his head. “Fuck. No, I’m not mad, I’m not. Okay?” And he’s saying it and looking at him but Dex knows better, can read the agitation oozing from his body language. 

He crosses his arm over his chest, suddenly tired. Bitty sighs and steps between them. 

“Alright, well.” Bitty looks over his shoulder to Nurse, “Can you stay with him while I quick change and grab the rest of his stuff?”

“Sure, Bits.” Nurse rumbles and nods.

“Be right back.” Bitty brushes his hand down Dex’s arm before zipping out of the room.

He drops his head and breathes into the silence. 

He wants to laugh, something dry and derisive this time. But can’t. Suddenly his face fucking _hurts._

And he’s acutely aware it’s just him and Nurse now. Which is, weird. 

He sits there. Because he has to. Buoyed to the stupid trainer’s table until Bitty gets back and deems him stable enough to walk to the bus. So he sits there. 

Nursey steps in front of him. 

“Are you,” Dex watches Nursey’s face pull up tightly, he shakes his head fractionally, then relaxes, his voice much softer, “does it hurt? A lot?”

And he’s inches and miles away. Nursey is right there. Voice full of something that sounds a lot like concern. A little like he’s the one in pain and not Dex with a face full of stitches. His head spins. Dex doesn’t respond because Nursey is just looking at him and he has no idea what he’s supposed to say or how he’s supposed to be capable of thought right now. 

“I didn’t see what happened.” Nursey continues, voice still so quiet, seemingly unconcerned with Dex’s non answer. “I didn’t see it. Then you’re, you’re down on the ice and C’s shouting at the ref and fuck, Dex, there was like _so much_ blood and I,”

“Hey,” Dex doesn’t like the way Nurse’s face drops, “‘m’fine, man. Nothin’ serious.”

Nurse shakes his head. “No. You’re hurt.”

And Dex almost laughs. Almost. It’s a near thing. Because yes, he got hurt. But it’s not even that big of a deal? He’s not injured. He didn’t break anything. It’s definitely not enjoyable but it’s tolerable. He probably won’t even have to miss any games. Well, maybe just a couple. So, Nurse shouldn’t be as upset as he is. And it doesn’t make sense. Which is why he almost laughs. But one look at Nurse and he decides that’s a very bad idea. If he wasn’t already convinced how fucked he is, he’d certainly understand now. 

Nurse is looking at him with this intense type of determination. And Dex freezes.

Dex, impossibly, watches one of Nursey’s hands come up to his face. It stops. Hovering a few centimeters away. For a second, Dex thinks time stopped. Like his breathing. It makes him look up at Nursey. 

“Can I?” Nurse breathes, minutely gestures with his fingertips. 

Dex nods. 

The coldness of it makes him flinch, just once. Because it’s the softest of touches, barely any pressure on the outside corner of his mouth. Fingertips smoothing up and around the cut, giving it a wide berth, bumping against Dex’s nose, sliding down his Cupid’s bow. There’s a thumb under his jaw, resting there. 

“Does it hurt?” He asks again, and Nursey’s voice is just as soft as his fingertips and he’s so much closer and Dex is, will always be, helpless. 

“Not anymore.” 

He watches Nursey bite his lip, failing to contain a smile. Wants to tell him that like, that’s his _favorite thing._ He feels featherlight fingers move up, gently skating over the bruise he knows must be blooming across his cheekbone. He’s pretty sure he’s not breathing. 

As quickly as it happened, Nurse’s fingers are gone. Dex tries to not let himself be upset about it. 

 

.

.

.

 

They‘re finally at the hotel and so many things happen at the same time. 

Ford’s issuing keycards, Bitty’s speaking with the coaches, Nursey leaves him standing in the lobby, saying something about talking to a taddy. Ollie comes up to him and starts telling him about his brother that took a high stick to the eye in high school and needed surgery and Dex thinks he’s going to be sick. Before he can collapse into one of the nice sofas by the fake fireplace, Tango is pulling at his sleeve. 

It’s a nod to the state Dex is in that he lets himself be pulled easily. 

“Alright, big guy. You ready? Let’s go. I’ll even let you have the first shower.” Tango’s pushing him towards the elevator. “Or, are you allowed to shower? I I mean you should, dude. But, that’s probably going to sting, huh?” Tango hits the elevator button and turns to face Dex, properly. “Good golly.” Dex watches the underclassman’s gaze skim over his face. Tango blanches. Which makes Dex smile, oddly proud. 

“I’ll be fine.”

They shuffle into the elevator. Tango, a never ending flurry of movement, rocks back on his heels and up to his toes. Repeatedly. 

It used to annoy Dex. Tango’s ceaseless energy. But he understands it better now. He previously thought it was due to Tango’s obvious discomfort and nervousness having to be around Dex. But he’s learned it has nothing to do with him. That’s just all 100% Anthony Tangredi. Just how he is. And now, Dex would be concerned if he ever wasn’t bouncing off the walls. 

“Right. Of course you will be fine. Of course.” Tango stops at a door, produces a keycard, and wastes little time shoving Dex into their room. “Oh, also? Are you like okay enough to tutor? It’s just, there’s this one concept I can’t quite figure out but,” Tango tosses his stuff at the foot of the first bed, and turns to face him, stopping himself short. Dex slouches off his gear bag and takes a seat on the other bed. “Wait, sorry. No. Forget it.” Dex notices Tango’s fingers drumming against his thigh. “You probably want to just get to sleep, huh? Bit of a day you’ve had, right? You should just sleep. Now. I can bother you later.” Tango finishes by waving an arm and turning, shuffling through his bag. 

It’s strange, Dex thinks, what being roadie roommates with Tango has done to him. It took Tango approximately two seconds to figure him out, and that, Dex can admit now, was unsettling. He remembers when Ford first announced they’d be paired up. Remembers how all of SMH looked at Tango like he was a lamb to slaughter. Remembers how even he thought it would go horrifically bad. No one could have predicted this. Well, no one besides Tango.

Because he’s not bothered. In fact, all he wants to do is listen. Tango’s nonstop and familiar chatter settles over him because it’s routine now. Can’t remember what it would be like not to have a constant stream of consciousness floating around his hotel room. It’d probably be pretty lonely. Anthony Tangredi is loud and anxious and cannot stop moving or saying what he’s thinking in the moment. But he’s present. And vibrant. And pulls Dex right out of his own head. And through sheer force of will has blasted past every one of Dex’s barriers.

Plus like, Tango _always_ packs the best snacks. 

Dex feels himself smile. Even if it’s lopsided. 

“I can to take a look at your stats homework.” 

Tango spins around, smile blinding.

“Oh, awesome! That’s awesome. You’re awesome. Thanks, man.”

“No problem.” Dex slides over, knowing what’s about to happen. 

He can admit in the privacy of the shared hotel room, that he really secretly enjoys helping Tango with his required Stats class work. 

Also really enjoys the fact that it will probably be one worksheet or one problem set Tango has a question on. But he knows, without fail, that Tango will take out his binder, his folders, a notebook half filled with Latin notes and sketches, the Stats textbook even though they don’t follow it in class, every pencil he can scrounge out of his backpack, all of his fancy art pens he’s never far from, and finally, after nearly dumping everything on Dex’s bed, Tango will finally liberate the one sheet he’s working on. 

Tango is the perfect student. He listens, asks questions, and pushes Dex to explain concepts in new, somewhat creative, ways. He’s not satisfied until he really, truly understands whatever concepts he’s learning. Dex realizes quickly that Tango is not just looking for Dex to tell him how to do the problems or help him just get it done. For someone who’s never going to take another math course, Tango takes it just as seriously as any of his art courses that he’s actually invested in. Dex admires that quality. He tells him so. 

“Oh. Wow. Um, thanks?” Tango’s smile is quiet. Dex comments on it. 

He’s rewarded with Tony’s clear and bright full bodied laughter. “Ah, sorry. I’ll try to smile more loudly. Thanks, though. That’s a sweet thing to say?”

Dex doesn’t miss the look of consideration Tango throws his way. He frowns. 

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

“I’m not!” Tango turns back on him, “You know I’m not. Sorry. It’s just?” And Dex waits, takes in the toe tapping against the bed frame and the pen twirling across fingers, “Nursey told me about the painkillers, you know? And like, I know you totally have the capacity to be like, plenty sweet all on your own. So I’m choosing to believe your behavior now has nothing to do with any of that. Right? It just made me second guess you for a second, which, sorry, not cool.” Tango actually looks a little guilty and Dex decides he’s having none of that. 

“Hey. It’s cool.” He shifts up on his bed, careful not to crush any stray books or markers, “No worries, man.” He musters up a genuine smile, even though it hurts, because it’s Tango. 

This time, Tango smiles back with his whole body. Warm and sincere and unashamed. And wow, Dex finds himself thinking, remembering some other late night conversations they’ve had, someone is really missing out with this one. But Dex isn’t going to reopen that can of worms tonight. Another time. And Tango’s talking. 

“So, yeah. Oh, but like also? Nursey did say that Bitty said to take some more before you go to sleep.”

Dex snorts. “Really. And what else did Nurse say?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing.” Tango’s rummaging around his gear bag, “Oh! Wait!” He freezes, considers, “I lied. He did say something else.” Tango dives for his other backpack, “Hang on, let me find it.”

Dex, suddenly impatient, leans forward, “Tango.”

“Aha! Here it is!” Tango pulls out something and turns to show it to Dex. “He said you left it on the bus?”

And, it’s the book. The book. The book he started reading to Nurse. Which, what? 

“Oh, right. Guess I must have.” 

Tango smiles and passes the book over to him. And Dex doesn’t understand.

“Looks like a wicked cool book, dude. You’re totally going to have let me borrow it sometime. That cover art reminds me of my friend Noah’s comic pieces. They’re so cool! I never could really get into that technique but ...“

Tango is off and running. And it’s not that Dex isn’t paying attention, because he is, he always is. But Tango is chattering away and making quick work of packing up his Stats stuff and Dex still doesn’t understand what he’s holding. Tango asks him if he’s going to shower now and Dex waves him off and he listens to Tango gather up his stuff whilst humming, and head to the bathroom. 

He pats himself down until he finds his phone. 

What’s Nurse playing at? It’s not his book, there’s no reason for him to have it. He only reads it when ... shit. He only reads it when Nurse asks him to? Is this Nurse asking? Is he supposed to do something? Find Nurse and ... and what? His lip is busted up. He knows it’s impairing his speech. And it kind of hurts to talk. Nurse really doesn’t expect him to read now, does he? 

Thankfully, he has a missed message. 

**Nurse: Think we left off when Lady Ava and Queen Isabella are about to seek their holy revenge. It’s badass. The duel scene is straight savage. Just thought it might help distract you from your battle wound.**

He smirks, warmth crawling up his chest. Because, that’s nice? Right? It’s a nice gesture. He shakes his head.

 

 _Nurse is confusing._

And maybe he should just send back a quick thank you and lose himself in the lengthy and tattered book in his lap. But there’s something more to it, he can feel it, or maybe that’s just him. Still, he can’t, Dex stops and reads the text again, and wait. He rolls his eyes.

Dex: You’re still reading ahead? Not cool.  
**Nurse: Bro. Secret time?**  
Dex: Fine.  
**Nurse: I’ve read this book so many times I’ve lost count. I know it backwards and forwards.**

And that. Well. Honestly, Dex isn’t really surprised. The book does look well loved and he finds it hard to consider a book that Nursey hasn’t read yet. Still, it doesn’t quite make sense.

Dex: Why the reread then? It must be kind of boring.  
**Nurse: Not at all. It’s one of my favorites for a reason. Plus it’s chill listening to you read it for the first time.**

_Oh._

Dex: I think I might be out of commission for a little bit.  
**Nurse: Yeah, I figured. Guess I’ll have to pick up the slack.**

 _Oh._

Dex’s freezes. Breathes. Nursey will read it to him?

Dex:Then I’ll wait.  
**Nurse: Chill.**

Dex puts his phone down, making sure to set his alarm. And stares at the book in his lap. If he’s smiling like an idiot, well, at least no one can see it.

Maybe just one chapter, though? He really is desperate to know how Queen Isabella will destroy the blundering dumbasses that dare attempted a coup. And, you know, the book is right here. Just one chapter, right. Wouldn’t hurt. Then Nurse can read the next couple of chapters to him. 

Right. 

Because that’s apparently a thing now. 

Dex breathes in, his chest constricting with it, lets out a shaky breath. _What the fuck is happening._

Now he knows he’s smiling like an idiot. He’s so fucked. And right now? Right now he doesn’t particularly care.


	10. Nurse POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nurse POV
> 
> “You blushing to your goofy ears right now, Pointdexter? 
> 
> A pillow, skillfully aimed, hits him in the face. “Go the fuck to sleep, Nurse.”

“Mhm, wow.” Nursey shakes his head, turning to his moron of a roommate, “Isn’t this a turn of events?”

Somehow, Nurse doesn’t even want to know how, Dex managed to open up the gruesome gash across his lip. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t enough to do any significant damage or pop a stitch, so, you know, small mercies. 

But it is gross. Because like, it’s fucking bleeding. And like dripping down Dex’s fucking mouth, down his chin, because he’s a complete idiot and didn’t think that’s, you know, worth mentioning. That’s how he walked into their room after his last class. Just sort of dabbing at it with a fucking kleenex like that was actually going to help and saying something that it ‘kind of hurt’. Nurse might have sworn. 

But now Nurse has him pressed up on the counter in the small bathroom. Pain meds taken and blood wiped away for the most part. Nursey’s applying a little pressure, hoping to stop the bleeding, listening to Dex take these horrible little half-breaths. 

“What’s a turn of events?” Dex sluggishly rumbles out. It’s a little bit slurred. 

Nursey shrugs, “I think this is the first time I’m helping you out rather than the other way around.”

He watches Dex’s eyebrows shoot up before the redhead scoffs.

“What are you talking about, come on.”

“No, for real.” He continues, grabbing new gauze while still applying some pressure, “Usually it’s my dumbass you gotta take care of, now I’m taking care of your dumbass. You know, role reversal and shit.” He laughs. Dex doesn’t. 

“You don’t have a dumbass you have a great ass.” 

Nurse drops the new gauze. And when he leans to quick catch it he knocks the little tube of prescribed neosporin right off the counter. Now, Dex is laughing. Nurse glares back at him.

It’s a parrot of a line, Nursey knows this. It’s something he himself said to Chowder just this morning. Knows that Dex’s muddled up brain is just throwing it back at him. But, they’re crowded together in the too small bathroom and Nursey’s fucking hands are on Dex’s face and he’s still gets upset every time he _looks_ at those fucking stitches because someone hurt Dex and that’s not okay and Dex is so warm and he shouldn’t fucking say things like that without warning. He sighs, he needs to get it together. Dex is still laughing. Which is not helping the stop the bleeding mission. He sighs again.

He fixes the obnoxious redhead with an annoyed stare.

“Okay, my bad how about we don’t talk.” 

“No,” Dex starts, “it’s not true. About the helping me part.” He twitches, just slightly, Nurse feels it more than he sees it, listens to Dex’s voice quiet, “This isn’t the first time.”

“Oh, okay,” Nurse forces himself to laugh, he needs to get the hell out this bathroom, “the second or third time, then.”

“No, it’s like a millionth time, one millionth time?” Nurse watches Dex struggle with it, feels himself hold his breath, “I don’t know. Too many to count is my point.”

He blows out a breath, shaking his head. Retreat, he tells himself. Regroup, put up some distance. He nods towards the pain meds perched on the counter, “These tiny things really have that much of an effect on you? Damn, Pointdexter, you are a lightweight. I suggest you revisit the no talking clause until you’re less hopped up.”

“No, fuck. I’m not.” Dex groans, shifts, turns his head away from Nursey’s hands. “You know it’s not that. I’m just bad at talking but listen,” Nursey is frozen to the spot, hands hanging there uselessly, “you help me, everyday.”

And Dex says it with his head ducked, it comes out a little angry, a little too quiet. And Nurse has no idea what to do with it. 

He blinks. Balks. He takes a much needed step back. 

“Okay, alright.” He puts his hands up. “Whatever you say, man.”

Dex makes this sound like a frustrated whine and Nursey contemplates just turning and bolting out of the bathroom. He makes the mistake of looking back towards the giant idiot glaring at him from the counter. 

The next moment, Dex drops the glare and does something much worse. 

He smiles.

It’s small and lopsided and more of a smirk and its looks terrible with his fucking busted up face.

“Will you shut the fuck up I’m trying to say something nice.”

“Dex, you don’t-”

“No. I don’t. But I want to. And I think you need to hear it if that’s really what you believe so fucking listen, okay?” Dex reaches out, and Nursey just manages a nod. A heavy, solid, hand falls on his shoulder. Dex must be picking up on his bolting vibes. And his hand is so warm, almost scorching, Nursey let’s it radiate down his shoulder, down his arm, holding him in his spot. “You help me, everyday. You’re my teammate and my roommate and I think my friend, and every day you’re you and I’m better because of that.” 

Nurse isn’t breathing. Apparently Dex isn’t done. 

“The shit you let me do for you?” Dex hesitates, Nurse watches, fascinated, as he just shakes his head and breathes out. “It’s nominal. Comparatively. Plus, I like doing all that shit.”

Nurse isn’t going to survive all of this eye contact. It’s a shitty move. He knows it. But he turns away. Tossing the gauze pad into the trash.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Jesus, Nurse.” And now Dex finally sounds angry, “I do. It’s just fucking pain meds, I’m not like, compromised or whatever.” He scoffs, sitting further up on the counter. Nursey grateful for the space it gives him. But Dex is still fucking talking, “Look, I get it if you don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine. But you deserve to know the truth if it wasn’t obvious.”

Obvious. A funny word. Any other time he’d comment that nothing is obvious. Instead he huffs out a short breath. Tries not to shakes his head. 

“And what truth is that?”

And Dex shrugs. Bringing his shoulders up and angled, his hips supporting the balance effortlessly. 

Nursey thinks of Italian marble and contrapposto and sculpted forms. 

“You make me better.” Dex states. No anger, no sarcasm, no tone, no room for argument. “Everyday. That’s it.”

And now he’s thinking of different universes. Because.

He turns to face him. Catches the clear eyes, the blush high and faint to his ears, and those fucking stitches. 

He slips. Smiles. Bites it back. “That’s it, huh?” 

Dex’s smile is honestly atrocious, stretched wide. “Yeah. That’s it.”

And it’s too much. He feels his heartbeat in his fingertips. And tries to remember when Dex didn’t say shit like this. 

Tries to remember the early weeks. The silence. The miles between them. The fear that he fucked everything up so bad that his roommate would always hate him. He tries to remember that Dex. Holds him up against this Dex. Solid and close, guarded still but somehow open in these wild moments of the quiet in between. A Dex that wants him to know that he thinks Nursey makes him better. Nursey unwillingly thinks of galaxies and distant planets with upside down gravitational pull. 

“For someone who thinks they’re bad at talking,” Nurse chuckles, dialing up a smirk, “that was, uh-” 

A hand towel hits him in the face. 

“Don’t ruin it by saying something awful.” Dex grumbles out with this stupid fucking smirk. 

And Nursey watches him sit up. And he backs away to let Dex hop off the counter. At least the bleeding has definitely stopped. He’s about to say something but Dex is turning towards the door, “I’m going to grab some ice, for this. You need anything downstairs?” 

Nurse shakes his head. 

Dex just nods. And slips out of the bathroom. 

.

.

 

.

 

It’s late. Really late.

And he’s sitting cross legged on Dex’s bed. 

Which is a little bit of a prize in itself. Dex can get a little particular about his things. But when Nursey offered to read, internally cursing at Dex’s busted lip, Dex just sort of roughly cleared off a spot for him on his bed and pointed. He didn’t even complain when Nursey grabbed and yanked down his own blankets, throwing them haphazardly around Dex’s bed. Bright florals and clean lines mixing with dark plaids. Which. Nursey mostly did to annoy Dex but it didn’t really work. Dex just sort of gave him a funny look and rolled his eyes. Which. Nurse is stopping himself from looking too much into. So. 

Dex is sorting his laundry. Folding, stowing it away in his dresser, or hanging stuff in their shared closet. 

And Nursey is reading. Aloud. 

With his back turned to him, Nurse wouldn’t be sure if Dex was actually paying attention if he didn’t already know Dex had a vested, if sometimes hidden, interest in this ridiculous story. Plus, every so often Dex would make sounds signaling an appropriate response. An appreciative snort when Lady Ava’s group of misfits did something particularly cunning. A scoff when King Edwin said literally anything at all. And a derisive little ‘fucking moron’ when the hot knight Nash tried to show off his fire breathing skills and sent their whole allotment of hay up in smoke. 

Knowing he had an attentive audience, Nursey couldn’t help himself. Because it’s not that he didn’t believe what Dex said earlier. He just doesn’t agree. Or understand. And it feels too important to ignore.

There’s this space they created. These moments that somehow stay out of the mess that’s behind them. He replays Dex’s words from earlier for the thousandth time in his head, and lets himself recklessly hope that Dex feels it too. 

So he reads. And he knows there’s the part coming up where Merek finally finds the dragon’s nest. Which is like, totally impressive and cool as hell. He’s just about there and his dude Merek is running through the gates and, he pauses, breathes, picks his head up. 

“This is nice, right?”

It takes a moment. But Dex spins to looks at him, eyebrow raised. 

“Wait, what? What’s nice? What did he find? What’s fucking nice?”

The impatient tone makes Nursey laugh. Actually laugh. And he doesn’t stifle it. Dex looks annoyed, the hand not holding a soon-to-be folded t-shirt is propped on a hip. 

“No, stupid. This.” Nurse gestures with the book, encompassing the space between them. “This is nice. Right?”

Dex’s expression does not waver. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course it is.” Dex turns completely towards where Nurse is perched on his bed, “Now, what the fuck did he find? You can’t just stop there!”

“No, but like.” He considers Dex. The drop of his shoulders. The flannel stretched easily across his chest. His hair just a bit disheveled, longer than he usually keeps it. Nurse wonders that it’s probably long enough at the top to sink his fingers into. And he. Stops that fucking train of thought right fucking there. He shakes his head. “I mean, it’s good? Like, we’re good?”

“Uh.” Dex looks at him, pulls himself up straight, “Yes?”

“So, what you said earlier. In the bathroom. You meant it.”

Dex sends him a look. “Of course I fucking meant it.”

“You just don’t normally say stuff like that. Or you know, you’ve never.” Nurse flaps a hand hoping to indicate the past, “Really talked. Much. Before.”

“Before. Right.” Dex laughs and raises his eyebrows. “You know, that’s funny. Tango tells me I talk too much.”

Nurse nearly coughs out a barking laugh. “Tango thinks you talk too much?”

Dex just shrugs. “He’s big on listening.”

“Dex, I don’t understand.”

“Oh? The listening thing? Well, Tango has this thing like you listening by paying attention and you can’t,”

“No. Not that.” He’s beginning to get the feeling that he shouldn’t have brought this up. Maybe he should just keep reading. Because maybe there is something here. And he doesn’t want to push it. But. He looks up at Dex. And he just. He feels so much want. And that’s easy for him to say. Because it's a classic Derek Nurse move to throw himself into something he hasn’t thought through. And this time. This time it’s Dex. Well, maybe it always has been Dex. But. This time he wants to know. “I don’t understand what you said. Earlier. In the bathroom.”

Dex quirks a stupidly attractive eyebrow. Seriously. When did Nurse fall this hard he’s starting to think Dex’s annoyed facial expression are adorable. 

“Which part?”

“It’s a sweet sentiment. And I don’t want to take that away. But I can’t even make myself better. How can I make someone else better?”

And it comes out a little more honest than he wanted. But. It’s out there now. And he there’s this nagging feel at the back of his head. Like an undertow threatening to pull him under. And he knows he’s just vibrating with it. He hates when he gets like this. Anxiety just builds and builds and makes him second guess and spin absolutely everything until he’s convinced himself he never really existed. 

And that can’t happen. Because there is this space. A space the two have them has somehow fell into. And he needs know it’s more of a cement slab rather than a black hole. 

Dex sends him a concerned look, “You really want to do this now?”

And he deflates. A little. Because maybe he doesn’t want to do this. Maybe they can just hang here until it blows up in their faces. 

“You don’t have to.”

“Let me just,” And Dex just sort of stands there, looking unsure of everything and Nursey is a second away from telling him not to bother when Dex gets this determined look on his face and marches over to sit on his bed. Next to Nursey. And Nurse freezes. He can feel the tension rolling off of Dex in waves. “I don’t normally do this because I’m terrible at it.” Dex sort of derisively laughs and Nurse sort of just wants to run his hand up the soft flannel of his shirt. 

“You’re doing fine now.”

“It’s different. I don’t know. Okay. Fuck.” Dex laughs, it’s more of a rush of air between them. “If I stumble my way through this, will you finish reading the chapter?”

He nods. He’d fucking read any goddamn book Dex wanted to finally get a line on what Dex is thinking.

Dex takes a deep breath. Nurse finds himself doing the same. 

“Right. So. I can be an asshole. I can be shitty. To you. To others. And for awhile I didn’t really care. And then something happened and suddenly apologizing to you about how I behaved when I found out we were going to share this room felt like the most important thing I had to do.” 

Nurse snorts, because he has to. “It was a terrible apology.”

Amazingly, Dex doesn’t argue. He just laughs, once. “The worst. Yeah. Total garbage. But that’s like part of it? I guess. Because I’d have a way better apology now.”

Nurse eyes him, not because he doesn’t believe him, well, maybe he doesn’t, but also because he’s remembering how truly terrible that first apology was. Thinks he could absolutely go for a re-do. That would probably go a long in quelling some of his fears. He gestures widely.

“Well, let’s fucking hear it.” 

And Dex stops. Nurse watches him pause, narrowing his eyes like he’s trying to ascertain if Nurse really means it. 

“Alright. Fine.” Dex gives in, sighing. “I felt bad. I feel bad.” The redhead starts, “That I hurt you. And I don’t want you to feel bad because of me. And I hope I can do something to make it better. And that’s, that’s change.” Dex continues, “Because I wouldn’t have said that or done that. Before. But I can do better and you well, you know, you’re you. So. I guess I just want to keep showing you that.” 

Nurse, he, well he, he clutches the book in hands. His chest tightens. 

“But why? I’ve already forgiven you.”

Dex raises his shoulders, “It still feels important.”

And that, Nurse trips, he freezes. 

Suddenly he’s blasted back to this past summer. 

_He’s hearing Dex’s bullshit apology for the first time over the phone. Feeling the anger rise and bubble and curl up into his chest. He was fucking livid that Dex would try to pull some shit like that in the middle of the night. In the middle of the summer, no less. When he damn well knew they wouldn’t be seeing each other for at least another month. That’s why he did it. Like a fucking coward. Who does he think he is? Thinking that a blanket apology will fix everything between them?_

_And that’s what hurt the most. Nurse realized that he did want to fix whatever happened between them. And it felt like Dex was just taking a shit on all of that. Telling him to basically just get over it._

_He throws his phone onto his bed. It of course bounces right off the fucking mattress, catches a weird angle, and veres off right over his bedside table. Knocking into his lamp. Sending it to the ground. The vase and light bulb shattering upon impact._

_And he doesn’t care. He just doesn’t. And sniffs. Just like Dex._

_The tears are hot and they sting rolling down his face. His throat burns and he just wants to fucking scream. He’s drunk. Sure. So he’s already pretty sloppy. Wouldn’t trust himself to clean up fucking pieces of glass. And he just drops right on his bed. Shoes. Jeans. Whatever. Just collapses and gives into his sobs. Pulling himself tight into a ball and loses it. He remembers absently thinking he should start looking for apartments in Boston._

_He remembers clutching his pillow like an idiot, burying his face into it, and trying to figure out why Dex doesn’t care about him. How did he mess that one up so badly?_

He pulls out of it. A chill running down his spine. Dex is sending him a worrying look. Nurse wants to ask him if he felt it. Tectonic plates shifted. Boundary lines pushed closer together. And new earth is forming between them. Because. 

There is this space they created. This space between them right now. And moments that appear randomly, like this one, that makes Nurse think Dex does feel it, too. 

Because the redhead is just sitting there, obviously uncomfortable but still open. His face, Nurse realized, turned to him. Small smile. Barely there. Just waiting. And Nurse lingers on the cut above his lip. Present but healing. The excuse Nurse has for his gaze being drawn to Dex’s mouth the past week. He remembers tracing it, fingertips moving on their own accord. Like they couldn’t not touch. He feels a similar pull, now. 

But he knows he needs more than random moments. 

He sits up, instead. Inches closer. His voice much quieter than he intended, “You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

He watches Dex close his eyes. Watches him shake his head. “I do, though. I do.”

“Dex.”

“No, it’s chill.” Dex laughs. “Really. You don’t,” he shifts and stands, “you don’t have to like, be polite about it or whatever.” He puts distance between them, going back over to his laundry, “But that’s it. That’s what I meant. Continue with the book.”

“Okay. But,” Nurse feels robbed.

Dex cuts him off, desperate and pleading, “Can you please just read the fucking story like you fucking promised?”

Nurse catches the blush. The tone. The fidgety way Dex is moving. And relents. Smiling, “Can I just say one thing?”

Dex sighs in frustration but makes a ‘go on’ motion.

“That was a way better apology.”

And he does keep reading.

Dex finishes with his laundry. 

Nurse made a little blanket nest in his bed. He’s about to get up and move so Dex can have it when Dex stops him. With a ‘no, it’s fine. I’ll just chill in yours’ Dex climbs up to the top bunk and settles in. Nursey passes up his favorite floral duvet, aware Dex wouldn’t have any other blankets, and only receives the tiniest little snort in return. He keeps reading. And reading.

And Dex’s breathing is deep and even. Nurse considers Dex asleep in his bed. Considers the smell of his pillow and his duvet tomorrow. And maybe, if he’s lucky, a few days after that. He shimmies out of the blanket nest and stands, peering up to the top bunk. 

.

 

“Dex.”

“Mhm.”

“Are you sleeping?”

“Yeah.”

Nurse snorts. “No, you’re not.” He pokes him in the arm. 

Dex groans. “Go away.” He turns to face the wall. 

“Fuck you.” Nurse laughs quietly, “Can we get breakfast?”

“No breakfast on the weekends, stupid.” Dex mumbles into Nurse’s pillow. 

“Yeah. I know, stupid. I meant can we go out? For breakfast?’

“Fine. But you gotta,” Dex turns and yawns into his arm, checks the time on his phone, “you gotta wait like a couple of hours for the non-sketchy breakfast places to open.”

Dex shifts again, rolling back and away from Nurse. Nurse tries not to find grumpy and grumbly Dex so amusing. 

“Yeah, but can we go together?”

“Sure.” The redhead huffs. 

“Red Cottage?”

“M’kay.” 

“You’re just gonna agree with everything I say so I stop talking?”

“Yup.”

“Gonna order those peanut butter chocolate chip pancakes you always want but never get?”

Dex pulls Nurse’s duvet up over his head. “Wake me when it’s actually six.”

“Gonna let me pay?”

“”M sleeping. Can’t hear you.”

“Gonna let me hold your hand while we walk there?”

And. 

Nurse smiles wide. 

Silence.

“You blushing to your goofy ears right now, Pointdexter? 

A pillow, skillfully aimed, hits him in the face. “Go the fuck to sleep, Nurse.”

“I’m not hearing a no.”

“I take it back. No breakfast.”

A few hours later, on the walk to breakfast, because of course they end up going, they don’t even make it out of the Haus before Nursey starts pulling at Dex’s elbow.


	11. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV
> 
> “He absently wonders if Tango taught Nursey the aggressive arm hold thing.”

He’s half-asleep. And he’s pretty sure he didn’t tie at least one of his sneakers. He did manage to brush his teeth before Nursey straight up pushed him out of the bathroom and out of the Haus. 

He’s not a morning person. And he’s working on about three hours of sleep. Which means he’s probably extra grumpy. And you know, for someone that basically never sleeps, Nurse sure has a fuckton of energy at 6:03 in the goddamn morning. It’s exhausting. 

And Nursey’s favorite breakfast is of course on the complete opposite side of campus and they walk basically right through the heart of Samwell to get there. 

Which is fine. Totally fine. 

It’s really only faculty and high strung grad students out this early. Anyway. Maybe a few early lab classes. Or morning study groups. Or other sports teams walking briskly towards the halls for pre-practice breakfast. That’s it. 

Not that that matters. Of course. But. 

He absently wonders if Tango taught Nursey the aggressive arm hold thing.

Because Nursey’s hand is tucked right into the crook of his elbow. And as they walk, Nurse seems to be oscillating between grabbing his elbow, using his other hand to push his shoulder or forearm for emphasis in whatever story he’s telling, and basically just moving Dex’s extremities in whatever way he pleases. And of course. Dex just lets him. 

It’s a beautiful fall day and Dex decided to go without a sweatshirt, actually a good choice because there’s a blast of some lingering humidity in the morning air so he’s happy he went with just a t-shirt. But. That means that he’s dealing with a lot of skin to skin contact right now and he would really like to fucking know when he turned into an Austenian character because apparently that’s making him lose his shit. Also, fuck Nursey because apparently he’s using ‘Austenian’ in a sentence now. So. 

And like? It’s somehow much worse than just straight up holding hands?

Because at least then there’s a little bit of distance. At least then Dex would really only have to worry about his own hand and trying to make sure Nurse doesn’t bring them both to the ground when he inevitably trips. 

But this? Terrible. 0/10 would recommend. Nurse is pressed up right up on him, crushed into his side. And it’s not like he’s functioning on all cylinders as it is, but this. Fuck. He can’t think clearly with Nurse this close. Willingly this close.

He truly thought Nurse was fucking with him last night. 

He did not expect the dumbass to be handsy as hell with him walking through the heart of campus, for all to see. 

It’s not like he’s fucking complaining. 

For the amount of times Dex had to stand by while someone openly hit on Nursey right next to him, he’d walked through the student union at high tide just like this if he could. It’s not a problem for him. 

But he’s concerned Nursey hasn’t thought this through. Acting on impulse. And it’s fine. Nurse can act however he wants to act and that’s none of Dex’s fucking business. But this. Nurse can sometimes overlook the fact that people love to talk about him. That this will get around. That he’ll probably face questions about it. And Dex doesn’t think he’ll handle it well if Nurse just sort of pulls that adorably confused face and says some shit about friends and walking to breakfast. 

But Dex doesn’t have right to that. He doesn’t. 

Because they’re not together. 

They’re not. And it’s an ugly feeling that pools in his chest. Because he’s done for. There’s no point in denying that’s how he feels. And Nurse doesn’t have to tell him. Now or ever. But it just fucking sucks that most expressive person that he knows has never once, never fucking once, talked about his own personal feelings with him. 

So he really shouldn’t indulge this. Because they’re just starting to actually co-exist and he doesn’t want to fuck that up. Again. But it’s hard as hell to deny Derek Nurse. Especially when he’s like this. Open. Warm. Bright. Pulling at his elbow. Tucked up close. Telling Dex ridiculous on-the-spot stories regarding whatever they pass. 

He’s half-asleep. Knowing he’ll pay for it later tonight when he sits down and tries to work on his homework. And his back sort of twinges from trying to sleep on Nursey’s super soft mattress. He’ll be grumpy as hell and he’s pretty sure he forgot his phone. 

But right now. Nursey tugs him across the street. Right now there’s no place else he’d rather be.


	12. Nursey POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nurse POV 
> 
> “Making it up to the top bunk seems like an insurmountable hassle. So he doesn’t.”

In the sanctity that is Wilson Library in the wee hours of the morning, Derek lets himself quietly, elegantly, and overwhelmingly panic. 

He stares at his books. Feels his eyes glaze over, unfocus. He’s past tired. Past exhausted. His headache thrums in agreement. 

His body is tight and cold and numb where it’s been holding itself in one position way too long. 

At least he finished. 

Paper turned in. Submitted. Sent into the void. 

The usual rush of relief that normally accompanies handing in a big paper doesn’t find him. And he fucking nailed this one too. But, he drops his head. He’s pretty sure he’s incapable of feeling anything at this point. Except the chill of the basement floor in the library and the painful twist his lower back gives him when he tries to stretch. 

Which brings out the panic. 

Because he recognizes this. He’s about to crash. 

And while Wilson Library wouldn’t be the worst place to crash, it’s not his first choice. And too many security patrols who just happen to walk by his study table routinely have already asked to ‘check his student ID’ that he’s itchy and irritated. 

It’s only by routine and long programmed autopilot that Nursey packs up his stuff and puts one foot in front of the other. The walk back to the Haus is otherworldly. Campus unbearably quiet, zombie traffic outside, and it’s fucking cold, too. Not wintery cold. But cold enough to blow through his t-shirt and bite at his skin. And shit, didn’t he have his hoodie earlier? It doesn’t matter. Not now. The only thing that matters is getting back to the Haus. Back to something warmer, hopefully.

It’s a detached kind of panic that pulls him low. Like he can recognize what’s happening but can’t really care enough to stop it. He’ll crash, sure. And that’s going to wipe him out. But god willing he might actually sleep. He laughs. It’s a dry and empty sound.

He’s quiet slipping into the Haus. Quiet dropping his stuff. Quieter creeping up the steps and blessedly makes it to his room without incident. 

Still on autopilot he toes off his shoes. Drops his jeans. Yawns and scrubs at his face. Fuck. Making it up to the top bunk seems like an insurmountable hassle. So he doesn’t. 

He stands there. In the dark. 

And considers three facts. 

One, there is a line, he’s not sure where it falls anymore but there is a line and he will respect it. Two, Dex sleeps on the right side of his bed, distanced away from the wall. And three, he can absolutely curl up and fit himself into that vacated space. 

He climbs into Dex’s bed. 

He sinks into the pillow, grabbing at a blanket, _it’s so fucking warm_ , when the body next to him stirs and huffs and pulls out of unconsciousness. 

“Huh? What?” It’s mumbled in a sleep-tired voice. 

“Hey.” He whispers back, finally wrestling the blanket free. 

“Derek?” 

He freezes, momentarily, at his name. Dex grumbles it out while shifting, his arm connects with Nursey’s, knee knocking against Nursey’s leg, and pulls back. Dex groans like he’s annoyed. 

“Yeah. Is this, is this okay?”

In the darkness, Nurse can see the exact moment Dex fully wakes up. Watches the confusion of navigating around something in his bed turn into hesitant realization. Then Dex’s eyes snap open.

“Are you, fuck,” Dex breathes out, scrambling back, voice deep and hoarse. “Are you drunk?” 

Nursey sighs. But it’s a fair question. 

“No.”

“Are you okay?” Dex tries to push himself up and away, shoulders and arms colliding with Nursey’s. “Jesus you’re fucking freezing, man. What happened?”

And they could discuss this, sure. But he’s about to crash. And Dex is so deliciously warm next to him that he really only has one goal in mind. 

“Nothing. Can I sleep here or not?” 

“In my bed?” Dex mumbles out, voice filled with confusion. 

“Uh, yeah.”

“Right, okay.” Nursey listens to Dex take a deep breath in the dark. Watches him shake his head and take another. “Yeah, that’s fine.” And Nurse doesn’t have enough time to celebrate that before Dex is twisting away from him and sighing, “Just let me, um, grab my phone and I’ll move to the top bunk or the couch.”

“No, fuck no.” Nurse groans, Dex isn’t getting this, “I’m not kicking you out of your own bed.”

“I’m confused.” Dex yawns and scrubs a hand down his face, “Didn’t you just say you wanted to sleep here?”

“Yeah, stupid. With you.” And he freezes. Because. He feels Dex freeze beside him. And that’s not. Fuck. “Next, next to you. Sleep next to you. Like on the bus.”

He’s exhausted and burnt out and Dex is right here. And it’s better. When Dex is right here. So he shouldn't leave. He should stay. And lie back down. 

“You are drunk.” Dex decides. Shifting further away. 

“I’ve been at the fucking library.” He tries to put some heat behind it, but he can’t. He’s too tired. And this isn’t going the way he thought. 

“Your face, Nurse. Is it another migraine?” The concern in Dex’s sleep-tired voice throws him. 

“I don’t know.” Nurse shakes his head, “But that’s not, look, can’t we just sleep?”

“No. I can’t.” Dex turns, his voice soft, “I’d be taking advantage.”

“No, fuck.” Nurse groans because it’s not that and Dex needs to understand but Nurse can’t put the words together, “I’m not trying anything, I just,” and he’s so tired, he shouldn’t have even tried, “you know what, never mind this was stupid and I shouldn’t-” 

“Nurse.” 

“What.”

“Tell me.” Dex’s voice is low. It kind of hurts. 

“Like on the bus!” Nursey explodes, gesturing frantically in the small space, he feels his resolve slipping, “You know how I sleep on the bus! I’m out like a fucking light. The whole bus ride, man, I’m down for the count. I just want to sleep like that tonight, okay? Best sleep I get.”

It’s quiet. Dex is quiet for a moment. Then his voice is quiet, almost a whispers, “Next to me?”

Nurse breathes out, “I was surprised too.”

“Nurse, I can’t.” Dex admits, like he’s guilty of something. And Nurse tries not to let it feel like a rejection, but it certainly stings. “I mean,” Dex continues, “I want you to but I can’t. I don’t want to cross a line or take advantage or-”

And yeah, he’s had enough, “Nobody’s trying to get in to your pants, Pointdexter!”

Because he feels like that’s what Dex wants to hear. Will make him stop with that bullshit line. But it’s the wrong thing to say because Dex’s face drops. And he stills before pulling further away, crawling out the bed. 

“Look, I’m sorry.” Dex says, standing up. “Sleep here. If you want. Alright?” He scoops something off the desk chair, “I was going to get up early and make breakfast with Bitty anyway. Here.” He turns and drops it next to Nursey. Nurse reaches out, hands grasping soft, sturdy fabric. It’s a sweatshirt. He looks up at Dex. 

“You seem cold.” The redhead just shrugs and shuffles around in the dark to pull on some sweats. Nurse watches Dex leave and considers. 

At least he knows where the line is now.


	13. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV 
> 
> “Nurse looks rumpled and sleep-warm and foggy. And he’s wearing Dex’s sweatshirt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hand to god I wrote this before the last update. Just couldn’t get my shit together to post it! But anyway.

“How many are we expecting, Bits?” Dex calls out, eyes focused on the cutting board in front of him, knife expertly slicing up some tomatoes. It’s loud. Not just in the kitchen. The whole Haus is buzzing. The hype of Team Dinner never disappoints. 

“Oh, I don’t know, let’s see,” Bitty turns towards Dex, hands on his hips, flour and god only knows what else covering his apron, “well it’s the whole lot of you,” he gestures with a wooden spoon, “a few of the captains, and any plus ones, of course.”

So. Too many. Dex sighs. They’re expecting too many people. They’ll have to break out the paper plates. He’ll need to slice more tomatoes. And some cucumbers too. Because Nurse, the heathen, hates tomatoes. 

“Who else is bringing a plus one?” Chowder asks from his seat at the counter, trying to sneak a carrot. Bitty slaps his hand away. 

“I’m not quite sure, sugar.” Bitty turns back to his baked good masterpieces, “Probably Ford, right? I don’t know about the waffles, though. Oh, and I think Whiskey might bring his date.”

Dex puts down his knife. “Whiskey’s bringing a date?” _Shit._

“Yes and he’s lovely, so,” Bitty cuts a warning look to the the SMH contingent crowded in the kitchen, “I won’t hear any of this nonsense about lax bros while we have a civilized dinner, do you understand?”

There’s a beat of silence. 

“Oh my god.” Chowder starts, hand over his heart, looking scandalized, “Connor’s dating a lax bro?”

And that just sets off the chaos. Dex rolls his eyes. It’s all well meaning, for the most part. Bitty threatens to put people on rations if they make Whiskey’s date feel uncomfortable. And it’s just all kinds of fun when Whiskey does arrive, with his date. And shit, Dex takes one look at the lax bro, and yeah, he is sort of attractive. Or whatever. 

Maybe he’s rude. Or dumber than a box of rocks. Or completely uninteresting. Maybe Tango won’t, and, 

“Fuck.” Dex steps away from the counter. 

Bitty shoots him a worrying look. “Dex?” 

He pulls at his apron, “I have to,” he wipes his hands, “I have to do something. Right now.” He looks towards Bitty, “Can you and Bully finish without me?”

“Oh well, sure. But Dex, honey. Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, yes. Everything’s fine. I just need to, go.” And he’s already stepping out of the kitchen, feeling like an asshole for leaving Bully with all of the salad prep, but, Tango’s last text read that he was walking to the Haus from the arts building. And Dex doesn’t know how much time that gives him. 

“Okay. But be back by dinner!” Bitty calls after him. 

Dex steps into the hallway and pulls out his phone. He’s got half of a message typed out, marching to the living room, when he very nearly collides with Nurse walking down the steps. 

“Whoa, Dex. Where’s the fire?”

And Dex stops. Stumbles back a step. 

Nurse looks rumpled and sleep-warm and foggy. 

And he’s wearing Dex’s sweatshirt. 

Unwillingly, he feels his face heat. 

Nurse just looks at him, expecting an answer or maybe an apology for almost sending him on his ass, but Dex isn’t thinking about anything else besides how much clearer Nurse’s eyes look. How his face looks more like his face, his voice sounds more like his voice, his body posture looks more natural and Nurse just looks more like, well, _Nursey._ Not that zombie Nurse that Dex experienced last night. This one is much better. More alive. Maybe sleeping for 12 hours does that to a person. He feels himself smiling. 

“Hey.”

Nurse does this thing with his face. It looks like he’s remembering something. His smile catches between his teeth. 

“Hi.”

Dex can’t handle all of this smiling. He coughs, looks at the floor, remembers what he’s supposed to be doing. Transfixed staring at Nurse is probably not it. And also probably creepy. 

“I was just,” he jerks a thumb over his shoulder, “I’m on my way out. But I’ll see you at Team Dinner later?”

“Sure. But.” Nurse steps off the last step, “Where are you running off to? Last minute supply run?”

“No.” He laughs, “nothing like that. Bitty is over prepared.” Dex checks his phone, he hasn’t gotten a response. “I just need to catch Tango before he gets here.”

“And what’s going on with our little ray of sunshine today?” Nurse sounds genuinely curious. And in that moment, Dex considers telling Nurse everything. Because sure as shit Nurse would handle this whole situation better than he ever could. Maybe he’ll just state the facts. 

He sighs, “Whiskey brought a date.”

“Oh.” Nurse nods. Dex watches his face dawn with understanding, “ _Oh._ I see.” 

“Yeah, I need to find him before he walks in here and gets ambushed. His phone’s probably dead, too. So.” He’s about to turn and head for the back door when Nursey says, 

“I’ll come with you.”

 

He stops. Because. “What?” 

Nurse does this dismal little half-smirk, “Dex, I have so much experience in this department it’s kind of sad.”

“In what department?” Dex all but spits out, because his stupid brain immediately goes to, _Nurse is into Whiskey too?_

“Falling for straight boys.” Nurse replies stiffly, walking past him towards the door. “Now,” Nurse claps his hands, “let’s go rip this band-aid off.”

“Alright.” Dex tries to let that sink in. “Thank you? For doing this. I had no idea what I would say to him.”

“No problem. Do I have time to put on real pants?”

“He’s probably going to be here any second.”

“Fine, sweats it is. Maybe it will help give off a more comforting vibe.”

“Hey, Nurse?”

“Yeah?”

“One more thing? Whiskey brought a lax bro.”

“Oh fuck. Okay, new plan. You catch him on the porch. I’ll go grab the wine.”


	14. Nursey POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nursey POV
> 
> “Let’s go get some doughnuts, huh?” Dex peels Tango off his side so he can look at him, “Bogarts is just down the street.”
> 
> Nurse almost laughs. Like William ‘are you really going to eat that?’ Pointdexter has ever willingly ate a doughnut.”

Watching Dex with Tango is: Illuminating. Heart-stuttering. And probably bad for his health. 

It’s certainly not what he expected. 

Dex, grumpy, hotheaded, tough as nails, Dex; is nothing but a pile of goo in Tango’s hands. And Nursey can’t stop watching. 

It’s in the way Dex talks to him, calm and understanding. The way that Dex listens to Tango’s rambling circles, patient and attentive. The way that after Nurse delivers the news, Tango just sort of slumps forward, and Dex, without hesitation or second thought, pulls him into a tight hug. 

It’s illuminating because it makes him feel like an idiot. Worse than an idiot. It occurs to him that maybe he hasn’t given Dex enough credit. He didn’t think him capable of, well, this. 

There are soft moments he keeps like a secret somewhere in his chest. Stolen moments. When alternate universe Dex somehow managed to briefly grace this plane of reality. When they’re on different planets, when the gravity is different, and Nurse uses words like tender and pretty and safe and warmth to describe that Dex. It’s easier to rationalize. Because somehow it’s a little harder to swallow when it becomes clear there’s no difference. No separate versions of Dex. Nurse isn’t the only one privileged to these soft moments. He’s the exception. Or maybe it’s not even about him. He’s such an idiot. 

He looks back at the pair and guilt rises up like bile in his throat. He’s horrified to admit that when the whole Dex/Tango roadie roommate thing started, he honestly thought it wouldn’t last the night without Tango crying and Dex demanding a new assignment. But it didn’t. And this happened instead. 

“Let’s go get some doughnuts, huh?” Dex peels Tango off his side so he can look at him, “Bogarts is just down the street.”

Nurse almost laughs. Like William ‘are you really going to eat that?’ Pointdexter has ever willingly ate a doughnut. 

“I’m fine. It’s fine.” Tango shakes a little, grasping his hands together, “And we can’t miss Team Dinner, right? We can’t. You guys can’t. And it’s fine.”

Nurse feels his heartstrings tug for their teammate. It’s such a shitty place to be in. And one he knows well. You’ve caught feelings for someone and it doesn’t matter. They’re not interested or they’re with someone else. And you’re just left feeling foolish and insecure. 

“Hey,” he leans towards Tango, he shakes himself out of his reverie and focuses on his teammate, “no one’s going to blame you if you don’t want to do this right now. We can tell them something came up and you had to bounce. They don’t have to know.”

Because if it was him, and he had to sit down and share a meal with the person he was crushing on and their date - he’d dig up every excuse he had to get the hell out of there. 

“Like they don’t already know?” Tango looks directly at him, completely open it catches Nurse off guard, “I mean, I’m sorry. That was mean?” Tango sniffs and shifts away from Dex, “But also true, right? ‘Cause like, you knew. I’m sure Will didn’t say,” 

“I didn’t.” Dex practically rumbles out. Tango smiles warmly up at Dex. Nurse watches the underclassman place a hand on Dex’s shoulder. Doesn’t miss the way Dex relaxes. 

“Oh no. No. Of course you didn't. I know that.” Tango leans back into Dex’s side. The arm the wraps around Tango is strong and protective. Nurse almost feels like he should leave. “I just mean I’m sure it’s obvious? So there’s no use in like, hiding from it. Right? And like, it’s just a crush. I’ll get over it. It’s nothing to get this upset over.”

“You can be as upset as you want.” Dex supplies and Nurse is honestly a little surprised by that response. He thought Dex would be more of the ‘there’s always more fish in the sea’ advice giver. This is, again, illuminating. 

Also heart-stuttering. Watching Dex be so gentle with Tango. And so _good_. It shouldn’t surprise him but it does. And it makes him feel guilty. 

“Thanks.” Tango breathes out. “Now, let’s go face the music or whatever.” Tango motions towards the door. 

Nurse jumps in, he looks pleading towards Dex, then back at Tango. “But we didn’t even drink any of this wine yet?” He gestures towards the box of whatever he pulled from the fridge and the Avengers plastic cups he swiped off the counter. “And we haven’t strategized how we’re going to sabotage the dinner party until Tango and Whiskey are locked in the hall closet together? I mean, we are skipping key elements of the plot here.” 

That gets both of them laughing. Nurse swells with delight. 

“Bro,” He looks towards Tango, because again, if it was him, and it has been him in this exact situation, he knows what he’d want to do, “I’d settle for just a glass of wine and you telling us all the ways Whiskey is like totally dreamy.”

Dex snorts. Tango just sort of stares back at him disbelievingly. Nurse attempts a smile. He hears Dex snort again. 

“I mean,” Tango starts, “yeah. I could.” He gives Nurse a small smile, “Yes. That’d be, it would be like so nice.”

“I’ll start pouring!” Nurse scoots around them towards the patio table he dropped the supplies on, plops himself into one of the patio chairs. 

“I should probably,” Dex nods towards the Haus, “make sure Bully hasn’t fucked up the appetizers too badly. If that’s cool?”

“Of course. Dex. Go. I’m fine.” Tango gives Dex one last quick hug before sliding into the patio chair next to Nurse. Nurse feels a sense of accomplishment. It’s dimmed slightly but the weary look Dex is throwing him from the door, which is like totally unfair. 

“We’re just gonna gossip about cute boys. Leave us, Pointdexter.” He waves him off. Tango giggles into his cup. 

Dex huffs and it sounds mildly irritated but he lets it go. He catches Dex’s gaze one last time, watches the way Dex soundlessly mouths a quick ‘thank you’ and heads back into the Haus, shutting the door behind him. It’s probably the wine, even though he hasn’t actually consumed it yet, but he feels all warm and floaty. 

“So.” Tango sets down his drink and crosses his arms. Nurse doesn’t like the lightning fast smirk that plays across Tango’s face, “speaking of cute boys.” 

He looks over and Tango’s eyes are all glowing with perceptive knowledge. And he’s smiling warmly. And wow, okay. 

“You’re just gonna call me out like that, huh?” He mumbles into his Avengers cup. 

Tango blindingly beams back at him. Laughter bubbling up out of him. And yeah, Nurse thinks of the moniker, ray of sunshine stuck for a reason. 

“I mean, well,” Tango shrugs but hits Nurse with this look that makes him feel like Tango can see right into the very depths of his soul, “you are wearing his sweatshirt.” 

And. 

_Oh fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh sweet sweet Tango.


	15. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV
> 
> “Alright sweetheart, what’s got you all riled up?”
> 
> It works. Nurse pauses for a second before the scowl is firmly back in place.

They’re at practice the next day and one second he’s breaking to cover a long pass, and the next he’s flat on his ass. With the full weight of Derek Nurse crushing down on top of him. 

It takes him a second, but. 

Nurse just took him out. 

Correction. Dex pulls in a deep gulp of air after the having his breath knocked out of him by the force of it. 

Nurse just _laid him the fuck out._

And honestly? It’s not incredibly surprising. 

Nursey likes to act like he’s the cool, calm, and collected one on the ice. Content to let Dex skate around like a maniac and fight it out with everyone while he strategically shifts and waits for the perfect opportunity to break up a play and send it back down ice. 

But Dex knows better. Knows Nursey is plenty capable of flexing the full capacity of his strength. He doesn’t do it often. But when he does. Well. Dex doesn’t like the be on the receiving end of it. 

They used to clash like this all the time at practice. Baiting and goading and generally tormenting the other until one of them snaps. So, it’s not even a little bit surprising for Nursey to check him like this. It hasn’t happened in awhile though. But he breathes out once, twice, and the feeling of getting his clocked cleaned is all too familiar. Give that guy some momentum and he probably could have thrown Dex right over the boards. 

But what is surprising? Dex hadn’t done anything particularly asshole-ish to warrant a fucking body slam to the unforgiving ice. Actually, he reflects while blinking the twinkling lights of Faber’s ceiling away, he’s been on his best fucking behavior. 

And then he gets _mad._

Nursey relents but gives him one last shove into the ice before pulling himself off. Dex is right behind him, albeit a little more wobbly than he would like. But he still has enough in the tank to quick step out and cut right in front of Nursey, spinning him around. 

“The fuck was that?” He snaps, shoving Nursey in the chest. 

And Nurse. The idiot. Just looks past him unfazed and shrugs. 

And that shit’s not going to fly. 

“Hey.” He grabs at the front of Nurse’s jersey, skating close, dropping his voice low, he can feel his anger unfurl and simmer right under his skin. “I asked you a fucking question.”

And Nurse just laughs. Once. Low and empty. Nurse tries to swat his hand away, rolling his eyes. 

“Getting real tired of your shit, Pointdexter.” Nurse mumbles out like Dex is the one pulling this crap and it just absolutely floors him. He doesn’t know what he did. Doesn’t know why Nursey is treating him this way. And he fucking hates it. 

“What the fuck are you on about?” He snaps back.

He feels unsteady with it, like he’s right on the verge of snapping, and he tries to make himself breathe. He’s not sure what’s happening but he knows what he’s not going to do. 

It’s with a little bit of a shove but he releases Nurse’s jersey. Skates back.

There’s a pause. And suddenly Nurse is back in face. 

“That’s it? Huh? That’s fucking it?” Nurse shoves at his shoulders again, voice cutting into a tone he doesn’t recognize. Dex is about to fucking lose it on him when he locks eyes with him. “What’s it going to fucking take?” Nurse all but growls out, shoves him again. But Dex isn’t really listening. 

Nurse’s eyes are empty. His face. Empty. His body tight and he holds himself like he’s bracing for Dex to tackle him to the ice.

He feels the fight drain right out of him. 

He should have noticed. 

He looks around, apparently his teammates thought that right now was the perfect time for a water break. They’re all gathered at the far bench, giving them a wide berth. Dex does catch Coach and Bitty staring back at him, probably waiting to see if they’ll have to intervene. Dex almost smirks. _Just like old times._ He shakes his head. Not again. 

Nurse pushes him into the boards and Dex lets him. “Don’t fucking ignore me, Pointdexter.” Nursey crowds over him, voice dangerous, and Dex would be lying if he said this wasn’t a little intimidating. But he just stands there. Not giving in. Watching Nursey’s face contort with something nasty.

“Are you even fucking listening to me? Huh?” Nurse keeps jabbing at him and honestly it’s not funny. It’s not. It’s totally fucking scary to see Nurse like this but Dex is just pulled into light laughter. He places his hands up, hoping to show he’s not being a dick. But. He knows somewhere deep in his bones that this is the right response. The words are pulled from him. Pitches his voice with something softer. 

“Alright sweetheart, what’s got you all riled up?”

It works. Nurse pauses for a second before the scowl is firmly back in place. 

“Don’t be a fucking asshole.” He bites out, face a mask of something that’s very un-Nursey. 

“What’s up, hot stuff? That big head of yours putting up a fight?” Dex asks, knowing his face is probably redder than a fucking tomato and trying his best to stem the flood of embarrassment. But it’s worth it. Nursey’s shoulder drop incrementally. 

Nurse actually takes a step back. Turns his head away from him. 

“Stop.”

“Something else then?” Dex presses, because while he has no fucking clue what this and he needs to know before he loses Nurse, “Not enough sleep, princess?”

And Nursey’s gaze snaps back up to him. Full force of the scowl back. 

“If you fucking patronize me I swear to fuck, Pointdexter, I will-”

“I know.” Dex tries to put even more distance between them, “I know, big guy. But that’s it?”

And that seems to do it. Nursey just stops and looks at him. “Like you fucking care.” He mutters out darkly. 

And. 

Okay. 

_Oh._

Well at least now he knows what’s going on. Fuck him if he knows how to handle it though. 

“Hey Nurse?” 

“Fucking what Dex?” Nursey snaps back. And he almost laughs. Because he has this overwhelming urge to pull Nursey close and he’s pretty sure that would send him straight back to the ice right now. 

“You know you’re totally acting like me right now, right?” He tries because, you know, it’s not a lie. And you know, that perspective bullshit. 

“Fuck off.” Nurse just waves him off, turning his head away. 

“Right. Okay.” Dex breathes out and smiles, “You wanna finish practice then you can yell at me some more?” 

And Nurse stares him down. 

“Whatever.” He grumbles, before skating off. 

“Fucking great.” Dex calls back brightly, “Looking forward to it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord help them get their shit together.


	16. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV
> 
> Nursey skates right in front of him. “Pick me up at 8?”
> 
> “I’m not fucking picking you up.” He calls back, “We live together, stupid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry friends, I done fucked up the POV rotation. There’s a longer Nursey one coming up though!

“So what’s it going to take to get you to ask me out?”

Dex chokes on his water. 

“Fuck.” He coughs, sputtering. Tries his best to get his breathing back under control to turn and glare at Nursey. “What?”

“You heard me.” 

Nursey just looks back at him. And shrugs. Like he doesn’t really care about the answer either way. Which totally pisses off Dex. 

He scoffs. Turns to drop his water bottle back into the holder. Shifts his white knuckled grip on his stick. Not cool. Nursey just doesn’t know where the fucking line is sometimes. He breathes, hating how rattled he feels. Maybe it’s just the adrenaline. 

“Hey, asshole.” An elbow connects with his upper arm. “I asked you a question.”

It takes Dex a second to realize that this is the continuation of the _‘yell at me later’_ promise after yesterday’s practice. Since. You know. Nursey has effectively iced him out since then. So the direct question comes as a little bit of a shock. Also a _huge fucking relief._

Dex cuts Nursey a look. 

There’s no space on the bench. No room to flee and no chance to run. No getting away from sitting less than an inch away from Nurse until their line is called again. And they just got off the ice. Fuck, Dex sighs, Nursey fucking planned this. 

Of course Derek Nurse would ask him this question now. In the middle of a fucking game. 

He considers just not answering. But even through the gear and pads those elbows hurt. 

And. Well. 

It’s sort of good question. 

Maybe. 

Probably not. Sort of impossible.

So he then considers lying. Downplaying. Joking it off. But he can’t. Won’t. He’s too far wrapped up into this that attempting to untangle himself now is impossible. Not that he wants to be untangled. And Nursey is just fucking sitting there, like he’s got all the time in the world. He drops his voice, surrendering.

“I don’t want to do anything to mess this up.”

He doesn’t look over. Doesn’t move. Eyes locked on the action playing out in front of him. 

Nurse makes a considering noise. And Dex isn’t looking but he fucking knows he’s smirking.

“See,” Nurse laughs, just once, low and conspiratorial, “I was just thinking we needed a good mess to get into.”

“Nurse.” Dex shuts his eyes. 

This is too close. 

“No,” another elbow to his upper arm but Nurse’s voice is softer, “don’t do that, please. Come on.” Dex is counting back from ten but Nurse just leans closer to him, “Just take me out, Pointdexter. Show me a good time or whatever.” He senses Nurse shrugging again, his voice so fucking casual it sets Dex’s teeth on edge, “God knows we spend all of our time together anyway.” 

And it’s true, sure. But that’s not, that can’t be what Nurse actually wants. He doesn’t know what he’s asking for, not thinking of the consequences, just doing something brash and flashy without a second thought in the typical Nurse fashion. It’s not. It’s not something. Because that’s impossible. 

He leans back.

“You want to,” and Dex hates himself but he needs to hear it, “go on a date with me?”

“No.” 

It’s automatic. 

And hurts like hell but you know, what did he really expect. Anger flares up his chest.

“Fuck off, Nurse.” 

He leans forward, tries to get him out of his peripherals. Of course it doesn’t work.

Nurse is grabbing his shoulder. Turning him so they’re face to face. Grips the front of his jersey and Dex is frozen. 

“No, I don’t want to go on a date with you, stupid.” Nursey’s voice is low but steady. Eyes intense but clear. “I want to date you, alright?” And Dex’s world tilts, shifts, and stops spinning altogether. The only thing holding him in space is Nursey’s grip on his jersey. “Although admittedly, I don’t know how that would like really change things? But I want to go through whatever social ritual I have to in order to sign your magical waiver of consent that says William Pointdexter will finally put his hands on me.”

Dex is helpless to do anything but stare back. Because Nurse, Nurse has him close, and his hand keeps flexing in shirt and his face keeps looking like he actually fucking meant that and there could be a game, they could be in an arena, they could be called up any second; but not right now. Right now, right now seconds can stretch. Right now, the impossible can happen. 

If he was capable of higher level thinking, he’d be embarrassed when he recognizes that raggedly breathing sound was coming from him. 

He breaks. Shatters. Smiles.

“Oh, is that what you want?”

He gets to watch Nurse’s eyes light up. Rewarded with a cautious smile. And it feels like flying.

“Yes and do not even think about lying,” Nurse snaps, shaking a gloved hand at him, “I know you want the same thing.” 

“Do you now?” He snorts. What he wants to say is, _Of fucking course I do, stupid._

Nurse hits him with an unimpressed look. “At first, I thought it was like your caregiver tendencies in overdrive? But that’s not it.” Nurse shakes his head and scoot closer, as if they already weren’t basically sitting on top of each other, “And then I thought you weren’t actually into me but,” there’s a ridiculous smirk, a whole encompassing gesture, “hello, of course that’s not true. I’m a goddamn gem.”

It’s a terrible line. And Dex laughs anyway. “Someone’s confident.”

“Whatever.” Nurse brushes it off, “And then I realized you’re whole ‘I don’t want to take advantage’ thing was not about me being a vulnerable mess but about you thinking you would not be able to restrain yourself.”

And that. Yeah. He laughs, dryly. Turns way. “You’re skipping over the most important part.” 

“Which is?” 

He looks out over the ice, if Nurse can put it all out there, he should probably be honest too. He slants his body so he’s still facing Nurse, actually looks at his ridiculously talented and intelligent and nerdy as hell roommate in the eyes, and tells himself time’s suspended. 

“The part when I realized Derek Nurse was so far out of my league I never stood a chance.”

He watches Nurse’s face. Watches it struggle with something. Watches it break, just for a second. And Dex is about to fling himself over the boards and take a too many men on the ice call when Nurse just sort of softly smiles. Bites it back. And. _Fuck._

“I’m liking your chances right now.” 

He feels his stomach clench, twist. He’s probably smiling, too. Whatever. 

“Yeah?”

“You’ll never know if you don’t ask.” The fucking shrug is back, and Dex has never been good at reading these things but he’s pretty sure Nurse’s eyes don’t normally look like that. 

He laughs. Wildly. For a second. Rushing with something that feels a lot like opening the Haus windows on a crisp, winter morning. This is happening. During a fucking game, while they’re sitting on the bench waiting to go back into the fucking game, this is happening. Now. Because of course it is. This is Nursey, after all. And Dex thinks, knows, he would ask him out in any venue, under any situation, if Nurse wanted. He breathes. 

“Alright.” He attempts a smile, coughs. “Can I take you out?”

He’s two seconds away from internally combusting and Nurse has the audacity to look at him totally and completely, unimpressed. 

“Really.” Nursey deadpans, arching an eyebrow. “That’s it? That’s the lamest ask out of all time.”

And Dex collapses forward, arms braced on the boards, shaking his head. He’s probably groaning.

“I actually can’t stand you.”

He hears Nurse laughing. Loud and bright. 

“Bold of you to say after literally just asking me out.”

He hears the rest of the bench moving around, preparing. And thank god. Dex needs to get back on the ice and hit someone. Hard

“Tomorrow night.” He grumbles, checking his helmet, looking over. “Agree before I change my mind.”

Nurse smirks. “I’ll have to check my plans.” 

They stand. It takes no small amount of effort not to push Nurse right over the boards. 

“Fine. Take yourself out.”

Their line gets called. Dex wastes no time taking the ice, Nurse next to him. 

Nursey skates right in front of him. “Pick me up at 8?”

“I’m not fucking picking you up.” He calls back, “We live together, stupid.”

They break for their defensive positions. Easily turning and finding their rhythm.

“Fine. I’ll be ready by 8.” Nurse shouts back at him. Dex rolls his eyes. Back-skating over to Nurse’s left, covering a long pass.

“Which means 8:30. Yeah, yeah. I know the drill.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the next few ready, just need to edit for finishing touches and I’ll post them within the next few days.


	17. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV
> 
> “He glances over and Nurse is looking a little wide-eyed. A little motionless. It occurs to him his plan might have backfired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Again! Dex just really wanted this chapter too. My pacing is a little wonky, I apologize, but Nurse is up next though. Promise!

“Why aren’t you nervous?”

Dex slowly puts down his taco and looks around the outdoor space cautiously. 

It’s just Diego’s. Beloved haunt of the collegiate late-night taco consumer crowd. And, Dex is willing to bet, besides a few business majors that have maybe pre-gamed Diego’s too hard, the threat level is minimal at best. 

“Should I be?” 

He glances up at Nurse. Who’s sitting perched on his patio chair. Tacos al pastor untouched. And if that wasn’t damning evidence enough, he stops short at the furiously confused face Nursey is sending him. He disguises a smirk by taking another bite of his taco.

“Yes!” Nursey gestures broadly, voice climbing, “You’re on a date with me.” Nurse says it slowly like Dex isn’t catching on, and well, he isn’t. Nurse must pick up on it because he waves him off, slouching back into his chair, sullen, “You should be terrified and grateful all at the same time. Instead you’re just,” here Nurse pauses to uneasily gesture at him, “I don’t know. All normal and shit.”

He can’t help the laugh, really he can’t. But he stops when Nurse cuts him an annoyed look. 

“We come here almost every Wednesday night.” He reminds him, because, he feels like it needs to be said.

“Right.” Nurse sighs like Dex is the biggest fucking idiot he’s ever talked to, “But it’s different.”

Dex smirks back, he knows where this is going. “Oh, okay. ‘Cause it’s a date?”

“It’s a date.” Nurse nods, and his face looks like he’s 100% done with him and regretting this so much it almost makes Dex laugh. He shakes his head. 

And it’s not that he’s _not_ acting like he’s on a date. Well. It’s complicated. They do this all of the time. They’ve sat at this exact time, eaten these same tacos, so many times before that it’s hard for Dex to feel like he needs to change anything? It’s not that he doesn’t think Nursey is worth the effort. That’s not fucking it at all. But. 

Nurse keeps sending him these not so inconspicuous looks that he’s pretty sure translate to _I can’t with you right now_. And well, he really can’t fuck up this first date or truly, all hope will be lost. 

He stares Nursey down for a second before asking, “You want me to act more like we're on a date?” 

Nurse snorts and rolls his eyes, “I mean, it wouldn’t kill you.” 

And. Dex bites the inside of his cheek to keep him from smiling like an idiot. Because this is just so typical Nursey isn’t almost heartwarming. It’s also totally fucking annoying. Nurse basically demanded he ask him out, told him at least a hundred times between that moment and the walk to Diego’s that he didn’t want Dex to make a big deal out of it, and then has the balls to sit there and call him out like this. 

Well. Two can play that game. 

Dex digs right back into his taco. “Gotcha. Alright. So,” he says around a mouthful, “what’s your major?”

Nurse just sort of stares at him for a second. Then. Shakes his head, waving him off. 

“Oh, fuck off.”

Dex doesn’t stop his smile this time. “Do you participate in any extracurriculars?”

Nurse lets out this frustrated sigh and pulls a hand down his face, “You’re the worst.” 

“Sports, perhaps? Wait, no.” He knows his grin is shit-eating but he doesn’t care, Nurse looks so put out it’s almost cute, he taps his chin in fake contemplation, “You don’t seem the type. Definitely not an athlete, I mean, look at you. Hang on, let me guess.” 

Nurse levels a glare his way, “I’m going to throw this empanada at you.” He waves it warningly and Dex catches just the faintest glimpse, just the smallest glimmer of amusement in Nursey’s eyes. And that’s all he needs. He’s off to the fucking races now. 

“I got it!” He snaps his fingers, “you run a nerdy book club?”

“Dex.” Nurse groans out warningly. Face in his hands now, shaking it. 

“Oh no, that’s not, that’s not _you_ enough.” He feels himself getting into it now, “I can do better, okay, let me think,” he stares off to his right for a second, trying to remember Nurse’s exact wording, and, “Yes. Okay, you run an intersectional pro-feminist nerdy book club which like,” he narrows his eyes because that’s not enough, “also does some type of outreach? At like some like correctional facility, yeah. To, fuck, oh I don’t know,” he makes a rolling hand gesture, letting the rest of it come to him, “advocate against, what’s it called again? The industry, oh, yeah, the prison industrial complex?”

He finishes with a huge fucking smirk because he knows he’s nailed it and he’s just waiting for Nurse to lay into him about being dick. And they can have it out over this whole ‘why aren’t you nervous’ crap and, he stops.

He glances over and Nurse is looking a little wide-eyed. A little motionless. 

It occurs to him his plan might have backfired.

“Whoa.” Nurse breathes the word out, turns his head slightly in confusion. And he’s looking at Dex. Really looking at him like he taken aback and _affected_. “How did you -”

Dex cuts him off, he can’t handle the eye contact. Let alone whatever look Nurse is sending him. 

He tries to shrug it off. “You talk a lot.” 

“Dex.” Nurse says again, but with a lot more something on it. And Dex thinks of tables, and how when he’s around Nursey, they can turn so fucking quickly it can give a dude whiplash. He picks up another taco. 

“Anyway, how are your classes going?” He tries. Nurse just cuts him another annoyed look.

Nurse puts his hands up, “Okay, enough.” And yeah, that tone, he probably deserves it, and he really really can’t fuck this up. Not this. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle it. 

“What do you want me to say, Nurse? Tell me.”

And at this. Nurse sighs mightily. But it does get him to look back at him and Dex just tries not to maintain it. He watches Nurse’s jaw click, twitch. Watches his eyes blink rapidly and _fuck_. Nurse pulls his shoulders in tight. 

“Are you like at all excited this is happening? Did you even want to come?” His voice is so quiet and Dex feels like the biggest asshole on the fucking planet, “Do you,” Nurse continues head turned down, “do you think we’re making a mistake? Are you slowly panicking inside and feel like you’re about to vibrate out of your skin?”

And. 

Dex reaches across the table blindly. 

Wrenching one of Nurse’s fidgeting hands out of his lap and into his. He all but knocks over his Gatorade and couldn’t give a fuck. Nurse can’t. Nurse can’t possibly think those things. 

“Whoa, hey, hey, alright.” He leans forward, dropping his voice, twisting the hand that’s holding Nursey’s so his thumb slides right over Nurse’s wrist, tries to not react to the rabid pulse he finds there, “Nurse. Come on, what are you even saying? Of course I want to be here, are you kidding?” He laughs a little hysterically because he can’t even fucking believe Nurse might think differently. 

He waits until Nurse looks back up at him. They lock eyes and Dex doesn’t even hesitate. The words he thinks would be hard to say just flow right on out of him like Nurse has him under a truth spell, easy and light. “I’ve been so far gone on you since day one it's not even funny.” 

Nurse snorts. Rubs at his nose. “Uh, please. Whatever.”

Dex doesn’t believe him for a second because in the next instant Nurse is twisting, turning his hand. Lacing their fingers together. 

And fuck him for ever thinking the aggressive arm hold thing is worse than this. Because this. He stomach fucking _flips_. 

He’s losing his mind. Yeah. Sure. And he’s pretty sure he’s going to vomit. And if Nurse doesn’t stop fucking looking at him like that he’s going to melt right on the spot. And you know, he has his reputation consider. Can’t fucking lose it just because Derek freaking Nurse is holding his hand. No matter how justified that might be. 

He coughs. Shakes out his head. Wills his heartbeat to fucking cool it and takes a deep breath. 

And no one else. No one else can get him to turn into such a sap. To get him to say all of this ridiculous shit he would never admit to. No one else. He’s 100% fucking positive. Amazingly, and he’s pretty sure against his will, he keeps talking. 

“You have no idea cause you’re an idiot.” And that’s great he thinks, yeah Dex, insult him. Great job. “But it’s true. The rest of the guys just gave me these like really pitying looks for a while as I trailed after you like all of first year.” 

Nursey’s gaze snaps to his. And he does that thing, smiles briefly and bites it back, like he knows it makes Dex fucking _weak_. “Shut the fuck up.” 

And Dex is pretty much helpless to do anything but sit there and squirm and nod his head. Nurse sends him a considering look and Dex doesn’t know what more he can say, but if Nurse keeps looking at him like that, he’d say fucking anything. And who knows what will come out. Again, he absently wonders if Tango taught Nurse how to do that. Which. Un-fucking-fair.

Nursey relents, shifting their hands onto the table, “So that’s why you’re not freaking right now?” 

And Dex. He. He’s feeling a whole bunch of inconvenient things right now but nervousness is not one of them. 

He squeezes Nursey’s hand. Which earns him a smile. And he smiles, too. 

“This is Wednesday night at Diego’s, right? Where else would I be, stupid?”

Nursey throws him a _really?_ look, and let’s go of their hands. Dex almost thinks he fucked up, but Nursey just fondly shakes his head at him in that way of his, and finally starts to eat his tacos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A date. *sighs* Finally.


	18. Nurse POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nurse POV
> 
> “And Nursey thinks of crash landings. Of ground control. Of the cracking static pop of voice coming through the radio, letting him know they’re clear for takeoff. He’s about to tell Dex that it sounds an awful lot like his voice.”

Handholding. Nursey smiles to himself. Turns his face into Dex’s shoulder to hide it. 

They’re holding hands walking back from Diego’s. 

And it’s. 

Well, truthfully. They haven’t really stopped since Dex reached over their table, sending pico de gallo and Tabasco sauce freaking everywhere, and snatched one of his. Which, he still has a hard time believing actually happened. And he you know, experienced it. 

Dex’s hands are. Rough. Calloused. Strong. Hold onto his like they’re fucking made for it. And they’re so freaking warm it’s just the absolute easiest thing to lean in to. So he does. 

And that is sort of terrifying. This whole thing is terrifying. And Nursey fucking hates himself for not being able to just let himself enjoy this simple thing. Walking back to the Haus holding hands with his boyfr- nope, nope, that’s not. Nope. He can’t. His stupid brain won’t let him just rest inside this one feeling of contentedness. It’s constantly skipping ahead or rewinding back, spinning and weaving, ready to fill in all of the blank spaces with everything he’s doing wrong and playing back his own fears. 

Because this is Dex. 

If he’s being honest with himself there will probably never be a time when he looks at Dex and doesn’t think, _Oh. Right. It’s you._ Breath caught and mind clear. 

And he can list, he can write, he can shout from the top of the Haus all of things that he holds close about this one impossible person currently holding his hand like a promise. But it won’t matter. 

It’s not lost on him that this is the same boy that made him break down in ugly sobbing over the summer. The same boy that did everything he could to push him away at the beginning of the year. The very one that was constantly at his throat, biting comment always at the ready, fists always clenched, basically all of last year. 

How much of that is he supposed to hold onto? 

How much of that is he supposed to keep wrapped around him like a shield? Like a cautionary wall. A nasty reminder of, _sure he’s better, but he can be worse._

And that’s not fair. It’s not. Not at all. It’s so totally shitty Nursey wishes he could blink and watch it all float away like smoke trails. Dissipate right back into the atmosphere. Rise and rise and get lost in space, find a different planet, and maybe locate the past version of Dex that bullshit belongs to. Fuck off to another alternate universe for a change. And he can spend all of his time focusing on this one Dex. The one right beside him. 

But. 

Ignoring the past isn’t going to help. There’s no remedy down that avenue. He can’t willingly let himself be that ignorant, that naive. Not when it’s this important. 

Because this is Dex. 

And he’s tired of second guessing Dex. It’s not right. It’s not good. And he has no fucking right to pretend like he has any higher moral ground. If anything, _he’s_ been the one fulfilling the role of raging asshole since this whole thing’s started. 

He remembers his last conversation with Tango. 

.

.

.

“I fucking laid him out, Tony. Put him right on his ass.” He runs a hand down his face, making a noise of frustration, sinking down onto Tango’s bedroom floor. 

“Oh. Okay?” Tango picks up his head from his gargoyle-like position of being crouched over his iPad and stares at Nursey from his position on the floor. Nurse watches him shake his head in confusion. “No wait, I’m sorry. You. You did what?”

“You didn’t see?” Nursey is almost glad of it, would hate to get on this kid’s bad side. “At practice. I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said and I just checked him when he cut across the blue line.”

“Derek. I.” Tango starts, tilting his head slightly, stylus tapping against his knee, “Well, while I appreciate that you, actually listened? Sort of, right? That’s not.” Tango scoots closer to him so they’re both sitting on the floor in front of his futon, “That’s not even remotely close to what I said? Or what I hoped I said. Anyway. I definitely didn’t tell you to, um, knock him out.” Tango sends him an unhappy smirk. 

“I know.” Nurse groans, pulling out the ‘o’, throwing his head back a little so it’s resting on the edge of the futon. He hears Tango gently laugh at him, warm and light. 

Of course he remembers what Tango actually said. The words clicking back into place, resorting themselves back out across Nursey’s mind. 

_He has a process to everything, bless his inflexible heart. Right? You gotta, or well, you don’t have to do anything. But if you’re asking? Sometimes you have to just wait it out, let him check his boxes. I guess. Or you can try forcing his hand. Which is sometimes fun? But a whole new level of difficulty, okay?_

“Then, why-” Tango has the stylus twirling over his knuckles now, looking inquisitively over at him. Nurse is hopeless not to answer him truthfully. He closes his eyes, exhaling. 

“He makes me stupid.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” Tango’s gentle laughter is back, but he’s scooting closer, turning to face him, “Yes, I get that. I can see that. But also? Like. You probably shouldn’t be doing that, right?” 

Nurse frowns. Of course he knows that, _now._

“I was trying to force his hand!” He gestures widely, trying to defend himself, “Like you said, man.” Nurse admits, knowing it sounds lame and ridiculous even to his own ears. 

“Derek! Derek. _Derek._ You’re like.” And Tango is furiously shaking his head at him with this small smile, “Oh my, okay. Never mind. Did you try, you know, talking to him before you threw him to the ice?”

He throws the underclassman a hard look. Tango, of course, just smiles back at him, completely unfazed. 

“Remember our last team dinner?” Tango starts. 

“Of course.” He exhales, he of course remembers it well. That one dinner made this, what’s happening between them, Nurse traipsing into Tango’s room to collapse on his floor and complain, possible. For which, he will always be grateful. 

“Well.” Tango drums his fingers over Nurse’s knee, “Remember what happened right after team dinner?” He voice lifts at the end, leaning forward, like he’s waiting for Nurse to put the final piece of the puzzle together. 

And he’s lost. Of course he remembers dinner. And the rest of the evening. But right after dinner? Is he talking about when him and Tango helped with the clean-up? Well, actually, that meant that they really just sat at the bar of the island, chattering away, while watching Bully and Dex do the dishes. He remembers Dex rolling up the sleeves of his flannel. And that fucking tattoo across his forearm _and_

“Alright, alright,” Tango snickers putting his hands up, like he can fucking read Nurse’s thoughts, rolling his eyes at him, “easy there, huh? Wow. Okay?” Tango keeps laughing at him. It’s not amusing. “Yeah. Anyway. I’m just talking about the dishes.”

“The dishes?” Nurse shoots him a confused look. 

“Yeah. The dishes.” Tango’s nodding like that’s supposed to mean something. Thankfully, he elaborates. “It’s. Well that’s Dex, right? That’s what I’m saying. After dinner he washes the dishes. Every time. Before anything else happens? The dishes get washed. You know, process. He’s all order and processes, our Dex.” And Tango just states it simply. Like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And gives Nurse one last smile and a shrug before returning to his work and pulling himself back into that crouched gargoyle posture. 

.

.

.

And yeah. 

After dinner, he washes the dishes. He gets that now. But.

If Dex is order and process, then Nurse is chaos and no discernible plans. If Dex has boxes he has to check off, then Nurse has feelings he cannot _not_ act on. How would there ever be middle ground?

He just. He got so tired of waiting on Dex to do something. Anything. Make any more. Because he knows Dex feels something. He knows. So why let it linger?

Dex kicking himself out of his own bed that night when Nurse collapsed onto his mattress felt like an awful rejection. And he knows now that he shouldn’t have crossed that line. Shouldn’t have tried to skip any of the steps Dex crafted. Which. Annoying. But also sort of nice. Actually really fucking nice. To be shown that much respect. He just didn’t see it that way when it happened. And. Nurse sighs. Yet another thing he was an asshole about. 

“Hey.” There’s a gentle pressure on his hand, “Where has that head of yours wandered off to? You went quiet on me.”

How could they work? What would that even look like? Dex has already demonstrated so much change. Nurse wonders if that’s more about dropping old walls or building more bridges. But what’s the point in all of that? Why should Nurse get to benefit? Dex has put in so much work. Has Nurse? 

Dex washes the dishes right after dinner. And Nurse knows he has at least four mugs scattered in their room and like three of Bitty’s Tupperware containers at the bottom of his backpack and gear bag. He’s not even sure if he’s ever even volunteered to help with the dishes, they’ve always just been done. 

“Nurse, hey. You okay? You’re not stuck up in the clouds are you?”

Dex has his steps. Order in his life. Nurse just jumps in feet first. Crossing his fingers for the best. He remembers telling Dex he was looking for a mess they could get into, maybe he was more spot on than he meant. 

“You wanna just float on back down for a second? Jesus, fuck! Watch out for the fucking door, Nurse. Shit!”

It’s possible he trips right on over the threshold of the Haus’ front door because he wasn’t paying attention. At least that snapped him out of his head. Nothing like the fear of falling to bring reality crashing back down. There’s a strong arm around his waist, catching him before he face planted, and steadily pulling him back to his feet. 

Once his balanced has been reinstated, Dex drops his hands and takes a step back, sending him a concerned look. 

“You alright?”

And well. Dex is standing there, hands in his pockets, looking at him and just waiting. Not pushing. Just waiting. Like he really wants a genuine answer. Nurse fights a smile. 

“Yeah.” He nods. 

Dex snorts. “Yeah? Well. Welcome back down to earth.”

And Nursey thinks of crash landings. Of ground control. Of the cracking static pop of voice coming through the radio, letting him know they’re clear for takeoff. He’s about to tell Dex that it sounds an awful lot like his voice, but. 

“Dex?” Someone calls from further inside the Haus, “Is that you, honey?” Bitty’s voice carries all the way from the living room. Nurse hears Dex sigh lightly. Watches him straighten up and call back over his shoulder. 

“Yeah, Bits. What’s up?”

“Well I was just,” Bitty turns the corner, walking towards them with a laundry basket propped against his hip, and Nurse watches Bitty’s face brighten, “Oh hey Nursey. How are you, darlin’?” 

“Wait, hang on.” Dex starts before Nurse can respond to Bitty, he turns to face the blond, “How come he gets to be darling but I’m always just honey? You call everyone honey.”

And Nurse outright laughs, surprising even himself. Because Dex actually sounds upset about it. 

He can’t help it. Dex’s normally grumpy face looks even extra grumpy at the mere thought Nurse would inherit such a title over him. It’s ridiculous. And adorable.

“Oh come on, Dex.” He turns towards the redhead, smiling wide, “It’s obvious Bitty likes me better.”

And Dex’s face actually drops for a split second before he starts shaking his head. Giving Nurse an evil smirk. 

“You sure about that, _darlin’_?” Dex shoots back at him, voice sickly sweet, “Pretty sure he already knows you were the one that fucked up the stovetop when-”

“Dex.” He cuts him off, drops his voice lower, “ _Honey._ Don’t make me bring up the time you-”

“Oh, hush!” Bitty waves a hand at them, exasperated, “Both of you! Enough of this.” He sends them his patented ‘your captain is done with your shit’ look. “I’m just hear on official laundry business and then y’all can get back to fighting over Lord knows what. Now.” 

Bitty reaches into the basket and easily plucks out a sweatshirt. 

And Nurse. He. Freezes. When he recognizes it. 

Bitty holds it up towards Dex, “This one is yours, right? I thought you left it in the laundry room.”

“I did.” Dex nods, but inclines his head towards him, “But it’s actually Nursey’s.”

“Oh, well. Here ya go, darlin’.” Bitty winks at him, tossing him the hoodie. Dex scoffs. And Bitty promptly spins around, heading back towards the living room. Nurse turns towards Dex because _what._ But Dex has already turned to start walking towards the kitchen. 

“Wait.” He grabs Dex by the bicep, willing him to turn back around. “How did you,” He begins, but loses the rest of the sentence because of the annoyed look Dex is sending him. But he knows that look. Understands it better. It’s the one he uses when he doesn’t want to talk about something. Nurse shakes his head slightly because he doesn’t understand. “I thought I left it somewhere?”

Dex just nods once. “You did. At Wilson.”

Oh. At Wilson Library. That. Yeah, that makes sense. That must have been when, and _oh._ So that means … 

“And you.” He breathes out, “You just went there and found it?” 

Dex shrugs, rolling his eyes in clear irritation. “How else do you think it ended up back here, stupid?”

And that makes Nurse bite the inside of his cheek.. He. Dex did that for him. 

“Dex. I.” He steps closer, doesn’t miss the redhead’s blush creeping high and faint across his cheekbones, “I thought I lost it. It’s my favorite one.” He admits quietly, but that’s not quite it. Doesn’t quite encompass how much this means to him. He’s finding himself remarkably tongue tied, and that just doesn’t really happen to him.

“Yeah. I know.” Dex just nods like he understands all of it. He drops his voice lower and send Nurse a devilish smirk, “And now it’s clean for a change.” The asshole even _fucking winks_ at him before turning and walking towards the kitchen.


	19. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV
> 
> “So he nods. Because if he talks he’s going to say something like _Can this please be our new normal?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not resist another Tango flashback, honestly I should just write him his own story, he deserves it.

Dex stifles a grin. Maybe an endearing eye roll. Because Nursey, true to form, walks back into their room and wastes about 2 seconds before yanking on the newly washed hoodie. And honestly. It’s just a sweatshirt. Nurse has no business looking so content and cozy and calm. He’s flipping the cuffs down and over his knuckles, like he’s making certain they still stretch that far, producing what Dex thinks is the desired effect. It’s a gesture Dex has witnessed a hundred times. And he’s close to asking. Really. He is. He’s curious as hell. But not tonight. Not when Nurse keeps humming and looking all quietly happy and shit. 

And it’s the quiet part that unnerves him. 

Nursey. Well, Derek. Has a tendency to just sort of drift off. That’s nothing new. He’ll get this faraway look in his eyes and when someone or something snaps him out of it, his usual response is either a dive for his journal or a small smile accompanied with some off the wall comment about like, the color of the inside of his cabin when he was away at summer camp in middle school. And, you know. They all sort of just roll with it. Dex always thought it was just how Nursey operated. The price to pay for being such a creative brainiac, you know?

Like on their walk back to the Haus just now. Dex doesn’t really mind. Nursey always drifts backs down eventually. He snickers. Or else he’ll trip while he’s walking. But that must be a little bit of a jarring wake up call. 

And it’s strange. This. Whatever is between them. Because Nurse is doing it now, sitting on his bed and staring out the window, and Dex finds himself at a loss for protocol. His instinct is to leave him to it. But he’s not sure if he should leave the room? Like, technically, they’re still on a date. Or whatever. And he doesn’t want Nurse thinking he’s bolting. And he doesn’t really want to leave anyway? Because this has been good. Tonight. It was nothing like he expected it to be and he was wrong about everything. And honestly he’s fighting a ridiculously strong urge to just pull Nurse off his bed and kiss the hell out him to tell him just that. So. 

He turns. Starts shuffling through his textbooks and supplies scattered across their shared desk. He’s sorting out what’s pressing for homework. Plugging in his laptop. Absently thinking he should refill his water bottle before turning in for the night. And. 

“Hey. You tired?” Nursey’s voice pulls him out of his mental to-do list. He shakes his head, depositing a notebook into his backpack. 

“Not really.”

“Up for listening?” Nurse asks and Dex pauses to turn and look over at him. It’s on the tip of his tongue to say something like _literally anytime, stupid_ but he pushes it back down. Nurse has the book in his hands, drumming his fingers on the cover, which reminds Dex so much of -

.

.

.

It’s been awhile. The last time they read a part of the story, it had been with Tango after Team Dinner. When Dex inadvertently created the monster that would be Nursey and Tango attached at the fucking hip.

That night, post-drinking wine on the porch, the two came waltzing in for Team Dinner and sat right next to each other. On the opposite end away from Dex. And they talked to each other throughout the whole meal. Kept talking through dessert, even after non-Haus dwellers cleared out they talked through ‘helping’ to clean up. (Spoiler alert: They didn’t actually help clean anything.) They even talked all the way up the stairs, into the room Dex and Nurse share, and now they sit. Both cross legged on Nurse’s top bunk. Caught up in some heated discussion about Baroque composers Dex can’t even guess at nor contribute to. He leaves them to it. Not that they would even notice. Grabs his shower caddy and heads for the bathroom. 

He’s mid-shampoo when he starts to feel a little suspicious. 

He forces himself to shake it off. It’s probably just him being paranoid, anyway. Tango’s been through some shit today. God knows Dex isn’t the one gifted with the grace to process all of that with him. And Nursey mentioned he had some experience in such shit. It’s probably a good thing for both of them, he tells himself. The pair of them, huddle together jibber-jabbering the night away, made a type of logical sense. He supposes. 

He turns his face into the spray. 

It’s been a little while and it’s mostly healed but his cut above his lip still stings when the hot water hits it. He stupidly pokes at it. No doubt making it a little swollen. 

Stepping out of the shower, he wraps up in a towel and sighs at his reflection in the mirror. His pale skin makes even the slightest hint of pink stand out like a neon sign. A gross cut across some real delicate skin? Looks like a fucking hack job. It’s red and angry and disgusting to look at. He opens his mouth gingerly. And yeah, maybe it still fucking hurts, too. He yanks on some sweats and heads back to his room. 

He’s flat out on his bed, listening to the two of them carry on like they’re finishing each other’s sentences, when Nursey’s head sort of pops into view from above, over the side of the bunk. 

He rolls his eyes. 

“Lean out any further and you’re gonna faceplant onto the floor, stupid.”

“You’d like, catch me though?” Nurse smugly smiles back, “Right?”

He doesn’t even look back up. “Hard pass.”

“Whatever. You totally would.”

“By the time I even reacted, you’d be full nosedive.” He explains with mild irritation, “Slam right into the floorboards. Like a dumbass.”

“You have zero faith in me, Pointdexter. And that hurts.” Nurse snaps back, shaking his head head. Dex just snorts. 

“Not as much a header from the top bunk would, I’m sure.”

“Careful,” Nurse pulls out the word, voice climbing an octave, wagging a finger at him, “that sounds like concern.”

“Yup. Gotta protect these hardwoods.” Dex motions down over his bed, “Blood’s a bitch to clean out of the groovings.”

And that. Gets Nurse to stop. He hears him shift. Not bothering to look up at him. 

“Why you gotta be such an argumentative dick tonight, huh?” Nurse starts, “It’s not good for your health, bro.”

“Careful, _bro._ ” Dex throws it back, feeling more than done with this conversation, “That sounds like concern.”

“Wow.” Tango breathes out from somewhere in the top bunk. “You two are just so sweet on each other, aren’t you? Just match round for round, huh? Impressive.”

And. 

At least that puts an end to that. 

“Anyway,” Nurse’s head pops back over and he looks bored, “you up for reading or what?”

Dex bites back something nasty, he’s tired and grumpy and he sort of feels like he’s been ignored all day if he’s being honest but he would never say that because that just sounds pathetic and yeah, he’s not, Nurse can fucking read to himself that’s fine. Instead of saying any of this he just gestures to his face, because yes, it still fucking hurts.

“Can’t.”

And. 

“Good thing I’ll be reading then, yeah?” 

And Dex feels uncertainty pool in his chest. He pauses. If he’s being completely honest, he could really think of nothing better than being read to right now. He’s tired. His face hurts. Team Dinners are fun but also a lot of work. He’d be so down to just listen. 

But the uncertainty also feels a little like embarrassment. Because this thing, the reading thing that they do, is something he really can’t explain. Something he sure as hell wouldn’t go explaining to someone else. And yeah, it’s Tango. The least likely person to give them shit for it. But still. It just feels a little weird. Sharing it with another person. 

Nursey leans back down and over. Waiting for a response. 

“Yeah, sure. Fine.”

“Chill.” Nurse responds. 

And then Dex feels the frame shake with the effort of two collegiate hockey players throwing themself off the top bunk. Nurse plops into the desk chair. Kicking his stupid long legs up onto the desk, finger flipping through the book. And Tango swipes a pillow right out from under Dex and goes to sit on the floor, back pressed up against Dex’s bed. Looking up towards Nurse with rapt attention like the dumbass is going to break into a Shakespearean monologue or some shit. Dex snorts. 

“Okay!” Nurse calls out, “Let’s start reading, huh? William, what chapter did we leave off on? I think I lost the bookmark.”

“Of course you did.” Dex deadpans. Because he’s lost the other two. 

“I think it’s Chapter 15.” Nurse continues on, rifling through the pages. like he didn’t hear him. 

“Did you just call him William?” Tango asks bluntly, wide-eyed. Nurse’s head snaps up. Dex sighs. 

“Tango, don’t start.”

“But -”

“Why would -”

“It’s definitely Chapter 19. It’s where I placed the-”

“Oh look, the bookmark! It’s right here.”

“Honestly, you’re the worst.”

“Hang on, why’s that surprising?”

“That you’re the worst? You want a fucking list, Nurse?”

“No. Hush. Not you. Tango, why’s that surprising?”

“Oh, well. This one time. Dex told me that only-”

“Tango! What did I just say?”

“Let the him speak, Grumpy.”

“Never mind! Yeah. Never mind. Forget it. In fact I’ve already forgotten about it. So, who wants to tell me about the story?”

“We’re going to circle back to that one later.”

“Just read the fucking book, Nurse.” Dex grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. He knew in his bones that Tango and Nursey would ultimately team up against him. And that’s a terrifying thought. Because he knows only pure mayhem and unbridled chaos will come from it. And Dex never stood a chance anyway. And it’s like, super shitty. 

Except it isn’t. 

Not really. 

Nurse does read. In that fucking voice of his. 

And Tango asks lots of clarifying questions. 

And him and Nurse fight over answering them. 

So it’s okay. Good, even. Maybe he’s smiling. Whatever.

.

 

.

 

.

 

Nurse is staring at him. 

And Dex realizes he’s one to fucking talk about drifting off. 

So he nods. Because if he talks he’s going to say something like _Can this please be our new normal?_

Nurse nods back and fiddles with the new magnetic bookmark for a second, probably clasping it to an earlier page, and starts reading. In that fucking voice of his. 

He put on a fucking show for Tango that night. Every character, enlivened, infused with appropriate personality. Every melodramatic twist and turn met with an equally melodramatic reading of it. Dex remembers being swept up in for a couple of minutes, Nursey is just like that sometimes. Before remembering Nursey knows this book backwards and forwards, has probably practiced all the voices and inflections a million times over. 

He reads with a similar purpose tonight, if a little more controlled. Voice low and deep and rich and smooth and, Dex finds himself wondering how Nurse would sound reading his own work aloud to him. And. That. He misses the last few sentences. 

“Wait,” he interjects, pausing his tidying up of the room, “what kingdom are these assholes from? Think I missed it.”

“The Bluebirds.” Nurse sends him a dull look, “It’s in their last name, stupid.”

“Okay, right.” Dex tries to slot that together, but no, the picture isn’t any clearer. “But why do they want to start warring with Queen Ava? Like that makes no sense. Aren’t they allies?” 

“Yes.” Nurse snaps, then catches himself, “Well, no. They used to be.” Dex watches Nurse tilt his head in that questioning way that he tries not to find likable, “I guess kind of? Their former ruler allied with the previous queen. But that was before the plague and, you know, that real fucked up time loop business.”

Dex sighs because _what._ Just when he thought he had a handled on this book. The plot picked up at rocket speed and he’s left in the dust. With only more questions. 

“And who the hell is Roland again?”

“Dex, come on. Keep up.” Here Nurse doesn’t hold back his disappointed smirk, “Roland is the neutral mind reader from the Great Mountains. He’s impervious to the time fuckery.” 

“Jesus.” Dex breathes out, running a hand through his hair, “I need a fucking map. Or like. Some fucking reference material to keep all this straight.”

Nurse carefully shifts in his spot on his bed, “Confused?”

Dex nods furiously, “It seems unnecessarily complicated!”

“But that’s the intrigue!” Nurse explodes, hands out, widely gesturing, “The mystery! The allure! The reason you keep reading! To watch all the pieces fall into place.”

And like Nurse is really into it too, voice climbing, he’s not bullshitting. Dex finds himself fighting a smile. He schools it back, leans against the desk. 

“Honestly, I’m just interested in finding out if Cassandra and Elle pull through.”

“Yes,” Nurse nods sagely but gets right back into it, “but you won’t understand how important that scene is unless you go through all of this stress now! Work for it.”

“Alright. Whatever.” He snorts, putting his hands up, “Then just keep reading.”

He turns back to the desk where he was reorganizing one of his comp sci binders. And. There’s a pause. 

“Is it too complicated?” Nurse asks, his voice decidedly less enthused than it was a second ago, and somehow tinged with apprehension. 

“Well, it’s fucking complicated.” Dex admits and laughs once, but maybe it makes a little more sense now? Kind of? No. But like hell if he’s going to ever stop Nurse from reading. He considers, “But the good kind of complicated, I guess.”

And Nursey continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the bottom of my heart, a million thank yous for the inspiring comments and love. I can’t even say how much it means to me. Thank you for reading this silly thing. 
> 
> Also, we’re in the homestretch! Cheers for making it this long.


	20. Nursey POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nursey POV
> 
> Nurse freezes, feels the gravity drop, the planets spin, he hugs himself tighter to keep himself grounded. “Yeah?”

“What’s this doing in the recycling?”

Nurse stops reading to look down at the redhead who rudely interrupted him. Dex is crouched over their small trash bins, something glossy and embossed clutched in his hand, looking at him very suspiciously. Nurse is immediately not amused. 

“Why the hell are you going through the recycling?” He snaps, shaking his head, and turns his focus back to the book. 

“I asked a question first.” Dex retorts, his voice now brimming with tension. And honestly. Nursey sighs. It’s been nice, right? So nice and peaceful. Why start shit now?

“It's probably in there because I threw it away, dumbass.” He grumbles, wishing he discarded the stupid envelope in any other recycling bin. 

“But why?” Dex starts, almost laughing in disbelief. Nurse watches him turn and throw him an intense look, gripping the card, “You’ve been invited to the Dean’s Bright Lights banquet.” Dex states slowly with emphasis, and Nurse really wants to throw his pillow at him. “Or, did you.” Dex pauses, looking a little angry, “Fuck. Nurse, did you even read it?”

He dials up his best unimpressed blank stare in response. 

“Did you?” Nurse snorts after a moment of watching Dex stand there all annoyed and flustered. It’s obvious Dex already fucking read the invitation, which, rude. 

“You’re a fucking Dean’s scholar?!” Dex nearly shouts, like the prospect is completely unimaginable to him.

Nurse raises an eyebrow, now a little offended, “What, like it’s hard?”

“Um, yeah? It’s totally is?” Dex explodes, now pointing at the invitation and waving it at him like an idiot, “You’re on the fucking Dean’s list! And like really high up there according to this shit! You won an award?” 

And oh yeah, Nurse already breezed past that bit of information when he first gave it a glance before tossing it. He cuts Dex a look.

“And what about it.” He hopes it sounds like the warning it is. 

“Dude, they want you to speak?” Dex just barrels right on through, still almost yelling at him, and now Nurse is annoyed. 

“Yeah, no.” He snaps the book shut. Done. And bedtime? Sure. Great plan. He should probably go wash his face. Leave Dex here to stew in whatever he’s stewing in right now. He crawls down from his top bunk. 

“What do you mean _no_?” Dex asks as soon as his feet hit the floor. Nurse ignores him, turning to go find his stuff. But he’s just standing there, taking up space, and looking at him like a maniac. 

He sighs mightily and briefly looks over at Dex, “I’m not going.” He states simply, clearly. 

“Nurse, you have to!” Dex snaps out because he doesn’t understand anything, and quickly crosses the space to stand in front of him, “This is such an accomplishment.”

And that. That makes him stop. Because.

“I don’t have to do anything.” His voice careful and crystal fucking clear. He watches Dex’s face slip, and at least the boy has enough wherewithal to look properly contrite. And he quiets a little. 

“Okay, fuck.” Dex’s voice is lower, he runs a hand through his hair, “Okay, you’re right. But can you,” He stops, shakes his head a little, “Will you at least tell me why you don’t want to go? ‘Cause this sounds pretty fucking amazing.” 

Nurse shrugs, looking down at the now probably crumpled invite in Dex’s hand, wondering how far they’re going to get into this, “I don’t like being put on the spot like that.”

He actually watches Dex resist the urge to shout back something and instead breathes out a quiet and even, “But you earned it.”

And that makes Nurse laugh, “You don’t get it.” He shakes his head, and wasn’t he headed to the bathroom? He should get back to that.

“No. I don’t.” Dex admits quietly, and stops him with a light hand on his shoulder, “But. Explain?” 

Nurse lets out a long sigh, and probably a noise of frustration. He knows he can just walk away. And that’s very tempting. Dex had no business pulling his letter out of the fucking recycling bin, he really doesn’t need to explain himself. But Dex looking at him imploringly, like he does want to understand, and _well_ , if he really wants to know. 

“These things come up, right?” Nurse starts, searching for the best words to explain it concisely, “And it’s, nice. You know, to be recognized for hard work. But it goes beyond that sometimes?” _Or like all the fucking time,_ “Like all of a sudden I’m one of the few students of color at these banquets surrounded by rich white people telling me I’ve come so far and I’m such a good role model and shit like this just for like, writing some bullshit papers. Like it’s, uncomfortable, sort of.”

“Oh.” Dex replies, looking anywhere but Nursey. He doesn’t roll his eyes. But it’s a near thing.

“Yeah. And I just feel like,” He continues, “they try to make an example out of me? Or whatever. Like I’m one of the good ones or some shit.” He thinks back to every awards banquet-scholarship night-recognition thing he’s ever been apart of, and shutters. Academia is such a fucking trip sometimes. 

“Oh, okay. That’s shitty.” Dex nods slowly and takes a few steps back. Nurse hopes that means maybe they’re done with this. 

“Yeah. And like those banquets are always lame as hell, anyway.” He laughs, turning back to gather up his stuff for the bathroom. He’s about to leave and, 

“Nursey?” Dex asks softly, sitting at the desk now. 

“Yeah?” He looks over to a very restrained looking Dex, which for the record, isn’t one he sees very often.

“I hear you and I understand, but,”

“But what, Dex?” He cuts him off, a little tired of the runaround. 

Dex breathes out, a small stupid smile, “Fuck ‘em.”

Nurse just snorts and shakes his head, “It’s not that easy, Pointdexter.” 

“No, yeah, it’s not.” Dex nods but continues carefully, “But still fuck them for making you feel like you don’t want to go. Because, because you’re like, really fucking smart.” Small stupid smile still firmly in place, eyes locked with his. 

And. _Okay._

“Yeah.” Nurse agrees. Because, you know, he is.

“They want you to present your research project? You worked your ass off on that.” 

“Yeah.” He agrees again, because, you know, he really fucking did. 

“You won a fucking award for it, Nursey.” Dex says this softly, but firmly, like it’s something to marvel at and revere. 

“Yeah.” He crosses his arms over his chest. 

Dex stands up. Walks over to him. 

“You’re incredible.”

Nurse freezes, feels the gravity drop, the planets spin, he hugs himself tighter to keep himself grounded. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Dex nods, smiling widening. And Nurse, he, it’s all too much. This. It’s one thing to know Dex is attracted to him. It’s a whole other thing to try and understand Dex might think he’s, well, more than that. 

So he tries to laugh. Knows it comes out a little strained and takes a much needed step back. 

He shakes his head for what feels like the tenth time this conversation, “Why are you so hyped about this?”

“I don’t know.” Dex breathes out, “But.” And here Nursey makes the mistake of looking back towards his roommate, because Dex’s smile is positively _destructive_ , “Sure would be nice to see you all dressed up. Full-on nerd mode. Doing your English thing with your liberal arts people.”

And. Nurse outright laughs. Because this idiot couldn’t look any more serious. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Nurse asks smugly, “No, like, you would actually enjoy that?” He presses and Dex doesn’t even do him the favor of looking embarrassed.

“Just saying.” Dex actually shrugs, angling his shoulders away like he’s about to turn around, “I’d be there in a fucking heartbeat.”

“Too bad you weren’t invited.” Nurse responds, fighting a smile. 

“Yeah. But hey,” Dex does turn and sits back down at the desk, “you’re not going, so. No problem.” 

.

 

.

 

.

 

It’s late. It’s always late. And Dex is passed out asleep, flat out on his back, apparently finished whatever he was working on a little while ago. Nursey is on step five of eleven of his nightly skincare routine in the small bathroom they share with Chow. He spends the next six steps thinking about Diego’s. How not nervous Dex was. The walk back to the Haus. Thinks about stupid invitations to stupid banquets and Dex’s stupid face telling him he’s incredible. Finishing, he packs up his things and heads back to their room. He takes a look at his top bunk and reaches up to pull down his hoodie. Yanking it on he settles, and takes a deep breath. 

He crawls in next to Dex. 

“Der?” Dex grumbles out, but doesn’t move. Doesn’t even pick his head up.

“Have you dropped the hands ban yet?” Nurse asks, fitting himself between Dex and the wall, liberating a pillow.

“Hm, what?” Dex scoots a little to his right and drops his left arm across the top of the pillow Nursey just pilfered. 

“Can I sleep next to you or not, Pointdexter?”

“If you wanna.” Is the mumbled, probably still mostly asleep, response. But it’s enough. Nurse pulls at the duvet until he can shimmy himself underneath it, which elicits an annoyed groaned from Dex. 

He shifts, turns, lies on his side. He draws his knees up a little, legs brushing against Dex’s. 

Dex starts, grouses at him, eyes still closed, “Your feet are fucking freezing.” 

But he doesn’t shift away. And Nursey smiles. He curls up into Dex’s side. Let’s his hand rest light on Dex’s stomach. “Night.” 

Dex breathes out, even and slow. Let out a small sigh, turning his head towards Nurse, “Night.”

Quiet moments pass. 

Nurse pokes him in the ribs. “Dex?”

The redhead just groans. So he pokes him again. 

“Dex?”

“What.”

“Will you go to the Bright Lights banquet with me?”

And. 

Dex shifts, drops closers. 

“‘Course, sweetheart.” And there’s the faintest brush of lips pressed into his hair.


	21. Nursey POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nursey POV
> 
> And he thinks. _Isn’t it time to fall off the edge?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Nursey chapter (; Fun fact, this is actually one of the first scenes I wrote in this mess

After the banquet, they walk back to the Haus. 

Which is totally unnecessary because any of the buses would be able to get them there quicker. But Nurse is vibrating with energy from the events of the evening and convinced Dex to take the long way. Which. Walking with Dex? Always great. In fact, they should always walk everywhere from now on. Yes. He’s a solid wall of muscle and warmth next to him.

He’s pulling at Dex’s elbow now as they’re a few blocks away from the Haus, “Hey, can we read when we get back? I’m like totally keyed up and not ready to sleep yet.”

“Yeah, sure.” Dex nods, smiling, “You or me?”

“Oh, let me read.” Nurse explains excitedly, “I’m like totally feeling it.” 

And that’s how they end up in the kitchen. Because despite literally just coming from a fancy ass banquet with fancy ass food, Dex complained he was hungry and went about whipping something up. 

Nurse ran upstairs to rip off his suit jacket and tie and grabbed the book. He planted himself on one of the barstool at the island and started reading aloud while Dex cooked. 

The thing is, because it’s actually an acceptable time of the evening, other people are in there too.

But he doesn’t really care. Not tonight. 

Bitty’s putting away some dishes. Chowder’s working on heating up something that smells incredible. Bully and Hops are fighting over what’s left of the cookies, and others are milling about. Floating in and out. 

And it’s so good. Because this is good. This. What’s between them, this space. Their space is expanding. Hopefully. And honestly, it should fill the whole Haus.

He’s electric energy. And he starts reading to the whole room, getting into it. The others actually stop and listen, taken in by the show, of course, he’s fucking awesome at this. And he hears Dex snort to himself. Chow interrupts with a few general questions, which sets off the rest of the peanut gallery to debate and quibble over the short portion of the plot they’ve overheard. Dex and Nurse try to answer them, but end up arguing themselves. Which only prompts Bitty to hush them and tell Nurse to get a move on with the story. He smiles widely. Openly. 

Later, back up in their room, Nurse is suddenly bone-deep tired and ready to pass the fuck out. 

He’s about to climb up to his bed and hopefully collapse into his mattress. 

“Hey, Der?” Dex stops him. And Nurse pauses at his name, looks over his shoulder, “I’m so fucking proud of you.” 

And. 

There’s a crack. Like his heart is throwing itself against the glass walls of his chest, threatening to shatter everything. And Nurse looks at the space between. Inches and the following abyss of a great mountain all at once. 

And he thinks. _Isn’t it time to fall off the edge?_  
. 

 

.

 

.

 

He wakes up to the feeling of an intense memory. An Anita Baker record overwhelms him just like it did the first time he heard it. Lyrics and gently hummed bars easily come back to him. He remembers his mom’s soft smile, explaining what rapture means when Derek asked her. Only now in this moment does he have a concrete and tangible definition for it.

It takes him a while to realize it. Blinks the sun out of his eyes. By all accounts, Nursey’s logical brain tells him that this is just like every other morning. He wakes. He’s in his bed. In the bedroom he shares at the Haus. Soon he’ll have to go thru the motions of getting ready for practice or class, his usual schedule of familiarity. 

But what’s not familiar?

Nursey shifts and stretches languidly. Absolutely loving every second of the warmth and the contentedness he feels in his bones. He shimmies a little back into the comfort of his blanket, he rotates his back so he’s more on his side, lets one of his legs hook around another. He turns his head, feeling his hair smush up on one side and his stubble catch on the skin between Dex’s shoulder and neck. He smiles to himself and burrows his face into Dex’s shoulder, inclined to find the best position, and lets one of his sweatshirt clad arms land across Dex’s torso for leverage. Dex is so pleasantly warm. He radiates it. Always had. Nursey turns his face into Dex’s neck, chasing the warmth, and rubs his cold nose right into the heated skin. 

Dex stirs. Nursey watches his face twitch, once, twice. Dex turns his head away from him, mumbling out a scratchy and sleep-laden, 

“Stop it.”

Nursey smiles. He slowly drags his face away, nestling back down into Dex’s shoulder. Dex twitches and huffs. 

“Knock it off.”

“My stubble tickling your delicate skin, Pointdexter?” Nurse whispers, doing it again. Dex, whose face is still turned away from him, eyes closed, blushes up to his cheek bones and grumpily huffs some more. Nursey finds himself smiling like an idiot, absurdly happy with himself. 

“Yeah, whatever. You love it.”

Dex doesn’t react besides turning his head even further away, exposing even more of his neck. Nurse catches himself, maybe he did it unconsciously. Nursey watches the redhead’s face relax and soften, his breath evening out again, Nursey’s own head subtlety rising and falling with Dex’s chest. 

And that’s when he realizes. 

He slept through the night. Like the whole fucking night. No dreams, no nightmares. No mind-spinning, no inability to just stop fucking thinking. No tossing and turning. No creeping restlessness in his legs. No desire to be anywhere else then where he currently is. 

Emboldened, or perhaps still overwhelmed by the fact that this is all actually really fucking happening, Nursey lets his fingers drift down, skating over the ridges of hard muscle of Dex’s abs, and carefully, gently, hooking them under the waistband of Dex’s boxers. He doesn’t go any further, just slides his hand over Dex’s hip.

Dex’s face twitches again in a horribly unattractive way, inhales sharply, and he grumbles out a low, 

“Your fingers are fucking freezing.”

Nursey’s favorite detail? Dex’s morning voice. 

Dex stirs again and Nursey watches his face closely. At any moment Dex will fully wake up and pull away with this stupid shy smile and give Nursey some line about not putting out until the fifth date or some other crap like there’s actually a prescribed timeline for these things. A way it’s supposed to happen. An order to it. Like this all just isn’t one very lovely and scary fall into chaos. 

Nurse recalls last night. Thinks of Pointdexter’s stupid face. And remembers all the splendid variations of that face he was treated to last night. The delightfully rattled look Dex gave him when Nurse walked out of their room in his suit. The exasperated pull of his face when Nurse leaned over to straighten his tie. The look of careful nonchalance when Nursey asked him how he would like to be introduced. 

_Chill, I just meant if you wanted to go by Dex or Will._

He remembers the way his face fell just a little. The small but ridiculously pleased look he couldn’t quite keep off of his face when Nurse first introduced him as _This is my date, Will._ The look of panic when Nursey’s favorite professor asked him if this is the boyfriend she’s heard so much about. The look of pure agitation when Nursey smiled broadly and responded, _Well, he could be. If he gets his shit together._ The look of warm eyes, gleaming with pride and open admiration, never once wavering from him when he was up on stage giving his speech. 

It’s the particular look Nurse finds himself thinking about now. Flushing hot with it. And absolutely letting it go to his head. 

He was nervous as hell giving that fucking speech. Nervous and on edge just being at that recognition banquet. He’s always felt awkward accepting praise and recognition. Doesn’t much enjoy being in the spotlight, especially the particular spotlight of Samwell. 

He knows what he looks like. He knows how he appears. He’s a collegiate hockey player and the long hours of training reflect that. He’s not unaccustomed to looks of appreciation or something more gross and heated from strangers in a crowd. 

And, though he’d be hard pressed to admit it, he knows he’s good at writing. He takes pride in his work and tries to graciously accept recognition from his peers and professors. But there’s always been this kind of divide. Sometimes he feels like he’s living two separate lives. The tough and imposing Samwell hockey stud. Merciless on the poor wingers that skate across his blue line, intense and hard-hitting as soon as he takes the ice. And the scholarly, nose habitually in a book, creative writing major. Content to stay at the library all day, with a mountain of books and his journals, so many journals, filled with half stories and brimming with truths he hasn’t yet shared and reverently copied down quotes that make his eyes sting. Sure, he knows, they are equal parts of himself. But in banquet hall such as that, or walking around campus or down the streets of Boston, most people only see him as the former. 

It’s a weird feeling, but not entirely unpleasant. On the contrary, if Nurse examined it closely, he’ll feel it light him up from the inside. Dex looked at him in awe. Like Nurse was something to behold. Not a look of thin restraint when Dex gets all hot and bothered by Nursey walking around in just his boxers or dripping in sweat after a brutal practice or lately, in a well fitted suit. No, he’s accustomed to those. And while he takes pride in making the redhead squirm, enjoying the way Dex never openly leers at him but gets all huffy and flustered, he could care less about the heat behind the look. What trips him up is the look of wonder. Like Nurse was something to marvel over. 

He giggles. Actually fucking giggles. Because it’s ridiculous and so lovely yet so undeserved that he can’t help but laugh. He has the marvel in his bed after all. He should be the one in awe. So he looks and he looks and his chest clenches painfully and who knows when this will all be a dream again so Nurse decides to push his luck until Dex pushes him away. 

His hand, the one currently tucked into Dex’s fucking boxers, flexes and grips at Dex’s hip. He raises his head and gently brushes his lips across the exposed collarbone. When Dex still doesn’t wake up or you know, respond, Nurse leans forward and uses his teeth to nip at the juncture between shoulder and neck. 

Dex’s eye snap open, finally turning to face him. “Fuck, Nursey. What?” He grumbles, fixing him with the most perturbed face. “Whaddaya want, huh? ‘M’sleeping,”

He snorts, “Morning to you too, asshole.”

He can’t help it. Dex is right there and so warm and there’s so much freckled skin he hasn’t been able to touch like this before. 

He plants slow and soft kisses up Dex’s neck, fixating on a pulse point, steadily working up a bruise. The redhead softly whines just once before realizing what Nurse is doing and squawks and scoots further away, dislodging Nurse’s head. 

“You’re a goddamn menace.” Dex shakes his head.

“Mmm,” Nurse nods and smiles slowly, “love it when you use those terms of endearment.”

Dex scoffs, turning back into his pillow, and closing his eyes again, “Shut up and go back to sleep.” 

“I like sweetheart the best.” 

“What?” And Now Dex is staring at him widely, cautiously, and Nurse gently laughs. 

“Yeah, it’s my favorite. Even though it’s kind of common, no one has ever called me that before.” He smiles when Dex’s brows pinch together, “It’s nice. Even in your hideous New England accent.”

“I don’t,” Dex starts, shakes his head, and keeps looking at Nursey like he’s about to yell at him, “I’ve never,”

“Yeah, you have.” Nurse puts him out of his misery, and lies his head back on Dex’s chest, tucking in, “I thought you were going to say it again last night, you know, when you kissed me.” 

Dex sighs, drops his arm back over Nurse’s pillow, “Uh huh.” 

“You did kiss me last night.” Nurse presses, he’s not getting out of this one.

“Yeah,” Dex breathes out, “I did.” 

“Why?” He turns his face up, face dragging back across Dex’s shoulder.

“Jesus,” Dex sputters, “will you stop scratching me with your fucking beard like that?” 

Nurse laughs quietly, “Distracting?” 

“No, stupid.” Dex snaps, “It’s annoying. And itchy as hell.”

“Wow, someone’s grumpy in the mornings.”

“Yeah, well. Someone woke me up.”

“Dex.” He props himself up with a hand on the redhead’s chest. He waits for Dex to look up at him. 

“What.” 

“Why did you kiss me last night?”

Dex rolls his eyes, and shakes his head a little. “Why do you think.”

“Because I look hot as hell in a suit?” Nurse smirks down, and Dex just raises his eyebrows, sending him a confused look. 

“What? No. Well, yeah.” Dex’s face scrunches up again in that horribly unattractive manner, “I mean, I guess you did. But I don’t know, I just had to.” He shrugs his shoulders, or attempts to, as much as he can with Nursey on top of him, “I’m sorry if it wasn’t,” he starts quietly and Nurse quickly shuts down that line of thought. 

“Oh, fuck no. Don’t apologize.”

“Yeah?” Dex looks up at him, expression so open Nursey has to briefly close his eyes. Bites back a smile. 

“Yeah.” He nods, “You should probably do it again.”

And that gets Dex to snort, “Oh, should I?” 

Nurse plops back down, satisfied, “Yeah. And you should call me sweetheart more often.” 

Dex chuckles lowly, drops the arm he had over Nurse’s pillow and uses it to wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer,  
“I’ll take it under advisement. Got any more demands?” 

“Of course I do.” 

“Of course you do.” 

He pauses, because. He doesn’t want to rush this. But honestly. Dex is warm and open, and pulling Nurse so he’s more or less completely on top of his chest, arm draped low across his back. So really. Nurse grins wickedly. 

“You should, uh. You should let me,” his hand skates just under the lip of Dex’s waistband just drifting back and forth, teasing. His eyes are on Dex’s face. He watches his pupils blow wide. Watches them darken. Watches Dex turn and finally look at him. Watches him dial up some composure and grimace as he tries to squirm away, cheeks burning red.

“No. Absolutely not.” It comes out so fucking low and wrecked Nurse almost doesn’t catch the meaning. And then Dex is moving, starting to sit up, “I’m going to shower.”

“No, please.” Nurse twist, trying to catch him before he gets too far, “Just stay.” He pleads, probably moving a little frantically himself, grabbing his arm, “Stay and talk to me and let me in on whatever plan and,” he sits up too, shifting to try and block Dex’s path, all but straddling his waist, and “Oh.” He states stupidly, freezing, looking back at Dex. 

Who’s fucking redder than a tomato and looking like he’s about to fling himself over the top bunk. 

“Okay and I’m leaving now.” Dex rushes out, pushing Nursey off and moving towards the end of the bed. 

And. Nurse can’t help it. Always had a bad filter. Especially in emotionally charged situations like this. He knows his smile is bordering on wolfish. So he can’t help it. He can’t. His first thought is, _Good morning, William Pointdexter._ And his second thought is;

“Don’t jerk off in the shower when I’m plenty capable of handling it myself.”

Dex just stops and stares at him for a second. And Nurse can’t quite believe he actually said that. But you know, it’s out there now. And, well, it’s not a lie. 

Dex visibly takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, and sighs greatly, there’s only a hint of amusement in his voice, “Jesus, you’re terrible.” 

And yeah, it’s a terrible line. But Dex really is leaving. And that’s not. That’s not good. Because there’s uneven ground. And he could fall. Like he hasn’t already. Nurse sort of panics.

“Fuck, Dex. Stop, please.” He crawls to the end of the bed, but doesn’t get in Dex’s face with it, “Just tell me? Alright.” He can hear the pleading tone in his own voice and hates it, but needs to know, “Like just tell me if you don’t want to mess around with me or whatever and it’s fine. I mean, I get and respect it, but just tell me, don’t lead me on.”

“Lead you on?” Dex snaps, eyes wide, fully turning back to face him, “You think I’m fucking leading you on?” His voice dark and quiet and it catches Nurse off guard. He scoots back to give them more space. 

“Well, I,” 

And Dex laughs. Like actually uproariously laughs. Full-bodied and loud. Like it’s the fucking funniest thing in the world to do. 

Nurse narrows his eyes, pulls in on himself, “Okay, enough of that.” 

“No. Nurse. No,” Dex shakes his head, fights down the last of the dying laughter, sighing, “that’s not. Not.” He moves closer but Nurse doesn’t think he can handle another rejection and stares at his lap, “Look, hey.” There’s a hand on his arm, “Der, come on, look at me, please.” And he stupidly relents, Dex’s eyes all soft and open again, face pulled into this mixture of wonder and concern, “I’ve been stupid for you since day one,” the redhead states simply, scooting closer to him again, hand sliding up, resting on the side of his face, “I thought you knew that. And I, uh, you don’t really,” he shrugs, moving his hand away, and Nurse gets an awful feeling in his chest, “I mean you’ve never said anything.”

“Oh my god.” He breathes out in a whisper, closing his eyes. 

_Has he really never told Dex how he feels?_

“And you don’t have to, of course not. But I don’t think I can just hook up with you and not be,”

“Oh my god.” He repeats, heart dropping into his stomach like a stone, “You think I’m leading _you_ on.” And he’s actually the worst, the biggest asshole, how could he have not fucking told him? He seethes, voice empty, “You think I just want you for sex.” He says it more to himself. 

“No, that's not it.” Dex shakes his head but leans a little closer, voice a little tighter, “Well, I guess sometimes? It’s more like I’m afraid you’re going to be really disappointed and move on.”

And that gets Nursey to look back over at him. Because _what._

“Disappointed?” He questions, how is that even a fucking possibility?

Dex laughs lowly, just once, shakes his head a little. But it’s a genuine small smile, “How do you always get me say all this embarrassing stuff that I would never in a million fucking years say to anyone else?” He grumbles a little bit. And it clicks together. Dex is concerned Nursey would be disappointed if they ever have sex? Because he’s probably never been with a dude. Yeah. That’s make sense but, seriously. He rolls his eyes. Nurse really can’t believe this is what is holding Dex back. Honestly. The idiot. 

“Dex, I’m the last person you should be embarrassed around.” He almost laughs, because really, has he met Nurse? And there’s time to clear up feelings later, Dex needs to know this now, he waves a noncommittal hand between them, voice easily casual, “I don’t give a shit about your lack of experience.” 

“Wait, hang on.” Dex shoots him a puzzling look, “That’s not what I was going to say? What, lack of experience?” 

Nurse almost snorts in amusement, “Dude, chill. You’ve probably never had sex with a guy, right? That’s why you’re freaking?” 

“What.” Dex over enunciates, the word stretched, his eyes bugging out a little as he stares disbelieving at Nurse, “You think I haven’t?”

And fuck. 

Fuck. 

His jaw is probably dropped. Because _fuck him_. 

Dex’s face goes from shocked disbelief to righteously wicked in half a second. 

Joke’s on fucking him. “Oh shit. You have?” 

Dex smirks at him but drops it, “I was going to say that you’re going to be really disappointed when you finally see that I’m boring as hell and completely not worth your time.” 

“That’s stupid.” Nurse shakes his head, immediately not entertaining the stupid idea. “Now, I’m sorry, but back to the part about you hooking up with other dudes. How did I not know?”

Dex just shrugs. “You’ve never asked.” 

“Oh my god,” Nurse groans, “tell me everything right now. This is me asking.”

Dex sends him an unimpressed look, complete with the eyebrow quirk. “Nurse.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” But he really isn’t, this just, this is, “Another time, right. You just shifted my whole entire fucking worldview, but we can put that on the back burner. I think.” 

“Nurse.” Dex whines, running a hand down his face. 

“I’m sorry! That’s just a lot to take in!” He laughs a little manically, breathes through it, “Lots of mental images I’m fighting back but you know. Back to you.”

“It’s alright,” Dex drops his head, “you don’t,” 

“Okay, first things first.” Nurse rises up to his knees and situates himself right in front of Dex, places his hands broad shoulders, waits until he looks up at him, “My dearest William, you don’t have to worry,” he bites back a smile, trying to look serious, “I already know you’re boring as hell. But have no fear, I’m like, totally into it.” 

“What? What are you-”

“Yeah, you know,” Nurse lets himself laugh, “you’re whole responsible vibe and your death grip on your precious schedule just like, really gets me going.” 

“Oh, fuck you.” Dex scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh no. I’m serious.” Nurse fights for eye contact, “You’re a constant. It’s nice. I never have to wonder where you are or if you’re going to forget our plans. Because you never do. And like you always know when we’re about to run out of milk and always take it upon yourself to pick some up on your way home. It’s a quality I look for in a significant other.” 

Dex just sends him a detached sort of look, like he’s not believing Nursey’s bullshit, “Then your bar is set pretty low.”

“I don’t think so.” Nurse runs his hands up from his shoulders, lets them pass once through red golden hair, “Being dependable is a scare quality these days.” 

“You don’t depend on me for anything.” Dex looks up at him, and he’s not upset. But he’s not believing him, and that makes him a little sad. A little frustrated. 

“Did you not just hear the milk example, stupid?” He tries, and it gets a small smile, maybe a huff of a laugh. And Nurse knows. He knows he needs to say something else. And worse, he _wants_ to say something. Fuck, he really fucking wants to. 

“Thanks. I guess.” Dex mumbles but it does sound sincere, he turns back to hop down from the top bunk, “So, I’m just gonna, go. Now.” 

“Wait.”

And he has words, lots of words. It’s kind of his thing. But it’s. Dex looks over his shoulder at him. 

And Dex definitely deserves the words. He does. Because Nurse wants to remove all doubt. But he. There’s too many of them. He needs more time to pick them out. Edit it down. Fit it into something perfect. 

So he moves. Slides closer. Raises a hand and waits for the tiniest of nods, one he is so fucking grateful for. One he might not quite deserve. And just like all those weeks ago. He lets his fingertips ghost over the pink scar adorning Dex’s top lip. Traces it lightly, feels Dex shutter and hold steady underneath his touch. Uses his thumb to softly map out Dex’s bottom lip. And holds his breath. It’s the easiest thing then. For his lips to follow his fingers. 

He pulls back. Smiles. “Go take a shower.”


	22. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV 
> 
> “Nursey looks up at him, and _fuck_ , Dex knows he’s immediately in trouble. Call in backup. Throw him a life preserver. Pray for mercy.”

Spread out on the couch, laptop perched carefully on his knees, Dex feels the dip as Nursey drops onto the cushion next to him. 

Which is curious. 

Because it’s early. Like. Wicked early for perennial night owl Derek Nurse to grace the morning light. 

Nursey doesn’t sleep enough as it is, so sometimes in the morning, before practice or first classes, Dex will take his work to the couch so as not to disturb. He usually can get an hour or two in of uninterrupted work. 

Not that he really minds this interruption though. 

He pulls off his headphones and peeks over the side of his laptop.

Nurse has the hood of his sweatshirt pulled up. His nose tucked into the collar of it. Those fucking sleeves pulled over his hands. 

And it takes Dex a second to realize that that’s _his_ sweatshirt. Nurse has an elbow over the armrest, his head tucked into it. And pulls his knees up, burrowing into the couch, icy toes dig into Dex’s thigh. Looking for all the world that he’s about to drop back off into unconsciousness.

“Dex?” 

He looks over, Nurse hasn’t pulled his head up from the armrest pillow, but soft, warm eyes find his. He nods.   
“What will happen when we finish the story?”

And it is early in the morning, which makes Dex think Nursey has woken himself up with this question. And has asked it in such a tone, quiet and guarded, that Dex knows he has to be real fucking careful with his answer. 

So he smiles. Leans back into the couch. Even letting some of the fondness he feels color it. “I can read it again.” 

He’d read it a hundred times more. 

“No.” Nurse minutely shakes his head. And Dex tries not to immediately panic. But Nursey’s doing that thing. Biting his lip to catch a smile and Dex has never before thought himself powerless. But that small movement has the ability to drive him fucking crazy. 

Nurse eyes him, considering. “Book two.” He states, but it sounds more like a question. 

And. 

He should be surprised. But Dex searches and finds that he’s not the least bit shocked. They’re almost to the end of the book, and there’s too many loose threads that probably won’t have enough time to be neatly sewn into the plot. Of course there’s a fucking second book. Probably just as complicated, just as complex, just as engrossing. 

“There’s a second book?” He asks anyway, gauging the response. 

“It’s a little darker.” Nurse shrugs with one shoulder, “A little more intense.”

And Dex may not know a lot, but he knows this. He sets his computer on the coffee table. Shifts to face the Nurse ball on the couch. 

“I think I can handle it.” 

He’s never been more sure. He’s still hard lines, hard words, still fucks things up occasionally, still believes he’s not the best at comforting. But here. This? He doesn’t need to be the best at that. He knows he can be the best at this. 

He watches Nurse take that in, and it’s a sight to behold. Nursey stares for a moment too long, and Dex thinks he’s drifted off, before pushing himself up into a sitting position. 

“You’re the only I’d want to.” Nurse intones, in that quiet way he has about him that makes it sound like something holy. And he knows he’s the one that’s staring now. How someone can go from zero to breathtaking in just a couple of words, Dex will probably never understand. And Nursey just leans in closer, gives them a few inches, letting his shoulders slump into the back of the couch. And looks up at him, and _fuck_ , Dex knows he’s immediately in trouble. Call in backup. Throw him a life preserver. Pray for mercy. 

“Dex. You. Thank you.” Nurse starts, voice clear and heavy, “For being you. Everything you do. You’re train trips halfway across Boston for bagels. You’re soft fingers and strong arms, you’re late night conversations and early morning grumpiness. You’re naps on the bus, tacos too late at night, you’re fresh ice at Faber, and well-loved books. You’re a constant reminder to keep at least one foot planted. Dex. You’re all of my favorite things. You get it? And,”

And Dex is moving in his response. 

Pushing him back into the couch. Fingers catching under his jaw. Eyes catching on parted lips. And he holds there. Inclines his head to the side. And waits. It’s a pleasure and privilege to be able to catch Derek Nurse off guard. He raptly watches Nursey’s eyes blow wide and then dilate.

There’s a small little gasp and finally, _finally_ , Nursey is leaning up. And that’s all the clearance Dex needs. 

He kisses him without much finesse. It’s sloppy and desperate and rushed and their teeth clack together when Dex tries to tip Nurse’s head back, noses squishing. But he doesn’t much care. Not one fucking bit. He feels a hand grip into his shirt and _tug_. He’s pretty sure he’s laughing against Nurse’s smile. It devolves into less of a kiss and more of an overwhelming need to be close. He pulls back only far enough to let their foreheads rest together. Nursey is having a hard time catching his breath, and Dex tries not to feel so pleased. 

Nursey inhales deeply, stays just as close, “You didn’t even let me get to the best part.” It’s a whisper across his own lips. 

And Dex unashamedly groans, “Not sure I can take much more, Nurse.”

“No. You need to hear it.” And Nursey does shift, presses his lips to Dex’s cheekbone, his jaw, the scar above his lip. And slides back, enough so they can actually look at one another. “I haven’t told you.”

And the helpless feeling is back. Dex knows in that instant he’d surrender basically anything if Nurse just asked. But that’s him. He’ll spill every last one of his secrets, he knows he would. Happily. But that’s him. 

He shakes his head. “You don’t need to.” And it’s not an out or an offering, just the truth. 

But Nursey leans away, scooting further back on the couch. And takes Dex’s right arm in both of his hands with this determined sort of look. And Dex will admit he’s a little thrown off when Nurse unbuttons the cuff of his flannel. Starts pushing up the sleeve. Leaves it scrunched up at his elbow. 

And Nurse is turning his arm and his wrist gently, so his forearm is facing up. 

There’s light pressure just below the crease of his elbow, right over his-

“You’re a lighthouse.” Nurse declares. “This,” he taps the tattoo, “it’s perfect. Because you’re a lighthouse. To me.”

And Dex stops, spins, and finds himself incapable of responding to that in this moment. And he’s sure his face is pulled into a ridiculously confused look. 

Nurse just laughs softly, pushing the flannel back down, “I don’t mean to like, totally ruin whatever meaning or reason behind it, or why you got it. It’s just. You should know that to me, it couldn’t be more perfect. Because you are, Dex. A lighthouse.”

And he. He shakes his head a little, finding some words. “It’s uh,” he coughs to clear his throat, “It’s my hometown.” He explains, “The lighthouse down by MacMillan's wharf.”

“Well it’s you, too.” Nurse responds simply. “Because you are. A lighthouse.” States it again like he’s claiming it. 

And Dex isn’t quite putting it together. But really, when does he fucking ever when it comes to Nursey? He doesn’t really know how to respond to this revelation properly. But it feels like something he should hold onto with both hands. And Nurse is just looking at him like that. Like it makes total complete sense to him. And Dex wagers that it probably does. That it means something to Nursey. And maybe he’ll learn, maybe Nursey will explain it later. Maybe he won’t. But fuck, it doesn’t really matter in this moment. He’d be fucking anything. 

“Yeah, okay. Fuck.” He breathes out, laughs with it, “I’m a fucking lighthouse.” 

And Nurse just cracks, slips, and beams back up at him. Moving closer. Pressing their foreheads back together. 

“Good.” He nods once, Dex feels it more than he sees it, “Now kiss me again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Nurse. The magic words.


	23. Nursey POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nursey POV
> 
> “Stupid? It’s not fucking stupid.” Dex snaps, sending him a dirty look, “You’re stupid for thinking it’s stupid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peep that updated E rating folks. Also, was there ever a plot? No. Haven’t heard of her.

Nurse wakes up to kisses pressed into his shoulder, up his neck, one on his nose. He twitches, smiles, opening his eyes. 

 

“Good morning to me.” He chuckles lightly. 

“Morning.” Dex smirks down at him, says it in that sleep tired voice of his. And Dex is moving. 

There’s hands on the hem of his hoodie, pulling. “Can you sit up so I can take this off?” 

“Wow. Um, alright.” Nurse shifts and props himself up on his elbows, “Yes I can.”

Dex wastes no time wrestling it off. 

“Okay, tough guy. Easy.” He snorts, not sure if he’s dreaming this up. “Don’t rip my favorite hoodie.”

“Nurse, this is my hoodie.” Dex deadpans, holding it up, and promptly tossing it to the floor. 

“Yeah, and?” He questions but he’s being pressed back down into the mattress. And Dex is on top of him, sitting back on his knees, and running his hands, _his fucking hands, god, finally_ , everywhere. Dex ;eans forward to nuzzle into his neck, presses his lips down his chest. 

“Am I dreaming?”

Dex is still moving down, kissing over his stomach, his abs, and a hand gently but purposefully squeezes him through his boxers. 

And. 

“Holy fuck.”

And of course he’s already hard. He normally always is in the morning. Especially waking up next to this one. 

“Okay?” Dex pauses, looking back up at him. 

And Nurse just sputters, nodding along, “Yes, yup, okay. Totally okay. The fucking brightest green light from me.”

Dex smiles and crawls back up, sends a hand through his hair, kisses his jaw and whispers right against his ear, “Can I blow you?”

Nurse freezes. Breath caught. His mind stops working, he’s sure of it. System failure. 

Upon receiving no answer, Dex massages him through his boxers again and whines like he’s the one being affected and kisses an urgent _please?_ against the shell of Nursey’s ear. And fuck if he’s going to let this one pass him by.

“Um, uh, yes?” He responds eloquently.

Dex snorts. “Can you make it not sound like a question?”

“Jesus.” He breathes out, inhaling air and hopefully some strength, “Okay, okay. Yes, Dex.” He nods rapidly, “Please blow me I’ve only been dreaming about it for months for fucks sake.”

And Dex, the asshole, is smiling smugly, “You dream about me?”

 _Only every fucking night, stupid._

“Don’t flatter yourself.” He snaps instead. Dex rolls his eyes. 

But starts kissing back down his chest and stomach again. This time not stopping at his waistband, continuing down, and actually fucking mouthing over Nursey’s boxer clad erection. Strong hands are pinning his hips to the mattress. He lets out this breathy moan he didn’t even know he was capable of making and immediately slaps and hand over his mouth, embarrassed. 

Dex, the bastard, smirks up at him. But he relents his torture. Nurse tries to hold the eye contact while Dex leans forward and uses his fucking teeth to pull down Nurse’s boxers low enough to free his rock hard dick. 

“Oh my god you’re trying to kill me.” Nursey gasps and has to drop his head and close his eyes and count backwards from ten. 

He just gets his breathing in order but of course while he was expecting experimental touches or tentative licks Dex just puts his whole fucking mouth on him and dives in.

Nurse rockets off the bed, only held down at the waist by Dex’s hands, “Holy shit you really are trying to kill me.” 

He reaches back and supports himself up onto his elbows. “Oh fuck. Okay,” he fucking moans, low and needy, “Jesus, Dex. Dex, what has gotten into you? _Oh, fuck yes just like that._ Please Dex, yes. _Oh my god_ , is this, is this because I. _Fuck_. Because of that lack of experience comment? Because, _oh man, god._ You don’t have to prove anything and. _Okay okay, fuck yes_ , but ah, you’re going to have to slow down or this is all going to be, _Jesus your fucking mouth I can’t_ , this will be over way too soon.”

Dex removes his mouth with a salacious pop, and smirks back up at Nurse. “Do you ever stop fucking talking?”

“Shut up and let me breathe. I need to get my blood flowing in the opposite direction.” Nursey collapses back onto the bed. Dex entertains himself by nipping at the inside of Nurse’s thighs. 

“You’re such a show-off.” 

“That good, huh?”

“No. I’m simply remarking that you’re braggadocio act isn’t cute.”

“Liar.” Dex kisses up his hip bone, setting his teeth to the flesh just above it. “And leave it to you to use big words at a time like this, such a nerd.”

“Fuck off, you love it.”

“Yeah, but you know. If I really wanted to impress you, I’d just do this.”

And suddenly Dex is gripping at his hips and pulling him towards the end of the bed. Nursey reflexively sits up, propping himself up on the edge of the bed. He barely has time to complain about the cavemen routine before Dex scoots and drops to his knees in front of him. The wicked smirk is back on his face and honestly Nurse is going to have a hell of time trying to get that picture out of his head when this is all over. But its not. And Dex is grabbing at his wrists. Nursey lets him take them in his hands and watches Dex in complete mystification as he places Nurse’s hands on either side of his head. On instinct, Nurse’s finger grasp into short red locks. Dex lets out an encouraging noise. Not believing his luck, Nurse tugs, gently, with his right hand. And Dex fucking whimpers, low and deep. And fuck. That. That’s just. Nurse is pretty sure he stops breathing. 

“Are you waiting for a goddamn invitation?” Dex snaps at him, but his voice is too affected and takes on this even lower tone that’s absolutely not fair. 

Nurse runs one of his hands through Dex’s hair and brings it forward, using his thumb to trace a cheekbone, and slides down to let gentle fingers trace over Dex’s talented lips. And in this moment, he’s never been more grateful for the healing and regenerative powers of skin cells. He sends up a silent prayer of thanks. Because Dex’s lip is healed, perfectly, beautifully, and Nurse runs a finger over the scar in deep appreciation for its hard work. Dex’s eyes shine at the attention. It’s really too much, this one.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. Just, not all at once, okay? Let me get my breathing steady then you can uh, go for it.”

“Go for it, he says.” Nurse scoffs, half unbelieving because this isn’t his life. He hasn’t been this good. He hasn’t given out enough positive karma in his life to be on the receiving end of something this exquisite. 

Dex turns his head, seeking more contact from Nurse’s hands, and Nurse, well, he gets the fucking message. Loud and crystal clear. 

Sinking his fingers back into short red tufts, he guides Dex’s head forward, slowly and carefully because he’s a gracious fucking lover, until soft pink lips meet the tip of Nurse’s dick. And Nurse watches, eyes blown wide and breath held, as Dex makes eyes contact, opens his mouth, and gives a small encouraging nod. 

He does start off slow. Basically following the movement of Dex’s head, letting him set the pace, and still coming to grips with the fact that not only can Dex give one hell of a blowjob but also can apparently, do _this_. And is doing it, currently, for him. He carries on like that and Nurse is breathing short and fast, getting close, he feels his stomach clench, his hands tighten, he knows he is no doubt making loud and embarrassing noises again. Maybe he’s even forming words, well, probably just one word. 

Dex stops and Nurse is a little confused when Dex holds himself, mouth open. Nurse looks down and the bastard fucking winks at him, _winks_ , before closing his eyes and holding himself steady. And Jesus Christ, in all of Derek’s lives, in his many reincarnations past and future, he would never, will never, be worthy of a gift such as this. That being said, he’s not one to leave a present unopened. 

He steadies his hands, because apparently they were shaking. And gives an experimental pull, guiding Dex’s mouth lower. And Dex just lets him. Just fucking lets him take that control. He tries it a few more times, gently pushing and pulling Dex’s head a few inches back and forth, just to make sure he isn’t going to hurt him. But Dex just looks serene, happy as a fucking clam, like he could do this all day. And something in Nurse just clicks, and his hips are taking over instead. 

Grinding up into Dex’s mouth while his hands hold Dex’s head steady; it drives him completely insane. The picture Dex makes, kneeling there letting Nursey do this. Making these breathy noises that go right to his head. And soon he’s chasing after that delicious wet heat again and again like his life depends on it. He can feel the sweat break out all over his skin, a fire licks up his spine, his face contorts in a small ‘oh’ and he knows he’s moaning Dex’s name, head thrown back, lost in his pleasure, every synapse in his brain firing at the same time, as if he needs to be told that this is the best he’s ever felt, ever. 

He looks down at Dex and fuck, maybe he shouldn’t, because Dex has spit dripping down his chin and Nurse notices he’s rock hard and he’s looking up at Nurse with this look of bliss and trust and that does it. Nurse urgently pushes Dex away, giving him the courtesy, but Dex, of course, just shakes his head. 

“No, no, no. Let me. Please.”

And his fucking mouth is back on him. They make eye contact and Nurse loses it. Loses everything. His mind. His sanity. The last bit of his nonexistent control. His orgasm crashes into him like a powerful wave. Knocking him forward and washing over him again and again. And Dex is just still fucking right there, patiently swallowing him down. And Nurse is delirious with the thrill of it all. His satisfaction is bone-deep and he more or less passes out onto the bed. 

“Holy shit.” 

And Dex pulls off, slowly. And quietly goes about whatever he has to do. And then Nurse feels strong hands pulling him back squarely into the center of the mattress, gentle fingers tuck him back into his boxers. His duvet makes it over his legs and pulls up to his chest. A hand pushes through his hair before it’s gone. And Dex is retreating. But that’s not right. Dex should stay here. With him. In this bed, for the foreseeable future.

“Hey, no. Don’t go.”

“Gotta brush my teeth, stupid.”

“But you’ll come back?”

“‘Of course, stupid. Give me a minute.”

Nurse wouldn’t consider himself clingy. It’s not his brand. But there’s certain situations, like, oh you know, when a guy lets you fuck his mouth, when it’s necessary. So Nurse waits. Reveling in his blissful exhaustion, feeling like he’s never going to move again, and wondering when his eyelids got so heavy. 

Nothing makes sense anymore but that’s okay. He can deal with that later. He can deal with all these feelings threatening to overwhelm him. Deal with the sting behind the eyes. The way his chest clenches painfully when he Dex looks at him, touches him, kisses him. And the reactive and unrelenting need to whisper soft and quiet things into Dex’s skin. Words he’s never said before. But he can deal with that later. Maybe when he wakes up he can reexamine his life and figure how he exactly got into this mess.

So he turns on his side. Pulls his duvet up to his chest. The flood of emotions always catches him off guard even though it happens every time. He’s just a simple man. He’s not equip to handle all of this. Doesn’t know how. And he certainly doesn’t want to freak out in front of Dex. That though alone makes him panic a little. Which is ridiculous because he’s just had the best orgasm of his entire life, he should be drunk on it, letting his body collapse into the exhaustion. But his brain refuses to give in. 

And a minute later the bed dips and Dex is curling around his back. Dex has never been much of a close cuddler so the strong arm that wraps around his stomach surprises him and he twitches. 

“Der?”

“Hm?”

“Are you, was that okay?”

And Nurse laughs because okay? It was more than fucking okay. It was everything. But his laugh is low and wet and he immediately feels Dex tense behind him. There’s a gentle but insistent hand on his shoulder, shifting his body until Nursey is facing him. Dex eyes flash dark when he spots the tears. He immediately removes his hands and inches back. 

“Fuck, Nurse. Did I, was it, oh fucking shit. I am so sorry. Please don’t cry.”

“Stop, Dex. It’s chill.” He puts a placating hand up, shifting into the pillow, “I’m fine. I just get emotional after sex. No big deal.”

“No big deal?” Dex fumes, but leans closer, “You’re crying in my bed, sweetheart.” Presses his lips once to his shoulder, “Of course it’s a big deal. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Nurse groans, runs a hand down his face, “I always forget and then it just sort of catches me off guard. And you know, it’s stupid.”

“Stupid? It’s not fucking stupid.” Dex snaps, sending him a dirty look, “You’re stupid for thinking it’s stupid.”

“Thanks, asshole.” Nurse laughs, shaking his head. 

And Dex is pulling in closer, “Hey, c’mere.” He feels a steady hand rest over his rib cage, gently brushing back and forth. “You can cry as much as you want in front me. It’s totally fine. As long as it’s not because of me.” Nursey watches Dex stop and smirk over at him before the redhead continues, “Just don’t wipe your snot on my pillow. I already have to deal with drool.”

Nurse laughs. Once. Tries to nonchalantly wipe at his eyes. “You are such a jerk sometimes.”

“Yeah.” Dex nods, beating him to it, brings up a thumb to swipe carefully under Nursey’s eyes, “I’m working on it, though.”

“Are you?” Nursey snorts, turning on his side to face him, “Got any evidence to support that bold claim?”

“Well, see.” Dex smiles briefly, and pulls his face like he’s in deep thought, “There’s this guy.”

Nursey can’t help his amused little huff of laughter. “Oh, is there?” His hand moves to Dex’s collarbone, lazily brushing up over his chest. 

“Yeah,” Dex shutters a little, voice still low, “real sweet and soft type, you know? That annoying kind of person that makes you want to be better.” Dex rolls his eyes like he’s actual put out by it, “It’s really messing with my inner jerk tendencies.”

He follows his fingers, lips pressing lightly over Dex’s chest, up his neck, he hides his wide smile there, “That must be so hard for you.”

“Hm, yeah.” Dex intones, shrugs. “But he’s worth it.” 

“He is?” It’s a painfully open question and they both know it. 

“Oh, yes. He totally is.” And Dex is laughing, something the sounds like a rush of relief, and Nurse pulls back. Dex is shaking his head a little, biting his lip like it’s an effort to stop spilling all this mushy shit, but he breathes out shakily, “Got me all caught up in him, you know? I’m totally fucked. He’s totally under my skin, don’t know what I should do.”

Nurse pauses. Marvels. Let’s his smile turn warm. “You’re just like,” he waits until Dex is looking at him, “the biggest fucking softie, aren’t you?” His smile just grows more heated when Dex fucking blushes up to his goofy ears. Like this is the thing he should be ashamed about. Not the absolutely sinful and filthy things he just did with his mouth. And Nurse fucking loves it, dials in. Grins like a madman. 

He pokes at Dex’s bicep, his delt, the exposed pec, and chuckles softly, “Nothing but fluff in there, huh? These muscles are just for show, you can’t fool me.” He practically sings. 

And. Predictably. 

There’s a rush of movement. And if he wasn’t expecting it he’d be truly impressed. Because Dex straight up spins and lifts him, flipping them, like it’s the easiest thing in the word. 

“Wanna rethink that?” Dex tries to accompany that with a smirk, but Nurse is already laughing. Way passed Dex’s manhandling routine. Like he gets it, okay. Solid wall of muscle, yeah yeah yeah. 

“Oh, don’t do that just ‘cause I found your weakness.” He chastises teasingly and Dex is still light pink, high up in his cheekbones and Nursey can’t handle it. “Dex, it’s cool with me. I’m totally into you being a gigantic sap. Believe me.”

And Dex falls to his side, collapsing back into the mattress with a frustrated noise, turning his head into his pillow. And it’s fucking adorable. He shoots Nurse a mildly annoyed look. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighs grumpily, turning to his back, “Just for you though.” 

And Nurse just pulls closer, adjusting Dex’s arm so he can lie his head on his chest, burrowing into his side, “Of course just for me.” He laughs, pressing a kiss to Dex’s jaw, “Can’t have it getting around you’ve gone all soft and heart-eyed now can we?”

Dex just sighs and grumbles, yanking over the blanket. “Can you just please tell me if the results are in so I can go back to sleep?” 

Nurse snorts, “Doubting your skills, Pointdexter?” 

“Well. I just gave what I thought was an amazing blowjob but you haven’t said anything about it yet, so yes, my confidence is somewhat shaken.” Dex states honestly and Nurse can’t stop a huff of amusement. 

He pulls his face down over Dex’s collarbone, let’s his stubble catch there, “You’re such an idiot.”

“Yeah.” Dex sighs, but shifts up into it. 

“It was an amazing blowjob, though.” Nurse truly can’t even play about that, “Some might even say devastatingly mind-blowing.” 

He tries, but Dex just minutely shakes his head. “And what would you say?” 

And Nurse. He. Well. 

He has a lot to say. 

He lets an arm rest across Dex’s torso. The dude isn’t big on being all up on each other in such a small space but he usually tolerates Nurse falling asleep on his chest. So he settles in. 

“I’d say, uh, I’d say certainly beyond compare. I’d say,” he whispers, letting his fingers drift over his second favorite tattoo, the over Dex’s hipbone. “I’d say that your mouth, your lips, are a microcosm of you. Soft and cautious, yet capable of ruining me in mere minutes. And I don’t think I mind anymore.” 

He smiles and presses it into Dex’s skin. “I’d say that there are different planets and galaxies and universes and parallel dimensions. But only one you. A constant amidst the chaos.” And finishes, eyelids heavy, he has more. Lots more now. But that can wait. 

He hears Dex breathe in. Pauses. “Wow.” He exhales. And Nurse closes his eyes. 

“Don’t ruin it by saying something awful.”

And Dex laughs at that. A low, rumbly sound Nurse can feel, head pressed right over his chest, more than hear. Feels it drop even, turn slow and deep. Let’s his own breathing match. And drifts off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!WE MADE IT!! 
> 
>  
> 
> Just two chapters left. I want to get them done ASAP and then I will dive into replying to each and every one of the comments. I treasure each one and they motivate me to get this done. So thank you!!


	24. Dex POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex POV
> 
> "And he waits. Takes in the space between them. Breathes in this feeling and holds it. Waiting for it to stick."

They finish the story. With Nurse’s head pillowed on his chest. Which was a study in upper arm strength, as he had to keep raising the book up to turn the page. But totally fucking worth it.

He hears the soft sniffles. Feels the wet drops collecting on his t-shirt. He closes the book with a warm, contented smile. Places it gently, securely, into the corner of Nurse’s bed. It’s rightful place. He’s probably never been more grateful for a piece of literature. 

He lets himself press a kiss into Nurse’s hair. 

There’s a shift, Nurse twisting to rub at his eyes. Dex moves his arm wrapped around Nurse’s shoulder to accommodate it. 

“Don’t you fucking laugh at me.” Nurse mumbles shakily, pushing his face back into Dex’s shoulder. 

“I’m not.” He breathes out, shaking his head, “Jesus, I’m not.”

And he waits. Takes in the space between them. Breathes in this feeling and holds it. Waiting for it to stick. Catch some place between his sternum and ribs. Wills it to stay there. Just like this. 

And Nurse is sitting up. And Dex moves with him. And waits. 

Nurse scrubs at his face. And his eyes look sad. Faraway. Longingly remembering. And he waits. 

Derek tells him about his mom. In quiet, reverent words. With a heartbreakingly soft smile. Tells him about how they read it first, together. How much he cried that first time. And he does with a genuine laugh. Tells him how he will probably always cry. And. Dex thinks. His rough hands have never been trusted with anything this precious, something so intimately cherished. It’s a lightning bolt to his core that Nursey trusted him with it, all those weeks ago. How do you show gratitude for a gift you didn’t even know you’d been given?

He waits for the tears to run their course. Mops them up himself. Waits for Nurse to drift back down. To return from the sea, if you will. 

He smiles. “How ‘bout some pancakes?”

Nurse laughs. It’s a broken, breathy, and perfect rush of relief. And he’s nodding. 

They’re walking downstairs, through the hallway connecting the kitchen and living room, heading out of the Haus. 

And Nurse steps around him, has his hands on Dex’s chest. Pushes him flat up against the wall. Pulls himself in closer. And he kisses him. Kisses him like he’s never been kissed before. It’s slow, charged, and paralyzing. It’s an overwhelming wash of _something_ and Dex melts right on the spot. And he’s pretty sure he knocked into a picture frame, and his dangerously close to losing feeling in his knees, but he grasps onto Nurse’s shoulders for dear life. 

Thankfully, before he could, you know, collapse, Nurse pulls back. And Dex is struggling to take in enough air. Nurse presses his forehead to his. 

“Thank you.” is breathed right against his lips. He shivers. 

And. 

There’s a pointed clearing of a throat. 

Dex just turns, Nurse too. And there’s Ford. With one perfectly raised eyebrow. Staring them down from the middle of the hallway. 

They both stammer out a half-mumbled apology, Dex can feel his ears fucking burning. And Nurse looks physically pained, groans in embarrassment, and drops his head onto Dex’s shoulder. Laughing. 

Thankfully, Ford puts them out of their misery. “First of all,” she crosses her arms, “don’t apologize.” She waves a hand to encompass the two of them, “I’m like totally responsible for this. So. Second. I’m happy for you. But,” she motions towards the frame Dex knows he took out when Nurse fucking pinned him to the wall, “Please, don’t knock over any more picture frames. Respect the Haus,” she snaps, shaking her head at them in amused disappointment, “boys, come on. You’re cleaning up any broken glass. Finally, and this brings me so much pleasure you don’t even know,” she points at both of them, eyes gleaming with delight, “Y’all are both fined.”


	25. Epilogue: Sometime during Senior Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometime during Senior Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here. An epilogue that's mostly dialogue. This story ends on the first of the year, a kind of symmetry I think Nursey would appreciate. Thank you for going on this wild ride with me. It's been my absolute pleasure. Hope you enjoy!

“When you get drafted,” Nurse starts. 

“If I get drafted.” Dex corrects. 

“Right.” Nurse rolls his eyes, “So, when you get drafted, are you going to remember me when you’re like famous and shit?”

Dex freezes, cuts Nurse a nasty look, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Don’t fish for compliments, Dex. It’s beneath you.”

“No, I mean, what the fuck are you talking about?” Dex fumbles, “I’m going to be with you, stupid. No chance of forgetting that way.”

“Dex,” Nurse sighs like he’s in pain, “be serious.”

“I am.” 

“You can’t just say shit like that.”

“I mean it.”

“It’s not going to work.”

“You breaking up with me, Nurse?” Dex moves to stand in front of him, eyebrow raised. Place his hands on Nurse’s side.

“Fuck you,” Nurse scoffs, pushing at one of Dex’s shoulder, “of course not.”

“Good, then it’s settled.”

“Uh, no.” Nurse waves a hand out, annoyed, “It’s fucking not.”

“Hey.” Dex pulls in closer, “Ask me if I love you and if I want to be with you.” Dex breathes out, with a huge fucking smile. And Nurse groans. Pushes at his chest. 

“I’m not,” Nurse flinches, face heating, “I’m not asking you that I,”

“Then I’ll tell you.” Dex shrugs. Steps back. Body open, relaxed, hands dropped to Nurse’s waist, he smiles, “I love you and I want to be with you.”

Nurse raises an eyebrow. Dex snorts. 

“It’s that easy?”

“Like. So easy.”

“Well, how’s it going to work?”

“Hm, well. I guess just like this?”

“Will you stop?” Nurse pushes at his chest again, steps away, takes a deep breath, “Why aren’t you freaking out?” 

“Because I know you love me and you want to be with me, even if you never say it.” Dex declares easily. 

“And that’s enough for you? What about when I go to grad school?”

“Is it still between Columbia and UCLA?”

“And University of Chicago. Maybe Brown, but I don’t think I’d get in.”

“Well, let’s see.” Dex taps at his chin, “Okay. I could go to the Rangers. That’d be alright. You’d be back home. You’d have to show me how to handle living in a big city, though.”

“Dex.”

“And, wow. If I went to the Sharks, fuck. Chowder would lose his mind. Plus I’d have to invest in sunscreen.”

“Dex. Stop.” 

“I’d play for the Blackhawks even though it would go against my moral fiber. But I’d do it for you.” 

“You don’t get to pick, stupid!” 

“Maybe not.” Dex puts his hands up. “And bullshit you wouldn’t get into Brown. You’re so fucking smart they’d be stupid not to snatch you up. And like,” Dex turns to sit on top of the dresser, looking a bit mystified, “I can’t even consider playing with Jack in Providence without, like, wanting to actually cry.”

Nurse huffs out in amusement, moves closer, “Should I be jealous?”

“Yes.” Dex nods, eyes wide, “Absolutely.”

Nurse steps into the space between Dex’s legs, “I can’t believe you have a crush on Bitty and Jack.” 

“Hey, I’m not ashamed.” 

“You’re ridiculous. It’s adorable.” Nurse shakes his head, “And what if you don’t go to any of those teams? Huh? What if you go to Philly or Dallas or fucking Winnipeg?”

Dex slips a finger through on his Nurse’s belt loops, tugs, “You don’t think I’d wait two years for my giant nerd to get his Master’s degree?”

“Then what?” Nurse questions, eye’s searching, “I’m supposed to trail after you? Fly out to wherever you are?”

“I mean, probably not if I do end up in Winnipeg. You’d bitched constantly about the weather ‘cause you’re always cold.”

“Dex, will you please, for fuck’s sake.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. But listen. Hey, listen. There isn’t an easy answer here. I get that. There’s more ways for us to end up separated than together, I know.” Dex nods, voice quiet and soft, “But I could get injured on my very first play. I could get injured tomorrow and not even make to the draft. Or I could go into the draft and not get picked. There are so many uncertainties between then and now.”

“And?” Nurse whispers. Lets their foreheads touch.

“And. That’s just it. You could go to Brown. You could get published before you even graduate. You could become a bestseller, sell millions, and I’d be your arm candy for all those fucking fancy events.” 

Nurse huffs, smirks, “You’re not good looking enough to be arm candy.”

“Fuck off.” Dex laughs out, presses a kiss into Nurse’s shoulder where he can reach. 

“Is that really what you’re saying? Take it one day at a time? Wait and see? That’s bullshit advice and you know it.”

“Yeah. Yeah it is.” Dex nods, sobering a little, “But, what’s the other option? Plan for every single possible option? We’d go crazy.”

Nurse pauses. Bites his lip. Doesn’t move away. 

Dex looks up at Nurse patiently. His hands moving in small circles up Nurse’s side. 

Nurse inhales. 

“I’d wait.” He breathes out. 

“What?” 

“I’d wait. If you asked, I would.”

“You would what, Nurse.” Dex’s voice low and serious. 

“I’d wait a year. Maybe two, after graduating from Samwell. See where you end up. Be with you.”

“No.” Dex shakes his head, resolute. 

“Uh, what?” Nurse snaps, annoyed. 

“No. Absolutely not. Fuck that.”

“You’re saying you don’t want me to be with you after graduation?” Nurse asks in a rush, disbelieving. 

“Yes.” Dex doesn’t even hesitate. 

Nurse flares, “What the fuck, Will?” He takes a few steps back. Turns away. Crosses his arm over his chest. 

“Derek.” Dex starts, “You are the smartest person I have ever met. You are talented and brilliant and you will go to whatever goddamn graduate school you fucking choose.” his voice controlled, but filled with vehemency, “Because I know that’s what you want to do and you worked so hard to get it. I can’t, I will not stand in the way of that.”

Nurse turns back towards him, voice quiet, “There’s nothing wrong with taking a gap year.”

“No, there isn’t.” Dex agrees, “When you’re trying to figure out what to do with your life, gap years are fine. But one year could turn into two which turns into five and no, that’s not you.” He moves to stand back in front of Nurse, a dreadful knowing smile, “None of it is. You already know what you want to do. And you damn good at it. Nothing should stop you.”

“But I’d miss you.” 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Dex drops a kiss into his hair, “I’d miss you too. Fuck, so much. But you know what?” Dex steps back, waits for Nurse to look at him, “While I’m up in fucking Winnipeg or wherever I’ll be so fucking happy, so fucking proud, every day, knowing you are where you’re supposed to be.”

Nurse’s throat burns. Eyes sting. “You’re too much.”

“Yeah. But I’m right.” Dex breathes, hands back on Nursey’s hips. 

“And what about me, huh?” Nurse looks at him, imploringly, “I‘m just supposed to be some heartbroken grad student all miserable and grumpy because you’re halfway across the country.” He scoffs, “That doesn’t sound like blast.”

“Um, so like,” Dex laughs restlessly, inclines his head to the side with this nervous stupid smile, “not to be this guy. But like, I really thought you were about to so say you’d make all your little grad school friends jealous when you tell them you’re dating an NHL player.”

“You think they’d be impressed?” Nurse shoots back, “They’re poetry majors, stupid.”

“Are you positioning that poetry majors don’t have diverse interests? Because, wow, if my boyfriend heard you say that, whew, you’d be toast.”

“Your boyfriend, huh?”

“Yeah, I keep dropping hints but it’s fine. Kind of lame, right?”

“Totally lame.” 

“Gotcha.” 

“Do it again.” Nurse leans closer.

“You’re impossible.” Dex’s laugh is shaky but genuine. 

Nurse presses a kiss to Dex’s cheek, “You love it.”

“Yeah. I do.” And Dex sags underneath him, he blows out a long breath, smiling like a fool, “I really do. I’m so fucked it’s not even funny. All in, you know?”

“It’s just that cut and dry for you, huh?”

“Honestly? Yes. I mean, I’m lowkey terrified you’re going to wake up one day and realize I’m me and like run the other direction as fast as possible. But besides that, yeah, it’s super easy.”

Nurse walks him back into the dresser. “You’re an idiot.”

“And we’ve come full circle.” Dex huffs, dropping into the spot. Pulling Nurse back between his legs. 

“So that’s just that? Logical, practical William Pointdexter relying on nothing but love to keep us together.”

“And really great sex.” 

“Dex,” 

“Okay. Let’s just pause this okay? Because you have a lot of questions. And that’s fine. I will sit here and answer every one of them if you want me to. But I don’t think that’s what this is about. So let’s go eat,” Dex gestures with his head towards the door, “take a break, and then we can talk about whatever.”

“Then what’s it about?” Nurse stops, zeroes in. 

“What?”

“You said you don’t think that’s what this is about, then what is it about?”

“Nurse. Come on.”

“Tell me.”

“Let’s just eat. And,”

“Dex.” Nurse stops him with steady hands to the sides of his neck. 

Dex closes his eyes. Exhales once. “You’re scared.”

“No I’m not.” Nurse pulls back, offended by the accusation. 

“Yeah, you are. And that’s okay. You don’t want to make the wrong decision.”

“I mean, they’re all really great grad programs.”

“I’m not talking about schools.”

“Then what?”

“Jesus, Nurse. About me! You’re scared you’re making a mistake with me.”

“Dex, that’s not,” 

“It is. It is.” Dex nods, drops his head a little, but his voice is calm, sure and even. “And it’s fine. Honestly. Truly, it’s fine. I get it. I’ve hurt you before, who's to say it won’t happen again. And I can stand here and tell you anything you want to hear but that’s not going to change your mind. So we can play through every scenario you can think of, but it means nothing if you don’t see yourself with me.”

Nurse looks down at Dex’s lips, transfixed, “I don’t understand how you’re so sure of your feelings for me.” 

“I’m not pressuring you. I don’t want to,” Dex starts but Nurse is shaking his head. 

“That’s not what I meant.”

Nurse lets his hands drift up. Bracketing Dex’s face. Let’s his fingers trace down the bridge of his nose, over his lips like he like to do. “It’s only ever been you.”

“Yeah?” Dex grins around the question. 

“Yeah.” Nurse nods, “Now, you said something about food?”

They leave for dinner. 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“The Rangers. The Islanders. The Devils. The Flyers. The Bruins. And maybe the Capitols, if traffic isn’t too bad.” 

“Huh? Der?” Dex shifts, unwilling pulled out of unconsciousness, he blinks a few times. 

“All of these teams. Any of them.” Nurse’s voice is loud, right over his face, and the excited words just keep coming, “Dex. Look. Any of these teams. All. Less than a four hour drive from Columbia.”

Dex relaxes back into his pillow, a smug smile, “I knew you wanted to go to Columbia.”

“What?” Nurse looks at him in straight confusion, like he can’t quite believe Dex put that together on his own. 

“It’s your home.” Dex shrugs, “You miss it.”

“And you’re missing my point.” Nurse huffs, shakes his head. 

“Which is.” 

“Even Pittsburgh or Columbus or fucking Carolina would be alright.” Nursey fires off, “They’re more like seven hours, but that’s way better than having to get on a plane.”

“Hey, Nurse?” Dex twists, hand reaching out to locate one of Nursey’s arms, runs down it to find a hand, thumbs over the rapidly beating pulse point, “I’m confused? And my geography isn’t the best when I’m woken up in the middle of the night.”

“Dex, listen. That’s like, that’s a whole fucking third of the league. A third! You have at least a 33% chance at getting drafted to any one of those teams.”

“Oh, it’s higher than that for Carolina and Jersey. Their defense is terrible. They could totally use me.”

“Dex. One third! Don’t you see?!”

“Hm.” Dex considers, tries to use Nurse’s hand as leverage to shift him, “Lie back down and tell me about New York.”

“You’re not listening.” 

“Hm, what? Oh I totally am. A third of the league. Yeah, I can live with that. But hey, have you not been sleeping this whole time? Spin your wheels later about this if you have to, sleep now. Right here.” He tries to move Nurse, bring him back down to his chest, but Nurse is unrelenting. 

“No. See, no. You’re not getting it.” Nursey snaps, but leans in closer. “You see my boyfriend is going to be this huge NHL star and I’m trying to make sure wherever he goes is somewhere within reach.”

“Your boyfriend, huh?”

“Yeah? You don’t know him? Tall. Grumpy. Goofy ears.”

“It would physically pain you to say something nice about me, wouldn’t it?”

“I’m not talking about you, stupid. Keep up. This is about my idiot boyfriend who keeps trying to get me off track.”

“Well, he sounds like a keeper.”

“Mm. Yeah, he is. But he’s mine so hands off.” Nurse finally, _finally_ , shimmies back down into the mattress, presses back up against his side. 

“Fair enough. So. New York?” Dex tries. 

“Oh my god,” Nurse huffs a laugh, “you’re going to hate it.”

“Yeah? I dunno. Lots of hot grad students I hear.”

“Easy cowboy. There’s no promises.” 

“There never are.” He sighs, wraps his arm back around Nurse’s shoulder, “But hey. Listen, Der? Within reach? You literally have me wrapped around your finger. I’m always within reach.”

“You’re,” Nurse starts, moves to sits up, and stops. Dex smiles, runs a hand down his back. 

“I know. I know.” He sighs happily, “We good? Lie back down.” 

“But, Dex. I.” Nurse’s voice breaks, Dex listens to him laugh with it, it’s quieter, “How do you always fucking do this, Pointdexter? I am fucking writer and I can’t,” he shakes his head, “I can’t fucking put it together, to tell you,” Nurse blows out a frustrated breath and Dex feels himself beaming. 

“I know. Hey. I know.” Dex pulls more urgently at Nurse’s arm, “It’s okay.” Waits until Nursey is back against him, “I love you too, stupid.” And he laughs unashamedly, readies the words he’s entirely proud of and gives freely, "I’m a lighthouse. I’m the fucking lighthouse.”

Nurse squirms, presses his face into Dex’s shoulder like he’s down a hundred times, and looks back up at him, “Will you just let me say it?” Nurse sighs languidly. 

“You don’t have to, I don’t need to hear it. You know that.” Dex supplies and it’s still the truth. Will always be the truth. 

“Just shut the fuck up and let me tell you that I love you.” Nurse snaps out, eyes clear and bright. Staring right down at Dex, doing that thing with his teeth to stop a smile. Dex reaches out and let himself chase it. Lets his fingers free Nursey’s bottom lip. Watches the smile break across Derek’s face slowly, fully. Stunning. Brighter than the fucking sun, he’s absolutely positive. 

“Yeah?” He asks, tracing the lines.

“Yeah.” Nurse nods with a laugh, voice deep and perfect. And it’s certain. Easy. Declarative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to keep this short and sweet. But let me just say a huge fucking thank you to anyone that chooses to spend their time reading this little piece of my heart. And if you are one of the absolutely amazing people who leaves behind some love. Y'all probably already know, but it means so much. So much. Truly. Like a little lightning bolt to the heart whenever I get a notification. So thank you. Again. A million times. 
> 
> I'm dontfuckingstartwithme on tumblr if ya wanna say hi!
> 
> Oh. And, also?
> 
> Dex gets drafted to the Rangers. Nurse trains with him when he’s not off being a brilliant grad student. Nurse takes him to Yankee Stadium, just to watch Dex’s lifelong Sox fan heart give out. Dex adjusts to the city with ease and grace Nurse didn’t expect. Positively loses his mind during rush hour, though. They spend Thanksgiving with Nurse’s dad in Greenwich. It's everything.
> 
> *UPDATE*  
> Omg please check out this unbelievably beautiful fan art by the impressively talented GaiaYukari85! I can’t even believe, made me tear up mate! Thank you! You’re amazing! Your work will be treasured forever!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fanart for You've Already Won Me Over (In Spite of Me) by AllTheCosmos](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17406260) by [GaiaYukari85](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaiaYukari85/pseuds/GaiaYukari85)




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